by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(May 22, 2023) — “Justice for All” (2:24)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. There’s been many a talk and speculation how far into dementia ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ is, and you’ve got to be blind or a complete fool not to have noticed by now, more than two years into the systematic and planned destruction of our Constitution. It’s been more than a decade since the Patriot Act was passed and it’s been more than a decade when it should have been wiped off the books. But we still have bad laws and bad actors in our nation’s capital so we’ve asked Professor Zorkophsky to give us a hand to understand how human beings can be so, well, what’s the word I’m looking for?”
“’Nuts’; you’re looking for the word ‘nuts,’ a professionally accepted term that describes the mental condition of the whack jobs we see every day on the TV.”
“Is it possible to conduct a serious mental evaluation on any of the whack jobs we see every day on TV?”
“Yes, it is not only possible but desirable in many ways, I mean, some of these people are so far gone that they’ll never get back and, trust me, you don’t want to be around when they learn the truth. It’s horrible, on the one hand, but on the other, immensely enjoyable.”
“Please explain.”
“Well, take these anti-‘election deniers.’ These people believe that the 2020 election was honest and, because they swallowed the first lie, they blamed the Jan. 6 ‘insurrection’ not on VP Mike Pence and mad-as-a-hatter Pelosi, but on Trump himself, which is like believing in a childhood fantasy that they never forgot and always wished for, and still do, matter of fact.”
“Such as?”
“The ‘monster under the bed’ or the one ‘in the closet’ that only creeps out in the wee hours of the morning and devours little helpless sleeping children who didn’t brush their teeth and say their prayers before bed.”
“Why, that’s nuts.”
“I told you so.”
“Do any stand out?”
“No, they’re all so invested in ‘Russian Collusion’ that there’s no way out, which is why we professional psychiatrists enjoy ‘curing’ someone with ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ so much.”
“How much?”
“I’m glad you asked that; I wouldn’t’ve, but I’m glad you did. Recently — well, maybe not so recently — we made it an unwritten rule that we film when a patient who once believed the Constitution wasn’t worth a hoot comes to realize that our sacred document is the keystone of our Republic and, therefore, everything they previously believed was one big fat lie, namely Trump is anti-Constitution while the Dems are pro-Constitution.”
“What happens when they find out they were wrong?”
“You’re not going to believe this, but they all start acting, not ‘like,’ but exactly like, I mean, every little seemingly insignificant mannerism down to the exactness is amazing and, mind you, extremely frightening at the same time.”
“Why is that, I mean the frightening part?”
“I mean, their mind accepts that they lived a wrong life; that the past eight years have been wasted; that they made fools of themselves and there’s no possible redemption except to come clean, confess their sins and start anew.”
“And they do that?”
“Of course not. They’re cowards to start. They’ve lied to themselves for so many years that they can never be cured and will never achieve even a semblance of ‘normalcy.’ They no longer identify as a normal, rational human being, and that’s the truth.”
“So, they’re, as you say, ‘nuts.’ Who, or what, do they turn into, as you were saying?”
“Hold on: Joe Scarborough, and it’s all on film. We’ve recorded thousands of Dems displaying ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’; they run around the office holding typewriter paper over their heads and ripping it in half, mimicking Pelosi. They hide in corners pretending they’re ANTIFA and BLM burning and looting; they stand in the hallways, not moving an inch, pretending they’re the police following the mayor’s orders while watching buildings burn, women raped, people murdered, and cars stolen and trashed.”
“No way.”
“Yes. Now look. What we’ve done is to factor it all down into a board game, understand? So, you throw the dice, and you get a ‘6,’ you then must read the card on pile 6 which reads: ‘George Floyd was a thief, drug pusher and a bully and on his way out, cops or no cops.’”
“What if you roll boxcars?”
“You take the card from pile ‘12’ and read it out loud. It may read: ‘If you watch ‘The View,’ you will end up so stupid as to resemble the hosts of that show.’”
“You’re kidding.”
“I wish I were, Roving, but I’m not. This Joe Scarborough character is a dangerous idiot, and there’s just too many out there to, well, let me just say there’s too many nuts running around without proper supervision.”
“What do you think ‘proper supervision’ for them should be?”
“Truthfully? Locked up in a sanitarium where they can’t hurt others or themselves.”
“Padded rooms?”
“Basket-weaving and fingerpainting will be their main outlets instead of repeating lie after lie, year after year. Has Scarborough ever apologized for how wrong he was – and is – about Trump? About the ‘Russian Collusion Hoax?’ About anything?”
‘No.”
“And he never will. Maybe we’ll see him running around the studio ripping paper above his head as we see the men in the white jackets taking him away, and Mika, too.”
“I’ll watch the show if they give us advance notice.”
“I’m sorry but I have to run; book signings.”
“Very well. And that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time.”
[When it’s all said and done, you just can’t hide the fact that the exit from Afghanistan was a total catastrophe. There are no two ways to spin it: Biden and the Joint Chiefs bear full responsibility. Having lived in Japan, Suppuku comes to mind.]
“Trump Won” (3:30)
Roving Reporter