The Most Requested Follow-up Interview (RR)

by Roving Reporter, ©2024     

(Feb. 13, 2024) — “The Unicorn Song” (3:21)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. The other day our boss happened to mention the possibility of getting caught up on answering ‘Letters to Pulse,’ so I asked her which subject was most asked about and she answered the one about the ‘Iridescent Armadillos.’ And so, as you can see, we’re back at the farm, about 30 miles out of town, where we first spoke to the, ah, visitors. Now I don’t know how to summon armadillos, so I called Chief New Leaf to give us a helping hand. Thanks for showing up on such short notice.”

“Always glad to lend a helping hand, Roving. Now, if you’ll stand back a few paces, I’ll start my ‘Rain Dance.’”

“To summon armadillos?”

“You got a better idea?”

“No, I guess not. Let’s take a quick commercial break; be right back.”

“Cherokee Rain Dance” (2:45)

At the end of the Rain Dance, there is a rustling behind a bush and two iridescent armadillos come wandering out.

“We come in peace if you no run over us. If you run over us, you’ll have to answer to our cousins; fair enough?”

“Go ahead, Chief.”

“Very well. We no run over you if you answer our questions with truthfulness and honesty.”

“Armadillos and frogs share the same ‘truthful gene’: we cannot tell a lie.”

“Please tell me why the USA is at war with the world?”

“You are at war with the world because it makes for more prestige and money for whoever controls the purse strings, like your politicians who vote to give billions to Ukraine and your Joint Chiefs of Staff. It is very straightforward; just look who owns cabins in the woods with acreage.”

“Can you foresee the future? Will Trump win?”

“Trump will win, but if the undesirables aren’t deported it’ll be for naught. He mentions deportations but he never mentions the Muslims being deported, and if he doesn’t bother to do that you might as well have another four years of any RINO or Dem; what’s the difference? It’s one thing to put Trump back where he belongs, but if he doesn’t do what must be done to actually save the Republic, good luck with that. He’ll close the border, no doubt, but you got a good 30 million who shouldn’t be here and should be shown the door ASAP. And that’s the truth. You got a little less than a year to get it together; will you?”

“I sure hope so. Thank you for visiting us.”

“And thank you for inviting us. We take great pleasure talking with you where we get lots of laughs from a people who have the perfect document, the Constitution, but manage to mess up everything you touch to quite unbelievable heights. Your schools are worthless, by the way; why is that? You keep on throwing money at problems but fail to fix anything. It’s like a young man is bleeding to death and, as a fix, you give him the keys to a brand-new Porsche, but what’s the point?”

“I see your point.”

“We’re not sure that you do. You will have illegal immigrant children that you’ll be reluctant to deport, along with their parents, grandparents, uncles and aunts and close friends. You’re not smart enough to realize that Islam is a culture of death, that there is nothing positive about people who would like nothing more than to murder everyone who doesn’t believe as they do. These people, these Muslims, do not believe in the GOLDEN RULE, free speech and will never accept the Constitution as the ‘Law of the Land,’ and the longer you let them live in your country the more rapes and murders you will have. Now listen: they say they will kill you,* so why don’t you believe them? Talking to you is like talking to the cat.”

“That is so.”

“Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.”

“I’ll take over, Chief. That’s all the time we have and so this is your Roving Reporter, along with Chief New Leaf, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*They say they will kill you: As a reminder, what has transpired in the UK and Europe will soon come to our shores.]

“Apache” (3:40)

Roving Reporter