Famous Frogs of the World (RR)

by Roving Reporter, ©2023

(Feb. 23, 2023) — “You Belong to Me” (2:50)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our intrepid explorer, Professor Wert, will be our guest today and join us as soon as he downloads some photos that he took in the far reaches of our planet. His latest assignment was to look for evidence of famous frogs of the world, and it’ll be interesting to hear his report. And here he is. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”

“Thank you, Roving, always glad to share my exploits with your audience, and because so many people recognize me nowadays, I was able to increase my speaking engagement fees.”

“What do you say we jump right on in: did you find any evidence of famous frogs?”

“In a word, no, not a one, but I did find some evidence that we humans have been around a lot longer than previously thought.”

“That’s what Professor Zorkophsky’s new movie is about, us going back to the moon and Mars and finding evidence that we’ve already made the trip.”

“That’s right, which begs two questions: why we haven’t figured it out by now and will we ever?”

“Figured out what?”

“Why, reaching for the stars, what else? We have the means but somehow lack the will. Face it, there’s just way too many short-sighted stupid people in the world. Here it is, the year of Our Lord, 2023, and we still breed like field mice, can’t pass basic math, and think that living in a cardboard box or a cloth tent on a cement sidewalk is acceptable. I tell you it’s not acceptable, giving people drugs and turning the other cheek on those who game the system, starting with Mitch McConnell and going down to the lowest bum in the Bowery.”

“Okay, what do you say we take a quick commercial break? Be right back.”

“Sweet Blues Guitar Solo” (2:00)

[Note: ‘Pulse’ is a low-budget television station located in Atlanta, GA. We started in Chicago, but our station was burned to the ground with the blessing of the powers-that-be, so we left. We got our feet wet by interviewing commuters on the way to the Big City and would travel to such places as Las Vegas, Cassadaga, Fl., and the Adirondacks in Upstate NY. We have several contributors who donate their time in the expectation that we’ll get, once again, picked up by some satellite station and they’ll get paid top dollar for their time, except for Madam Shylock, who we pay on the barrelhead. ‘Pulse’ runs commercials on TV but cannot transfer the commercials to the printed page, which is why our secretary fills in the commercial time with songs she chooses or, more often, songs requested by the readers of the transcript in The P&E.]

“And we’re back with Professor Wert, who is going to tell us about the famous frogs of the world.”

“No, I’m not. I didn’t find any famous frogs anywhere. Look, I’m not saying there aren’t any famous frogs, only that I didn’t find any evidence of famous frogs. I found some ceramic frogs and plastic frogs but, as far as cave paintings go, maybe they’re there but I didn’t see any. Look, and this is off the record: I’m sure there is evidence of famous frogs somewhere, okay?”

“Sounds good to me. So, you mentioned cave paintings.”

“Here’s the deal: dating techniques are improving by leaps and bounds. Not long ago a mummy that was thought to be 3,000 years old was reclassified at 5,000 years old. Some fossils are not as old as once thought. Some of these cave paintings are 100,000 years old. Strange paintings, indeed. Makes one wonder what they were painting: was it pure imagination or something they saw or maybe the subject was posed? Surely, we may never know but, bottom line, humans have been painting in caves a heck of a lot longer than previously thought or even imagined.”

“So, let’s see some of your photos after the break.”

“Tie Me Kangaroo Down, Sport” (3:03)

“And we’re back to see some of Professor Wert’s photos of ancient cave paintings. Go ahead and talk us through them.”

“I’m showing you file photos, Roving, which are a lot better than mine. This first one is from the Lascaux Cave in southwestern France. Just horses and cows. Not very exciting, not like the next ones.

“Now we’re getting some interesting cave paintings from the Chiribiquete National Park in Colombia, South America.

“And moving on, this series is from Kimberley, Australia.

“Now we have some rather interesting stone carvings from Göbekli Tepe, Turkey. And that’s it. Yes, I found evidence of frogs but nothing that they ever ruled anything, I’m sorry to report.”

“Well, the important thing is that you tried your best. And then you taught us to always keep an open mind when it comes to what we may perceive as facts set in concrete. This is your Roving Reporter, on behalf of Professor Wert, wishing you all a goodnight.”

“But I’m not finished. I wanted to say that if we don’t get Biden out of the White House, there may not be a White House in the future.”

“What are you saying?”

“I’m saying that Biden and his fellow crooks are destroying our country faster than any of us could have imagined. No one would have thought that Biden, or anyone, for that matter, would be so stupid as to leave our borders open. Really, now.”

“Couldn’t agree with you more. Now we’ll be saying goodnight, but getting rid of Biden and getting Trump back in should be everyone’s priority, that and closing the border and restoring the Constitution as the law of the land. Goodnight.

“Good show. Liked the slide show. Burger time: my treat.”

[This is one great place to visit: Human Events.]

“Canadian Sunset” (2:53)

Roving Reporter