by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Jan. 28, 2023) — “Magical Mystery Tour” (2:50)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. As you can readily tell by the chalkboard on wheels, today’s featured guest is our favorite General. Welcome back: long time, no see. How have you been, and what are all these colored squiggly lines on your chalkboard?”
“Glad to see you, too, Roving. I want you to notice that I’m not going to mention anything about you being out of uniform and no sidewalls*; I’m not going to mention you not jumping to attention when I entered the room and I’m not going to mention not saluting. I will, however, compliment you on your shined shoes; at least you got something right.”
“Thank you, General.”
“Now as far as these, as you say, ‘squiggly lines’ go, the red one represents the worth of our dollar compared to the English Pound; the blue line to the German Mark; and the pink one to the Japanese Yen. This brown one represents the increased number of illegal border crossings which, incidentally, is equal to the increased amount of displeasure the population of our country has for Joe Biden & Gang by this black line.”
“That’s interesting, but why are they so squiggly?”
“To tell the truth, I just took in a stray kitten and, as I was drawing the straight lines, he kept climbing up my pant leg, hence the squiggles.”
“Oh, I understand. What’s with the purple line?”
“The purple line is the worry gauge of those who broke their Oath to the Constitution, the ones who did wrong, got caught, and are whining the loudest about Trump threatening to incarcerate them.”
“They’re the ones who broke the law, aren’t they? Why is our country in such a mess?”
“You got it. The easiest crime to prove is insider trading, so Pelosi goes to jail. Another one is dereliction of duty, so the Joint Chiefs of Staff go to Leavenworth.
‘And Obama?”
“Put him in a cage behind a pickup truck and travel the country, let people throw rotten tomatoes at him, maybe $10 a pop; pay down the National Debt.”
“I like it.”
“I’m glad you do but I must be going to a, call it a ‘happening’ down in Texas [“I Can’t See Texas from Here” (2:29)]. Bye.”
“And there goes our featured guest. Be right back after this commercial break.”
“I’ve Been Hurt” (2:31)
“And will you look who just hopped in to save the day [“Here I Come to Save the Day” (0:34)] but Henry. Thank God you’re here.”
“Thar’s funny, because when I woke this morning, I had a nagging feeling that I had to be somewhere, so I guess this is it.”
“I’m sure it is.”
“Great. Now, let me take over [“Fire” (2:43)]. Here’s the deal: I’m in control. That’s right, listening live or reading the transcript, you are a captured audience. Doesn’t make a lick of difference if you’re an Obot or MAGA, I got you. You’re mine. It’s the chronological order of the words and the spacing that allows me to captivate your brain. Here, I’ll prove it to you.
“Biden is responsible for the rape trees along the path that the illegals take to cross our southern border and you feel bad that innocent little girls are being tortured. There, now you certainly feel something, that is if you’re not one of them, and I know you don’t want to be one of them.
“Now pay attention: you lost; you don’t have a country anymore. No country. You’re alone in a lifeboat in a sea of enemies. It is true that it started long before Obama, but the ‘Obamacare’ and the ‘Stimulus’ sealed the deal; your fate was preordained.
“You’re so hung-up on the ‘freedom of religion’ clause that you failed to see that Islam is out to destroy Western Civilization and they hate you for it. Muslims hate Jews and Christians because you don’t have enough guts, backbone and integrity to back up your beliefs. Oh, sure, you talk a good talk but you have Muslims in your government and millions all around you, and you have the audacity to wonder why so many of your Veterans are eating a bullet every day.
“You lost every battle you’ve ever been in and if Trump [“Trump Won” (3:30)] doesn’t get in, then you’ve lost the war. As of now, the USA is toast so the question is: do we have what it takes to take it back?
“I don’t think so, not if we have such traitors as ‘Morning Joe’ allowed to run around loose, him and all the other Fake News. Why can’t they report the truth? Are they that stupid AND that greedy, like the Biden Crime Syndicate and the Clinton Machine?
“And every day we hear about the so-called Jan. 6 ‘insurrection”when the REAL insurrection was orchestrated by Nancy Pelosi, Mike Pence and the rest of the gang.
“This thing in Texas? Is it a diversion? You tell me; I don’t hear one peep out of equating CAIR and the Muslim Brotherhood with Oct. 7. I don’t hear one peep out of tar-and-feathering Chuck Schumer and Mitch McConnell, have you?
“And all this talk out of ‘the largest deportation in human history’ is nothing but hot air. Not one anchor baby (family and extended family, aunts, grandparents, godfathers) and Muslim will be deported. Not one. Hot air, nothing but bravado speech.
“There, I said the truth and I feel better for it. Meanwhile, the guards and wardens, the judges and the jurors of the Jan. 6 prisoners [“Justice for All” (2:24)] will have that slice of pie while Patriots rot. Hope you choke.
“Rot, just like our Constitution, never to see the light of day. Good luck with all of that, so take your George Floyd posters and, well, go get a clot shot and feel better about the world. Me? I’m arming and buying ammo; at least I’ll go down fighting instead of wringing my hands and peacefully marching and holding up posters saying, ‘Hooray For My Side’ [“For What it’s Worth” (2:49)].
“It’s over. The question is do we take it back or not? The allowable border crossings in the future is a non-negotiable ZERO; hear that, Schumer and McConnell? Goodbye.”
“And off he goes, and so do we. Burger time.”
“Because” (2:45)