by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(May 24, 2024) — “Singin the Blues” (3:00)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We received an invitation to Bishop Dunkin’s church down on Hawthorn Street to, in his words, experience a sermon in 3-D. Sounds interesting; rather intriguing, really, so what do you say we take a spin to see what’s cooking?
“We’re pulling into the parking lot, the packed lot, so the word is out. Park on the sidewalk. Okay, we’re unpacked and heading up to the balcony. We’ll set up on the front left, railing, and just in time because Bishop Dunkin is walking up to the pulpit. Let’s listen in.”
“Welcome, one and all, to our humble church. Please turn to page 113 in your hymnal and sing along with our most excellent choir.”
“Just a Closer Walk with Thee” (1:54)
“Please be seated. I will dispense with the public service messages first. We have Linda Camp to thank for the chocolate-peanut butter pretzel rolls that were so popular at last week’s church picnic. The goal for every female who is a member of our congregation to be armed has been reached. That’s right, applaud. Girls, please stand and hold your loaded lightweight .357 Magnum revolver above your head. Thank you. I am now officially announcing that our next drive will be for every household to have a 5.56 NATO ammo-ready AR-15. We’ll commence with rifle training next week in the basement and, as in the weapon training for the revolver, offer night classes for the AR-15.
“Now to the exciting part. What will now happen is that the lights will dim as our newly purchased screen will lower from the pseudo beam above. Pretty clever, wouldn’t you say? One of our members, John Joseph, came up with the idea. We are now ready for what I advertised as a ‘3-D’ sermon. What is about to happen is a picture will be shown on the screen. No, it’s not a movie, just one picture and, as they say, a picture is worth a thousand words.
“We all know who Henry is; he’s even given a talk or two right here from this very pulpit. Henry keeps on harping about the importance of deporting our enemy, the enemy of Western Civilization, which we agree with 110%. What is about to happen is that one picture will be shown. I ask that you think about the future, our future, the future of our beloved country and what the landscape will look like with our Constitution replaced with Sharia Law, which permits the abuse and killing of our precious canine friends, among other atrocities.
“While we contemplate the meaning of the picture our orchestra and choir will entertain us with some serious music to aid in our understanding of what we are seeing. Conductor, please start the music.”
“Shenandoah” (3:58)
“God Bless the USA” (3:13)
“Amen.”
“And we’ll just say a goodnight: Goodnight.
“’Powerful’ is all I can say. Henry would be very proud. Burger time: my treat.”
[News for you: Kamala Harris is actually as stupid as she acts.]
“Victory in Jesus” (4:10)