by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Apr. 17, 2024) — “Time Has Come Today” (2:42)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Everyone is looking for ‘Dark Matter,’ including our own Professor Zorkophsky, who wrote a book about it. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“And thank you for inviting me to hawk yet another bestseller. It took me 20 years to write the outline, mainly due to interruptions caused by cheaters, liars, and scumbags.”
“You mean Dems?”
“Communists, Socialists and Totalitarians; everyone who isn’t MAGA. May they all rot their lives away standing in the bread line.”
“Empty shelves. Heating oil off the chart. One news source.”
“Soon to come to the United States.”
“And if Trump [“Trump Won” (3:30)] doesn’t get back in, it’ll be the United Socialists States of America.”
“The book tackles the question of dimensions. In Chapter 7, I discuss parallel universes, one that has Hillary in jail. In Chapter 8 she is joined by Nancy Pelosi and Mike Pence for the real Jan. 6 insurrectionists.”
“Sounds like a pretty compelling book. Is Liz Cheney in one of the cells?”
“They all are; all the rats are behind bars. All the cheaters are locked up, for good. Everyone in America who doesn’t believe in the Constitution has been put away. All those infected with ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ are in ‘balloon bouncy rides.’ Needless to say, all the patients are on massive doses of Thorazine for their own good.”
“The book is good; buy it. Getting back to reality, if anyone in this totally corrupt administration had an ounce of integrity, they would abdicate and let Trump [“Justice for All” (2:24)] back in, but they’ve neither the insight nor the brains. History will judge them harshly.”
“Now, about your book.”
“Hillary?”
“The ‘Wicked Witch of the West.’”
“Biden?”
“Forever a ‘Pinocchio.’”
“Jill Biden?”
“Svengali.”
“Merrick Garland?”
“Let’s pause for this short commercial break.”
“What a Wonderful World” (2:10)
“Now to your book. You say the dimension of time can somehow be weighed, is that right?”
“You got it. Trump allowing Speaker Johnson to come to Mar-a-Largo was a big mistake. Mike Johnson is a RINO; there’s no doubt about it. No money to Ukraine means no money, or am I wrong?”
“No, you’re right.”
“We need to trash this ‘Sanctuary City’ nonsense, understand?”
“Understood.”
“And if you’re on Welfare, you work for it. Sweep the streets, something; understood?”
“Understood. Now, about this ‘Dark Matter and Dark Energy?’”
“It’s all in the book. Now, Rachel Maddow is Nurse Ratched; Joy Reid is some paperweight, any paperweight, and Whoopi Goldberg is a hat on a statue, any statue.”
“It seems you’ve given this a lot of thought.”
“Not really; it’s what I’ve heard from my PTSD patients. You see, they come in with all these wild fantasies, so naturally I ask them about this ‘Dark Energy’ and why we can’t see it, measure it somehow, so they go off on tangents. I record it and write a book. Easy as pie.”
“So, what do you think about this election?”
“Trump needs to ask one question.”
“And what question is that?”
“This is the choice: All the fathers who have daughters, the chances of having your daughter raped, are they higher under Biden or under Trump? All the married men, are the chances of the wife getting molested greater under Biden or under Trump? All the sons and daughters, are the chances of your mother getting raped, tortured and murdered greater under Biden or under Trump?”
“That’s it? One question?”
“Simple: everyone has a mother, so that one question covers all possibilities. Would you want your mother to witness her grandchildren’s death? Of course not. Under Biden it’s not only possible, but since that disastrous debacle pulling out of Afghanistan, our sworn enemy has reason to believe that’s a distinct possibility for the non-believers in Great Satan; it’s a possibility. Plus, we gave them weapons to do us in, all thanks to Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, giving orders to ‘Let’s go Brandon!’”
“So maybe you don’t want to discuss the book?”
“Later. You know, Trump [“81 Million Votes, My A**” (3:13)], I think we’ll equate with ‘King Richard, the Lionheart,’ plus he has the added advantage of a yellow mane; a true warrior, his fate is our fate, we are entwined as one. We share our world with our Japanese cousins as they share theirs with ours. It is so.
“We offer stability while China offers nothing but a yoke of mediocrity; we offer peace while Iran and her insane followers offer everlasting conflict. At least Russia stayed away from the E.U. nonsense, giving the enemy a free pass in which to invade. Look at all those European countries that have continuous rapes and random stabbings.
“We are in the end game, the last year, the last months of the experiment of self-governing. Biden offers the end of humanity while Trump offers a new beginning. Do we live in squalor, or do we reach for the stars?
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“If the polls were honest, it should be about all-out for Trump, except for the losers such as ‘Morning Joe.’”
“Unfortunately, our time is up. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Professor ‘Trash the masks’ Zorkophsky, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Sensitive Kind” (4:00)
Roving Reporter