by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Apr. 6, 2024) — “It’s a Good Day” (1:49)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Had Hillary Clinton supported building the wall and denied illegal immigrants drivers’ licenses, she would’ve been president. Had Joe Biden kept President Trump’s [“Trump Won” (3:30)] policies in place, specifically the wall and energy independence rather than being a willing puppet of Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, he would’ve been a great president, but you can’t expect a liar and a thief to come clean because it’s the ‘right thing to do.’ Professor Zorkophsky went to a war, came back nuts and became a respected psychiatrist treating combat Veterans with PTSD; wrote numerous bestselling books; produced an award-winning movie; and has been one of our favorite guests. Please welcome Professor ‘Trash the masks’ Zorkophsky.”
“Thank you for the informative introduction but, please, call me ‘Zork’ because I feel it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere. There’s been talk about building some sort of stupid pier on the Gaza coast, but what if there was nothing to build a pier for in the first place? What if Gaza was leveled by B52 and B2 strikes until the whole area was pulverized? What if Hamas was eliminated from the face of the earth? Would there be any reason for a stupid pier then?”
“No, of course not.”
“I think Obama’s future plan is to make Gaza our 51st state so a pier is already in the works. The NAVY is currently soliciting bids from contractors, willing to give kickbacks to all those in Congress who go along for the ride.”
“What percentage would the kickbacks be?”
“Same rate as the kickbacks from the money earmarked for Ukraine.”
“That makes sense: don’t mess with success. Have you heard anything from the developers in Maui where, you know, they burned the inhabitants out and now they’re ready to move in, right?”
“It’s a slow process. Getting back to the Caliphate, what surprised them is how fast they sent their troops worldwide.”
“Troops?”
“Fellow believers. Look, this pier thing is just another excuse to import more Muslims into the United States, is what it is, and establish some kind of US base over there. Very bad idea with the end game leaving more US troops killed, reminiscent of the disastrous withdraw from Afghanistan. They brainwashed so many people that most of the EU, Canada, and the US believe that Islam is some sort of benevolent religion when it’s the complete opposite.”
“It’s not?”
“I didn’t come here to talk about the obvious; I came here to talk about this next election that looks more and more like it’ll never happen. In a perfect world every United States citizen would be for MAGA [“81 Million Votes, My A**” (3:13)], right?”
“I think that goes without saying, unless you hate this country and love to have your freedoms stripped.”
“But it’s not a perfect world because there’s just way too many small-minded people in charge, that’s why. Why have airport security when thousands of our enemies are arriving every day, by plane? Why send weapons to Israel when at the same time you send weapons to Hezbollah, as Ambassador Stevens discovered Hillary was doing out of Benghazi and Misrata, Libya?”
“Yes, I remember that. ‘What difference, at this point, does it make?’ It looks like we’re throwing Israel under the bus; what do you think about that?”
“I think it’s a sad day to be a Christian, I’ll tell you that. Israel is supposed to be our most enduring ally. But it’s not just Israel we are throwing under the bus; we are throwing our own country under, too. Our goose is being cooked.”
“Yes, I think we can see that. Any thoughts about the total solar eclipse?”
“Yes, I have developed a hat to protect from the harmful vapors that cicadas release at such times: $19.95 plus tax.”
“You’re kidding.”
“Of course I’m kidding, but they’re selling like hotcakes just the same. Here’s yours; I brought enough for your whole crew. One last thing: everyone, not only on the planet, but up in space as well*, knows that the election was rigged, and to think otherwise means a serious mental disease has taken root and needs to be exorcised by a qualified individual versed in common sense. Any supporter of Trump is qualified to perform the exorcism, but you got to have tons of patience, a quality I lack, much to my dismay.”
“So you’ve never done an exorcism on a Biden supporter?”
“No, I haven’t, and I don’t think I could; I mean, the time for being ‘nice’ has passed because if we don’t win this November our country is toast.”
“Toast?”
“Gone; kaput; finished; police state personified; goodbye, Constitution, the rule of law, equal rights for women out the window; the end for the hope of freedom for the world; no more democracy for anyone, ever; no more free speech; gulags everywhere; one source of news with no discerning opinions contradicting obvious lies, like the Jan. Sixers [“Justice for All” (2:24)] conducting an ‘insurrection.’ How childish to think that any responsible voter would believe what ‘The View’ and CNN have been pushing for the last decade: lies are the truth.”
“Thanks. That’ll do it for this episode, and so this is your Roving Reporter, along with Zork, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. I like the carpet-bomb idea, by the way. And making Ukraine a member of NATO is just as stupid as making Turkey a member of NATO. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Up in space as well: On the International Space Station (ISS).]
[No matter how you look at it, a grandmother found guilty of insurrection or, for that matter, any of the Jan. Sixers, is just plain wrong. Trashing the Constitution bodes an ill wind to us all.]
“Mama Ain’t Long for Day/Wake Up Mama” (3:10)
Roving Reporter
To Roving Reporter:
My thoughts, exactly.