by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Jul. 20, 2022) — “Quiet Village” (3:42)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our nation has been infected with DA’s who have been running rampant and, apparently, have nothing better to do than to railroad innocent citizens straight into the slammer. One would think the top priority of any law enforcement agency would be to end election fraud and illegal immigration, but you’d be wrong by a country mile. The latest game seems to be who can outdo the other in the realm of absurdity, so we asked Professor Zorkophsky about it and here he is, in person, to answer our questions. Professor Zorkophsky is an international bestselling author of psychiatric textbooks for the layman, besides being the perennial keynote speaker at symposiums for PTSD nut cases. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ Professor.”

“And so glad to be on the most-watched information show in its time slot, Roving. Such a warm and comprehensive introduction is always deeply appreciated. Now, what do you say we get down to brass tacks and see what we shall see, but first you must address me as ‘Zork’ since I think it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere, if that suits your fancy.”

“Okay, Zork, that’s fine. Now, the question was this: what is the barometer of those with acute Trump Derangement Syndrome?”

“Well, first, there is no such thing as ‘acute derangement’; let’s get that straight from the get-go, alright?”

“Alright.”

Any derangement is acute, by definition; the only difference is the degree of mobility expressed by the deranged individual.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Well, now, as an example, let’s examine two people who are nuts, I mean, deranged, and like fallen statues for some obscure reason, maybe they had a problem with potty training; who knows? Here’s the point: each of them desires statues to be horizontal, not vertical. It could be a symptom of some obscure sexual repression, where statue-topplers feel inadequate to cope with everyday made-up stresses hawked by CNN and others.”

“You mean like ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome?’”

“You took the words right out of my mouth. Now, back to our two made-up people: one is lazy while the other has some dizzy female to impress, so he goes and topples a statue while being mentally supported by the lazy one watching it all unfold on live TV. Now listen: both get the exact same satisfaction of breaking the law and knowing there will be no repercussions.”

“What about law enforcement?”

“The ‘Protect and Serve’ just want to get home, safe and sound, on time; that’s their number one priority. No problem, like burning buildings in the Twin Cities; Ferguson, MO; and Baltimore; no confrontations keep them in the ‘Safe Mode.’

“And that’s important?”

“Remember that news conference after the Uvalde school shootings?”

“Wait, we have to take a quick commercial break. Be right back.”

Once a Day” (2:17)

“Where were we? Oh, yes, the news conference where the spokesman said that all the cops got home safe?”

“That’s the one. Well, that’s it; I mean, they all have ‘Trump Derangement.’

“No way.”

“The proof is on video, where they drank coffee and ate donuts, feet up on the ottoman. It’s out there; see for yourself.”

“No, no, I believe you, and I did see it for myself, even though I couldn’t believe what I was hearing while I was watching it.”

“Those cops are on the bottom of the hierarchy list of derangement, by the way.”

“You mean there’s a list?”

“I made it up myself, I’m proud to say. All the nuts are on it, but I had to leave Keith Olbermann off because he is so wrong, like 100% of the time, and it would skew the results. It has all your usual suspects. You know that Liz Cheney has a doppelgänger? It’s true. I’m talking about Irma Grese, the ‘Hyena of Auschwitz.’ Look it up; it’s all there.”

“No, I’ll take your word on it.”

“This Irma Grese had a ‘Warped Superior Cortex Complex,’ or ‘WACO Syndrome’; I kid you not. Same as Cheney. Nuts, certifiably nuts. They all are.”

“They hate the USA.”

“Hate saving the Jews.”

“Hate libraries.”

“Hate the Second Amendment.”

“That is so true.”

“And the First and the whole Constitution. They see color where we see equality; they see a ‘Police State’ where we see people not breaking any law and no police; they see Welfare and empty shelves where we see a land of plenty of opportunity; they see control where we see none.”

“Polar opposites.”

“The difference between freedom and slavery. By the way, using abortion as a method of birth control is another name for murder. The ignorant will never get it; get used to it.”

“Will do, and with that, on behalf of Zork, this is your Roving Reporter wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

Sweet Dreams” (2:41)

Roving Reporter

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