by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Apr. 15, 2024) — “I’m a Believer” (2:46)
The show opens with Henry and Roving standing on the sidewalk under the awning across from the railroad station in a suburb of a once-great city. Henry is on 6’ stilts and, like Roving, wearing a MAGA hat. Both are wearing trench coats, Henry to hide the stilts, Roving to stay dry.
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. As you can see, we’re back on our home turf but, because of a number of reasons, nobody is waiting for the Burlington to take them to the big city. You all know Henry. Open your coat, Henry, and show them your stilts.”
“No, Roving; this is, after all, a family show and I may come off as a masher, if you don’t mind.”
“Oh, yes, of course.”
“You mentioned the lack of traffic and I think I can give some explanation. First, the fear of going into the big city to get mugged, raped, tortured or killed is a little bit too much for a paycheck, plus the fact is that there’s no jobs.”
“But the government says there’s plenty of jobs; I mean, they say the unemployment numbers are low.”
“Right, just as they say inflation is low, or the rate of inflation is low. What a bunch of ‘horse hockey.’ Everything is twice as expensive since Trump [“Trump Won” (3:30)], so how can anyone be better off?”
“I’d say malarkey. By the way, what does ‘horse hockey’ mean, anyway?”
“You don’t want to know. Now, as I was saying, nothing is ‘Made in the USA’ anymore. Everything is either made in China or elsewhere owned by the CCP, the Chinese Communist Party. Most of our pharmaceuticals are made in China; heck, even our penicillin is made in China.”
“That’s not good. Who do we have to thank for our dependence on China?”
“Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, and his puppet, the Biden Administration. And it gets even worse. There are some components of our fighter jets made in China.”
“No way.”
“Yes way. All they have to do is program our jets to stall and they’ll drop out of the sky like dead pigeons.”
“Like they steer freighters into bridges?”
“Yes, but we’re not supposed to speculate because the Deep State may be listening.”
“I hear ‘Deep State’ all the time. Who are these people?”
“Nancy Pelosi tops the list with her ties to China; Chuck Schumer for throwing Israel under the bus; Obama, Biden, Clinton and the Bushes for decimating our military; and Hollywood for poisoning the minds of the easily swayed, like the Dems, for instance.”
“Why do you pick on the Dems?”
“Ever hear of ‘rape trees?’ That word never would have been created if it wasn’t for Biden opening our southern border for the invasion of the illegal immigrants. But the rape trees are just the tip of the iceberg; the real threat, besides the obvious rapists, pedophiles, and murderers, are the ones carrying diseases, some of them harmful beyond belief.”
“Well, like what?”
“Tuberculosis and polio, measles and smallpox may come back with a vengeance. The point is, we just don’t know, but what we do know is that it doesn’t bode well to let people into our country who have not been properly vetted.”
“But if we know that much, why don’t they?”
“Face it, the world is crumbling around us, and it all started on Biden’s first day when he halted the Keystone Pipeline. We were energy-independent and on our way to be energy- dominant, but Obama couldn’t let that continue, no, siree; how else to funnel American dollars to Iran and others so they are able to buy weapons to kill Jews and Christians with?”
“And Americans elected Biden to have their country destroyed?”
“Yep. Time for a break.”
“Gina” (2:42)
“And we’re back on the sidewalk to discuss the end of our country, the end of the experiment known as ‘self-rule’ that’s going down the drain faster than you can shake a stick at. Why is that, Henry?”
“I think complacency had a lot to do with it, as in ‘it can’t happen here.’ But it is happening here, so there: the John Birchers were right all along, preaching that we’ll be taken over from within.”
“Hasn’t happened yet.”
“Don’t hold your breath. There are just too many stupid people who haven’t a clue what’s going on.”
“How do you mean?”
“Besides the beyond-obvious – Muslims – we have the problem of being destroyed from within. No invading army has to destroy us; we’re destroying ourselves, and it all started with our public schools and the elimination of our citizen army. We fail to teach citizenship and we eliminated the Draft, two colossal mistakes coupled with the failure of our District Attorneys who saw no crime committed when our statues were toppled and historic paintings destroyed. Erasing the past is the first step in destroying the future.”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean if you’ve nothing to build upon then you’re more than likely to make the same mistakes.”
