by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Apr. 28, 2024) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. And speaking of hearing, what do you say we listen to what Bishop Dunkin has to say for this week’s sermon.”
“Please stand while we turn to page 157 and sing along with our most excellent choir.”
“Nobody Knows the Trouble I’ve Seen” (3:01)
“Thank you, one and all. Please be seated. I want to talk to you about what we accept as obvious but may not be quite right. Tattoos seem to be the rage, but it says in the Bible that our bodies should not be desecrated. Okay, maybe there’s exceptions; I don’t know. I know there are times when getting ink is socially acceptable, like on the first liberty from Boot Camp. Go into the big city and get inked, maybe a ‘MOM’ on the forearm, or an Eagle atop the world with the letters ‘U S M C’ above on the left bicep.
“We members of the clergy don’t get inked; I guess it’s like setting an example of our faith. And then there are those who say they believe in our country, believe in America yet vote anti-American stuff like Affirmative Action and guys in girls sports; now what’s that all about? If you have a mental illness, get help. Queers are mentally ill, or, as our friend Professor Zorkophsky describes them. If faced with being thrown off a skyscraper when asked the question, ‘Are you one of those homosexuals?’ answer ‘YES’ and off they go or, ‘NO,’ and take the elevator back down.
“It seems that the so-called ‘righteous’ among us are the most verbal. Take me, for instance. I quit smoking decades ago and when I get a whiff of smoke I can’t help making a derogatory comment on the stupidity of smoking cigarettes or anything else, for that matter.
“The title of this week’s sermon is ‘Why?’ For those of you who raised a kid, you know all about the ‘why?’ questions. Time to eat. Why? Looks like rain. Why? At some point we stop asking why, it’s like we just accept things as they were, and are, so forget about it. Why?
“Good question. If you weren’t shocked out of your core on Oct. 7 (6:00), you are either callous beyond redemption or possibly vote Democrat; I don’t know, and I seriously believe you don’t, either.
“What gets me is that, besides the wasted effort, the complete senselessness of it all. I mean, what’s the point? The Muslims hate the Jews and want them dead. Okay, that’s not what we would call ‘news.’ My questions is why do the Muslims hate the Jews and want them dead? What’s the point?
“For me to have a good day, must I spend an hour or so filled with hate for, let’s say, people who drive cars with different color fenders? We’ve all seen them, but, really now, it’s just not enough of a problem for me, or, for that matter, anyone else to worry about.
“Maybe me garnering up enough hate for, I don’t know, the Buddhists in India may make my day accountable. Maybe I’ll learn to hate one of the moons of Jupiter, maybe Ganymede or Europa; why not? It’s all the same: wasting time when I could be reading my archeology magazine, or something about anthropology, or something rather than absolutely nothing.
“I’m sorry, but Muslim hatred for the Jews doesn’t make any sense. Why do the Muslims want to kill — not just murder, but torture, desecrate, mutilate the Jews? And let’s not leave out the Christians and the Buddhists.
“Fact is, we were born naked. And another fact is that you cannot make up excuses for bad behavior. ‘She didn’t wear a hijab’ is just as weak an excuse for rape as a teenager wearing nail polish is for a premeditated first-degree so-called ‘honor killing.’
“It all comes down to the ‘Why the killing?’ Where is the benefit, what is the payback from the effort and the waste? These young men who committed the atrocities on Oct. 7 get to relive the nightmare for the rest of their lives. The images of what humans are capable of will haunt them, as they should. I preach the Golden Rule and I dare say what acts those animals did shall be done to them by other hate-filled crazed Muslims and likewise to those who support them.
“And I’d like to add one last thing. Return the hostages and, if not, let’s carpet-bomb and continue until the root cause of the problem no longer exists. Leave no stone unturned.
“Besides the usual suspects — Joe Biden, Kamala Harris, Chuck Schumer — we must not forget the phoniest of them all who’s come down the pike in a while, and that is the head of Homeland Security, Alejandro Mayorkas. If ever there was a lying snake-in-the-grass, it’s Mayorkas who took the art of lying to a whole new level. While viewing a film of illegal immigrants crossing the border, he had the audacity to say that there was nothing there to see. Many thousands of Gaza Muslims have illegally entered our country, besides the Taliban entering after that fiasco of a troop withdraw from Afghanistan couple years ago. If Mayorkas truly believed in the Patriot Act, he would give himself a life sentence in the Leavenworth Federal Penitentiary. Good riddance.
“I have an announcement to make, so please pay particular attention. I just love to conduct June weddings* which will make this one doubly enjoyable of a good friend of ours, Henry. Yes, you heard me, the forever perennial confirmed bachelor is getting married to Miss Cynthia Swartz, an Arabian Leopard. When asked how this came about, Henry said he visited our zoo and they just fell in love and that’s all there is to it. Henry said that Miss Cindy is MAGA so not to worry. They plan to honeymoon on Henry’s pad in the pond in the middle of Cassadaga, FL. It is rumored that a certain Palm Beach resident will give the bride away and pay for the float that will be tied up to Henry’s pad since Miss Cindy would surely sink Henry’s pad. I’m sure you’re with me in wishing the happy couple ‘Best Wishes.’
“Please drop off the offering on the way out while singing along with the choir. Hopefully I’ll be seeing you all next week. Amen.
“When the Saints Go Marching In” (3:29)
“And thank you, Bishop Dunkin, for a well-thought-out and presented sermon. Good question, that: ‘Why?’ Why the continued hate? For what possible purpose does hate improve one’s lot in life? Why does a Muslim hate a Jew? Jews don’t hate Muslims, so what gives? Christians don’t hate Muslims, yet they want to kill us; they say so in their chants: ‘Death to Israel! Death to America!’ (2:04). Thank you for watching. Goodnight.”
[*This June wedding will take place in Bishop Dunkin’s church down on Hawthorn Street. ‘Pulse’ will cover it live and will be the only news service allowed to do so. Miss Cindy is reputed to be a very calm cat.]
“Going to the Chapel of Love” (3:02)
Maybe Muslims hate us because we often don’t approve of their religion, which for example from what I have seen says things like women have no rights, and must stay covered-up as told by their men and their religion.
Being a Muslim and wanting to kill everyone who is not could also be called insanity, like transgenderism. Jews are an easy target, but by no means the only target………There is no logical explanation of Muslims wanting everyone who is not a Muslim to convert, or die……