by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(Aug. 3, 2022) — “All Along the Watchtower” (6:30)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Rook Dunkin has graciously extended an invitation to join his weekly ‘Round Table Discussion.’ We’re in the basement of his church down on Hawthorn Street looking for a round table. Excuse me, but where’s the round table?”
“The what? Oh, there isn’t any round table; it’s just a figure of speech. You’re Roving, aren’t you? You can sit anywhere.”
“Thank you. You come every week?”
“Ever since the Communists nominated Obama to run for president in 2008, but back then Rook Dunkin was just a novice pastor and these meetings were held in the sanctuary.”
“Why the move down in the basement?”
“We felt a little uncomfortable speaking our minds in front of the altar.”
“Rook Dunkin has been an opponent of the ‘Clot Shot’ since it was first pushed by the government, hasn’t he?”
“Oh, yes, he was distrustful of Big Government from day one. He knew Trump was being used; I mean, Rook Dunkin was in the Navy, so he knew all about the utter failure of Trump’s Secretary of Defense, Mark Esper, and all the others that followed.”
“Even now?”
“Even now. Deep State operatives: whatever it takes to weaken our nation. Like the traitors Mitch McConnell and Joe Manchin, besides the Dems.”
“What’s your definition of a Dem?”
“Someone who is so stupid that they don’t realize that the Democratic Party has morphed into the Democratic Socialist Party, that today’s Dems push the following:
1. Dem politicians are selected to follow orders.
2. COVID-19 Vaccine is not a vaccine because it doesn’t prevent anything.
3. The COVID ‘vaccine’ and subsequent ‘boosters’ are the same as drinking the government’s Kool-Aid.”
“What about the Republicans?”
“Well, now, there’s the Republican Party and the MAGA Party. We don’t want anything to do with the RNC, but we do want everything to do with the Constitution as it was written in the Year of Our Lord 1789.”
“What about Roe vs. Wade?”
“The abuse was treating abortion as if was some form of birth control, like the pill or other forms of contraception; the difference is prevention vs. murder.”
“Yes, that makes sense. Seems like the Teachers’ Union failed to teach reading and comprehensive skills so even a teenager can understand the instructions.”
“Our teenagers got the short end of the stick.”
“When does this discussion of current events take place?”
“Soon. Here comes Rook Dunkin now. I’ll say one more thing: Trump’s endorsement of the two Erics in Missouri was pretty lame. I mean, it was a clear choice between an RNC and a MAGA, right? Like I said: lame.”
“Great. We’ll do a quick commercial and be right back.”
“The Sweetheart Tree” (2:14)
“Good day to you all. I see that Roving of ‘Pulse’ has graciously accepted our invitation to join us so let’s be on our best behavior. Please stand and bow our heads.
“Dear Lord, please give us a semblance of good manners to treat our foes, not as they would treat us, but as we would wish to be treated. Amen.
“Please be seated. Although some things have not been proven beyond a shadow of a doubt, we know certain things. We know Barry Soetoro (aka Obama) wasn’t legally eligible to be president. We know Biden is a victim of elder abuse and isn’t calling the shots; someone behind the curtain is destroying our country by the day. We also know that Trump, if the 2024 election is at least halfway honest, will win. We also know that Trump will likely have another Joint Chiefs of Staff made up of military political animals, and this we do not need.
“First, we need to change the ‘Secretary of Defense’ back to the ‘Secretary of War,’ and the position must be filled by a ‘Male Chauvinist Pig,’ to use the vernacular of the day. And we need a Veteran to fill the position, someone who has ‘been there and done that.’ And for real and not some ‘Desk Jockey.’ No woke; no political correctness; no pushing the ‘Clot Shot’; no “Yes, man’; no CRT; and, finally, no political animal.
“We need a warrior who will close the southern border and go after the human bondage and drug pushers no matter where they may be. We need someone who will go after the illegal immigrants, Muslims, and anyone else who treats our Constitution and us like trash. We need a Secretary of War who will go after each and every voter fraud perpetrator, arrest them and convict them as traitors.
“And lastly, we need to rewrite every treaty to say that we have the right to execute child molesters, rapists, and murderers. Now, let’s say we resume our discussion after a short break? But first, let’s stand and bow our heads for a short prayer.
“Dear Lord, look upon us as your little lost sheep who are desperately striving to find our way in this topsy-turvy land in which we find ourselves trapped. Since we’ve nowhere to go, don’t bother showing us a way out. We know our pen is soiled – some say beyond recovery – but, as long as we have faith, hope and some Winchesters and Glocks, maybe a 1911 Colt pistol, we’ll find an enlightened path out of this hellhole the Biden-Harris Administration has put us in. We pray that everything Trump did will be reinstated ASAP so we can once again ‘Make America Great Again.’ Now we know that if we don’t get rid of all the scum, the swamp creatures, we’ll forever be on the precipice of the end, so help us, if You will, to get it right once and for all. Amen.”
“Amen. Roving here for ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Nice speech, but we’ve run out of time, so we’ll be leaving. Oh, and we agree on everything you said so we’ll be wishing you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good little speech. I wonder if it’ll do any good to forward the transcript to The P&E and if anyone will read it? Burger time: my treat.”
[Little People report: Scuttlebutt has it that they’re gearing up for some big operation, whether a training mission or something other, we don’t know. Reporting from Rollins Avenue Park, MD.]
“Carrying Your Love with Me” (3:56)