by Rook Dunkin, ©2021 

(Mar. 8, 2021) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the ‘Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s sermon will be about right and wrong, perhaps the most popular of all topics addressed by the clergy of the world. It is often easy for us to say if something is right or wrong, but it’s a lot harder for us to explain why something is good or bad, such as, ‘Why is it wrong to be a democrat or a RINO?’ Well, keep tuned-in while we break for this short commercial*.”

Mamou Hot Step” (3:51)

“First of all, welcome to our little church down on Hawthorn Street and, since it’s too darn cold to meet outside, the dogs and beverages will be served in the basement after the sermon; you are all certainly most welcome. And what do you say we get these announcements out of the way?”

“Miss Mary’s tea social has been moved to Thursday at 3:00 instead of the usual time on Wednesday, so be sure to make a note of that. Also, Jim of ‘Jim’s Garage and Detailing Services’ will be closed so Jim can recover from his hernia operation, so we’ll wish him a speedy recovery.”

“As many of you know, Miss Agnos passed away yesterday and her funeral will be held right here at 10:00 Tuesday morning. Miss Agnos was a member of the choir; as a matter of fact she was one of the founding members dating back to 1980 and will surely be sorely missed. As a tribute to her passing, please join our choir for this hymn. Please stand.”

Glory Train” (2:42)

“Thank you and please be seated. Face it: we are under attack. That’s right, you heard me: we are under attack; all of us are under attack, and the enemy doesn’t care about skin color, whether you’re rich or poor, educated or not; they care only about one thing: do you believe in the ‘Golden Rule?’

“You know, a Christian believes in the Golden Rule, and a lot of other religions also believe in treating others as they too would wish to be treated, but not the Dems. The Dems are hypocrites. That’s right: the Dems are the devil’s disciples, spreading hate and mayhem wherever they go. We are on the side of good and no matter what the Dems may say, we are more generous than they. It is we who contribute more to charity; it is we who are against abortion; it is we who are for the Constitution and it is we who favor compulsory service of at least two years in whatever capacity Uncle Sam needs us, whether it be in the military or a street crossing guard for our school children.”

“And speaking of our schools, our school — the church’s school — never closed down; no one got sick and died. Miss Barker attributes our success on good hygiene and polite social skills. Oh, and no masks. Let’s have one more hymn, shall we? Please remain seated.”

The Water is Wide” (4:39)

“Now wasn’t that nice? Every statue tells a story, mostly about some achievement involving sacrifice. Statues need not necessarily glorify, but rather bring attention to some aspect of our shared history. A statue of Robert E. Lee is a case in point. A graduate of West Point, Lee knew that there was no way the South could beat the North, yet he sacrificed himself for the honor of the Southern states. Marie Curie sacrificed for knowledge; same for Isaac Newton, Galileo, Martin LutherCopernicus, and the list goes on.”

“Statues are a daily reminder that great people walk among us. A statue of Caligula is a reminder that insane people once in a while take charge. I think that the Biden-Harris ticket falls into that category, the one of ‘destroying the State for no apparent reason.’ I mean, you got to be pretty low to sell out your country for money.”

“Yes, I’m thinking the same thing you’re thinking: such people are called ‘traitors.’ We have a bunch of traitors running our government, confiscating our money and squandering it for their personal gain and the heck with our country, her Constitution and us. Selfish little people, little prima donnas, running around in circles doing not why.”

“Here’s the thing: think about the tyrants of the past all the way up to the here and now. Now ask yourself what is the common denominator that they all share and you’ll answer they all share a like-minded bureaucracy, a bunch of people going along for the ride for all kinds of reasons: power, prestige, money, you name it.”

“The Biden-Harris nightmare never would have happened if it wasn’t for small-minded little rats running around not being able to stand up and say, ‘No, you can’t do that: you can’t cheat on votes, the backbone of our Republic.’ But thousands of these little rats didn’t say a word, from county election officials (who allowed Obama’s name to be on the ballot in 2008) to truckloads of ballot boxes delivered in the dead of night to overthrow an election right in your own hometown; right where you live; right where all of us live.”

“That’s right: the election was stolen, not by Pelosi and Schumer, but by our very own neighbors, our very own precinct-watchers who didn’t watch, didn’t care, and didn’t do anything about it. It is they who are our enemy, those who don’t seem to think it’s a gosh-darn travesty that the likes of Biden-Harris aren’t wasting their worthless lives down in Gitmo side-by-side with Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, Hillary and a bunch of others, not to mention the Communist John Brennan.”

“So what have we learned? We learned that anybody could be a traitor. You look shocked: don’t be. The truth of the matter is that we lost our country and it’s up to us to get it back from the policeman or the FBI agent who followed illegal orders; from the librarian who moonlighted as a poll-watcher, as he or she watched ballots being pulled from under tables at 3:00 in the morning, after the other poll-watchers were long gone.”

“It’s the Nation of Islam’s intimidation tactics; the teacher’s derogatory remarks about out national anthem; and it’s the school board’s incompetency in allowing anti-Christian/pro-Muslim books. In short, it’s the whole nine yards and it starts with the neighbors across the street who do not wave the flag, don’t think much of Veterans. These ‘neighbors’ drink the Kool-Aid every day, swallowing the pabulum spewed by CNN, PBS and all the other Fake News organizations, not to mention the companies which produce the television commercials – not all, mind you – which are pushing the make-believe narrative that a group of people have assimilated when, in fact, they never had any intention to.”

“It is the end of the Republic; it is the end of our country; it is the beginning of the end of civilization and it is up to each of us to take back what was ours before it was stolen, and I can’t say it any clearer than that. We are in the end-game where we only have a few moves left, and the most important move any of us can possibly make is to be as well-armed and protected as possible.”

“Now I’m sorry if I burst anyone’s bubble; that I didn’t paint the Biden-Harris ticket as just another election loss, but the point is that THERE WAS NOT AN ELECTION IN THE FIRST PLACE: the whole process was stolen: there was no ‘election.’ Let me put it another way: every single state went for Trump, every single one. It was the biggest landslide in history and it was all wiped out because of our corrupt so-called judicial system that should’ve sent previous election-frauders to the firing squad but didn’t. And they should do it now, but they won’t. I know a Vietnam Vet who told me that every illegal ballot is the same as a bullet fired at his heart, and I can understand that sentiment: he fought for the Constitution and now look at what’s happening to our country.”

“It’s not just the politicians who are in the news day after day; it’s the small-minded selfish bureaucrats who are doing us in; it’s the unimaginative, the freeloaders, the scoffers, the gullible, and the mindless followers.”

“I, for one, want my country back, but it won’t happen through the courts, trust me; it won’t happen by law enforcement, trust me; and it won’t happen because of the Pentagon, trust me; but it might happen from you and me. A great wrong was done and it is up to us to put it right.”

“Thank you for attending our services and please join the choir as we exit the church, and in His name we pray for the strength and the patriotism to take our country back. Remember: dogs, drinks and burgers in the basement. Amen.”

Oh Happy Day” (5:55)

[*Commercial: for those of you who aren’t familiar with ‘Pulse,’ our live broadcasts have real commercials but, since this is a transcript of the show, Molly, our secretary, replaces the commercial with a song of her choice.]

Rook Dunkin

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