by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Jan. 3, 2024) — “Things We Said Together” (2:37)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s featured guest is an old friend of ‘Pulse,’ none other than our favorite Indian, Chief New Leaf. Welcome back: long time no see.”
“How. Can’t phone, say ‘How?’”
“How you been?”
“How does ‘fine’ sound to you?”
“That’s it. Excuse us while we take a short break.’
“Get Off of My Cloud” (2:57)
“And we’re back with Chief New Leaf, who is going to tell us about the American Indian’s point of view, right?”
“If you say. We American Indians don’t understand ‘not obvious.’ Trump [“Justice for All“(2:24)] wants to have a country; Biden does not. Trump wants a border; Biden does not. Trump doesn’t want any rape trees and human trafficking; Biden couldn’t care less. So, why does Trump have to spend one red cent on his campaign; can you tell me that?”
“You want the truth?”
“For once.”
“Because most Americans are stupid beyond belief. If I told you how stupid most Americans are, you wouldn’t believe me.”
“Try me.”
“Americans elected an unqualified Muslim as their president, and then reelected him*. Americans experienced an insurrection when VP Mike Pence certified illegal ballots as being somehow honest when everyone with half a brain knew Trump won [“Trump Won” (3:30)] hands down. Need I continue?”
“No, I’m more than convinced.”
“Overall, what do your fellow braves think of it?”
“They can’t believe Trump needs to do a darn thing. I mean, isn’t it all beyond obvious? Do you want Fentanyl poisoning or not?”
“He could, in theory, conduct his campaign from the cabana at Mar-a-Largo.”
“But he won’t; he’ll campaign until the sun rises on voting day.”
“Bless his heart.”
“Undoubtedly. So, what do the Braves say?”
“I have a cousin, Animal Hanging off a Branch, who says that if Trump isn’t in the White House come Jan. 20, 2025, then all the Indian Treaties with the American Government are automatically rendered null and void.”
“Wow, but I suppose we had to expect that; I mean, the treaties were with the Constitution more than who the president was at the time of signing.”
“That is true, and if there never was a president, Biden is at the top of the list, but the Constitution remains the determining factor for the moment.”
“For the moment?”
“We have millions of Muslims who are out-birthing everyone and plan to trash the law of our land to be replaced with Sharia Law. We’re not buying into that malarkey one bit, that and every illegal immigrant is a lawbreaker and deserves to be treated as such.”
“Meaning?”
“If we catch a Muslim or an illegal immigrant on any of our reservations, Tribal Law takes precedence, and I have continued faith that the law enforcement arm of our justice system will be swift but fair.”
“That sounds reasonable. So, you’re telling Trump to save his campaign money for more important things, like what?”
“Let’s start with prosecuting Anthony Fauci and go down from there. Anyone in the government who took money from China and Big Pharma, well, maybe we should send them all to the Tribal Police and let them deal with them.”
“Sounds reasonable to me. Well, our time is up so this is your Roving Reporter, along with Chief New Leaf, wishing you all a goodnight.”
“Hold it! I’d like to say one more thing, if I may. Everyone is saying China is the enemy; well, I say not so. We’re the enemy, not China. We take money from China and that makes those that do traitors. You can’t go around blaming China for good old American greed, now, can you?”
“I suppose not. Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*Reelected him: That would be Barry Soetoro, aka Obama.]
“Positively 4th Street” (4:05)
Roving Reporter