by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Aug. 24, 2024) — “Heartbreak Hotel” (2:08)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Madam Shylock will be our featured guest, but before we get to her, I’d like to comment on the total failure of the DNC to offer solutions to all the problems they’ve created.
“Madam Shylock has been our ‘go to’ fortune-teller [“Fortune Teller” (2:41)] since we ran across her tent at a midway at a town carnival somewhere in the Midwest during one of the warm months. She has always been straightforward with us and, surprisingly – at least to me, her predictions have been unerringly 100% correct. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you for having me on your show. I liked your opening, the Angel Moms absent from center stage at the Democratic Convention. I guess they’re afraid of the truth; I mean, every daughter with a bright future only to be cut down – no pun intended, of this I assure you – before they even had a chance at life. I must say, I sure admire those mothers for the courage to get up there and speak about their daughters, needlessly taken from us, thanks to Pamala ‘Hyena’ Harris’s open-border policy.”
“Yes, those mothers need to be celebrated for telling their story with the hope that the border will be closed and some other young American daughter won’t suffer the same fate.”
“Excuse us while we pause for a short commercial.”
“Try to Remember” (2:55)
“And we’re back with Madam Shylock who is going to tell us about the consequences of an open border.”
“Destruction, desolation, and death are what to expect if the ‘Hyena’ stays around one second longer than high noon [“Do Not Forsake Me, Oh My Darling” (2:38)] Jan. 20, 2025. It truly amazes me why anyone would support rape trees, human trafficking, and the ever-growing numbers of Angel Moms. What in the tarnation are the Kamala ‘Hyena’ Harris supporting, anyway? Are they really that callous and stupid?”
“But…”
(Madam Shylock holds up her hand.)
“It was a rhetorical question, Roving. Of course they’re that callous and stupid; what do you think? I don’t think that the average stupid and callous Democrat even knows what a rape tree is, let alone an Angel Mom.”
“That would be one of those ‘low information’ voters, right?”
“Right as rain, Roving. Now let’s discuss the election, the actual nuts and bolts of it.”
“Counting the votes.”
“Precisely. My solution is to, well, how about following the Constitution, okay? The Ten Commandments tells us to not steal; do you think that’s possible?”
“But…”
(Madam Shylock holds up her hand.)
“It was a rhetorical question, Roving.”
“Oh, very well. Sorry. Excuse us, please, while we take a short commercial break.”
“Caprice No. 24” (4:28)
“We’re back on air; please continue.”
“Have you seen the video of the Minnesota National Guard and the Minneapolis police shooting people sitting on their front porches with paintball guns yelling, ‘Put your masks on and get inside!’? That was an example of troops following an illegal order; it reminded me of the massacre at My Lai, Vietnam, 1968. I’m telling you; it’s getting bad, which is why I brought my crystal ball.”
“Oh, we like props. Go ahead and put it on the table.”
“Thank you. I’ll set it a little closer. Now I’ll take the cloth off, give it a little rub and do a little gazing and see what we shall see. Oh, my, now isn’t that interesting?”
“Tell us. What do you see?”
“I see people on waiting lists for guns and ammo. I see pawn shops that have no guns, and I see gun stores sold out. I see people buying cases of ammo rather than a few boxes. I see people waiting in lines at shooting ranges and I see more women than men at each of those stores. I see a renewed sense of patriotism throughout the land. I see people voting.”
“Wow, you see all of that in your crystal ball?”
“Yes, matter of fact I do. There, that’s it. Once it goes cloudy it doesn’t clear until I have a crisp $100 bill in my hand.”
“Lucky me, because we’ve just run out of time. And so…this is your Roving Reporter, along with Madam Shylock, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. How’s Henry? Fine? Good, glad to hear it. We love Robert Kennedy. Burger time: my treat.”
“Lazy Day Blues” (2:48)
Roving Reporter