by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Mar. 9, 2024) — “Ol’ Man River” (4:24)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest went to a war, got shot at and in hand-to-hand combat, even had a knife at his throat but survived it all only to come back into the world ‘nuttier than a fruitcake,’ ‘shell-shocked,’ ‘banan-ed’ and ‘PTSD’ed.’ He went to college on the GI Bill and became a professor of psychology specializing in treating nutcases like himself. When he worked for the VA, he refused to prescribe downers to his patients so he was fired. He believed that drugs weren’t the cure but a crutch. He produced an award-winning blockbuster movie, wrote a record number of bestsellers and is with us today hawking yet another book: ‘Alcoholism and PTSD.’ Welcome aboard ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot, Professor Zorkophsky.”
“Thank you, Roving, for such an informative introduction. By the way, the subtitle of my book is, ‘The Key to Freedom: A Gun.’”
“Let me see if I get this right. You wrote a book about drunk nuts with guns?”
“No, I wrote a book about nuts who quit the booze and all the other drugs and became productive citizens armed to continue to fulfill their Oath to the Constitution, that’s what I did.”
“Oh. Go on.”
“I learned that all my schooling about how to treat PTSD was a bunch of malarkey, is what I learned. Like 15 years and change going to school to learn how to get my mind straight when I had it right from the very start: hang out with people who were in the same boat and, eventually, you have a support group to at least keep you afloat until you deal with the issues that made you go nuts in the first place.”
“What was it with you?”
“When I finally got it sorted out, it was burning to death because every nightmare had the black cloud with the orange center of napalm, and the acid odor. Once I realized that the chances of going through the rest of my life worrying about a canister of napalm landing on my head wasn’t necessary, the nightmares stopped. When I figured that being afraid of going to sleep was a wasted effort, I became nightmare-free. Getting free of the addiction of alcohol and nicotine took a couple of years longer, but I got over it and here I am.”
“So how long did that last?”
“The nightmares lasted 17 years.”
“And you haven’t had a one since the last one?”
“Not a one. And not one drink, puff or drug in over 20 years and counting.”
“Good for you, and all without the prescribed drugs from the VA?”
“They’ll mess up your mind, this I guarantee you. You’ll never get off them and you’ll still be certifiably nuts.”
“So, let me see if I understand this. If you followed what the VA told you, you would still be taking the prescribed drugs and still have the nightmares caused by your PTSD? Is that what you’re saying?”
“That’s right, I’d still be a nut case; that’s a fact. Problem is, I lost my wife along the way, but I plan to see her in heaven when I die; that’s the best I can do. Best thing I ever did was to marry that girl; the worst was to divorce her. A tough cross to bear, of this I assure you.”
“That’s sad.”
“Yes, it most certainly is. They say a man isn’t supposed to cry, but that doesn’t mean he can’t have a broken heart.”
“I think this is a good time to pause for a commercial break. Be right back.”
“Crying” (3:46)
“And we’re back with Professor Zorkophsky, who wrote a book about how to cure nuts. During the break, you said you wanted to talk about the ‘J-Sixers’ [“Justice for All” (2:24)]. Take it away.”
“Alright and thank you. I volunteered for the military, served honorably, did my time and got an Honorable Discharge. Here’s what I want to say: I didn’t put my life on the line for this corrupt government and certainly not for my fellow citizens who protested a stolen election to have their Constitutional rights violated. So, a word to the wise: if you think you can deprive a fellow citizen of what it means to be an American, you just got on the bad side of me. That’s all the warning you’ll ever get.”
“Can you be a little bit more specific?”
“Illegal immigrants and Muslims, all who are part of the stolen election and the persecution of the ‘J-Sixers’ and all the other Deep-Staters; is that good enough for you?”
“Any comments about that ‘State of Confusion’ speech?”
“Just one. It would’ve been more apropos had Brandon’s – the Fascist pig –backdrop been the Independence Hall as it was in his rantings on Sept. 1, 2022.”
“Couldn’t agree with you more. I think that’ll do it for us tonight. One last thought before we sign off: on RAV TV the closet thing you’ll see to Marilyn Monroe is Natalie Winters who, by the way, is smart as a whip. Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[Reminder: We here at ‘Pulse’ continue to push for the elimination of the Department of Education, the Department of Homeland Security and the abolishing of the Patriot Act. We also push that every female high school graduate be given a lightweight revolver along with her diploma; we believe that every woman should show a loaded revolver in her purse in order to renew her driver’s license.]
“Starting Today” (3:44)