“Yes, I think you’re right about that. You were married, right? What kind of girl was she and what did she look like?”
“She was sweet, is what she was. Had a green back and her underside was white; nice looking and, believe it or not, she was a redhead.”
“A frog with a tuft of red hair?”
“She was an Irish frog.”
“Oh. Professor Zorkophsky says divorce is the result of miscommunication, or a lack of communication. I heard you say when you called your wife you wanted to tell her that you loved her but were afraid that she’d tell you to go fly a kite, so, instead, you told her you divorced her. Is that true, you divorced the one person in the world you loved because you were afraid to get your feelings hurt? You are one lost frog.”
“I know that; thanks for rubbing it in. Look, I didn’t come here to review my most colossal failure in life; I came here to interview commuters.”
“Of which there are none, unless you count the illegals that the bus just dropped off. What are the chances of the United States lasting for another 200 years?”
“Truthfully, you’re not going to make another 20 years, if that. If I were a betting frog, I’d say you be lucky to make ten.”
“Why do you say that?”
“Simply put, you have too many stupid people in charge. Take all the members of your judicial system, from the rookie cop to the seasoned judge: they all follow orders, and lately those orders have been illegal orders. No one is afraid of following an illegal order because, well, job security tops turning your back on the Constitution. Illegal searches and seizures come to mind.”
“The Fourth Amendment.”
‘Yes, but you know it’s all window dressing.”
“Okay, spill the beans; don’t hold back.”
“Trump [“81 Million Votes, My A**” (3:13)] will win so we’ll have a false sense of victory. But, deep down, it won’t mean a hill of beans. Oh, we’ll laugh, and cheer and the price of gas will go down, but it’ll all be one big show. He says he’ll deport, baby, deport. But will he deport Ilhan Omar and Rashida Tlaib and all the others who hate America? who love Hamas? who march in support of Palestine? No, he won’t. I would, but Trump won’t.”
“Why not?”
“Because too many people think that Islam is some sort of bona fide religion when, in fact, it’s a death cult whose members will never assimilate into the American dream. No equal rights for women; hello, hijab and the burqa. And it’s just a matter of time until the statue of Abraham Lincoln is beheaded and the statement from the local DA will be ‘searching for a motive.’ Face it, the USA is on its way O-U-T.”
“And our military?”
“Woke, what do you think of that? All got the ‘Clot Shot,’ no doubt something to be proud of, as if dying of Myocarditis is a badge of patriotism. The Pentagon will issue some kind of posthumous medal commemorating a ‘willingness to go through life stupid’ at the ‘hero’s’ burial.”
“You don’t sound any too confident in the United States.”
“If you don’t like the truth, stay out of the kitchen. For the past 1,400 years the rational people of the world have put up with too may insane people running loose murdering, as they did on Oct. 7, and we need to put an end to it once and for all. Tell me, what will it take? Another 9-11? Another Boston Marathon bombing? Another Oct.7th? More random stabbings? More so-called honor premeditated murders?”
“I think you made your point.”
“I don’t think so. I want Trump to lay it on the line: if you are antisemitic, leave now. If you are Muslim, leave now. If you hate Little Satan and Big Satan, leave. But he won’t; you know he won’t. He may get it but, well, the Deep State has ‘seven ways to Sunday’ to get anyone standing in their way. Ninety percent of Americans think there’s only a small percentage of Muslims who are ‘radical,’ who have been ‘taken over.’ The fact is Oct. 7 is just another day for them to celebrate, with many more to follow. Every day Christians are murdered by Muslims in Africa. Every day. Understand? I don’t think you do, and therein lies the answer to why the USA won’t survive, not a shadow of a doubt. And the fact that you doubt what I just said proves my point.”
“Alright, we’ll leave it at that. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Henry, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“You came on a little strong, Henry, but I believe you. Burger for me and I’ve some fresh worms for you, topped with cottage cheese and chives.”
“Sayonara” (2:26)
Roving Reporter