by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Mar. 7, 2023) — “Teenage Wasteland” (5:06)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’ve been inundated with the question, ‘Can our country survive?’ Good question, and here to answer is our very own General, the General with the chalkboard on wheels. Welcome aboard, General.”
“That’s Navy talk, son. We’re Army; no sun-of-a-gun is going to torpedo us, are they? Certainly not. Won’t stand for it, and why should we? Well, we shouldn’t, and that’s a fact. You can write that to your congressman. Print in big and bold capital letters. Be proud, and speaking of which, you’re out of uniform; are you aware of that? I ought to demote you, but I seem to have a distinct aversion to paperwork ever since I got my first star. It was a day like today…”
“Yes, I’m sure it was, General, and I’m sure we would all like to hear the story of your first star sometime, but we only have so much time.”
“Nonsense. Don’t they know I’m a General? Let me prove it to them. Cameraman, please focus on my chalkboard on wheels. See this circle? It has been divided by three triangles: #1 triangle is labeled factory; #2 triangle is labeled customer and the third triangle is labeled politician. Notice the arrows? That’s right; they all seem to end up in the pockets of the politicians; funny how that happens. See this little box in the third triangle? It reads, ‘Payoffs to the Joint Chiefs and approved bureaucrats who grease the palms.’ What do you think?”
“I think I’m impressed that you just talked yourself out of any parties on ‘K’ Street, let alone any embassy ball.”
“No problem. I retired and quit drinking. Best decision of my life — well, second best. First was marrying my first wife, but she had other ideas about faithfulness. But then, I was wallowing in self-pity, afraid of the nightmares that I was having; PTSD, you know. Horrible experience, let me tell you. And I just noticed: you’re out of uniform. Can’t have that. I think I’ll demote you, make you a Major in charge of something.”
“I’m sorry to disappoint you, sir, but I’m out; got my separation papers and a couple of years later got my Honorable Discharge in the mail. I was shocked to know that they knew where I lived, that I’ll say.”
“Nonsense. What do you say we go to some Army/Navy store and get you squared away? My treat.”
“No way, sir; I’m not wearing any uniform, especially with that goofball Biden in charge, who isn’t really but everybody acts like he is.”
“That’s true, isn’t it? The Chinese act like he is. By the way, as a Major you are equal in rank to a Chinese student.”
“No, thanks: been there, done that. I never told my wife about the nightmares, of what I had to do to stay alive when I was ‘volunteered’ for a ‘humanitarian’ mission. You know why they do that, General?”
“Yes, of course, to keep it off the books, like it never happened. ‘Why, we never told him to fly to wherever and kill people.’ It was General Sherman who said, ‘War is hell,’ and he couldn’t have been more right.”
“Excuse us, General, while we pause for a short commercial break.”
“Miss You, The Happiest Days of Our Lives, Another Brick in the Wall” (8:17)
“And we’re back. The General wheeled his chalkboard on wheels out the door, said he had a presentation at the VFW. Joining us for this segment is our favorite interrupter of the Bible, Bishop Dunkin. We’ve known the Bishop since when he was just a lowly pastor and now look at you. Nice seeing you again.”
“And you, too, Roving. You wouldn’t believe how busy I’ve been, funeral after funeral; it never stops. So sad, all these young people keeling over like bowling pins. Jesus taught us to have good thoughts about our enemies, but I find myself on the verge of doing wrong when bad thoughts creep into my conscious thoughts, I must confess.”
“Bad thoughts?”
“The scriptures instruct us to help others, but I find it too hard to have any good thoughts about the people who are doing our country every possible harm.”
“Like who, for instance?”
“Oh, my gosh, Biden and every Dem for the last 15 years, ever since Barry Soetoro, aka Obama, came on the scene. But you know what?”
“No, what?”
“Besides turncoats such as Chuck Schumer, it’s the RINOs who are the really bad guys, people who take the public’s trust, such as Representative Ralph Norman from South Carolina only to be a shill for the Deep State. You know what he said the other day? He said Nikki Haley would be a good VP. He ought to read the Constitution for once in his life; maybe he’ll understand the ‘natural born citizen’ clause.”
“Any advice?”
“If I told you how many funerals I have to attend every week, you wouldn’t believe me, and I’m not counting the deaths by accident or old age, I’m talking about very young people, even babies, dying from heart attacks. The coroners are pulling out long strands of a fibrous material from their blood vessels, even from little kids. My advice? Stay away from the ‘Clot Shot’ and any COVID-19 booster nonsense. Look, the so-called ‘pandemic’ (think flu season) was just a sorry excuse to allow for mail-in ballots to make it easier to cheat and steal the 2020 presidential election through mail-in ballots or thousands of ballots trucked-in from New York to Pennsylvania.”
“I must admit, Bishop Dunkin, that I had some pretty bad thoughts, like maybe I’m ‘The Invisible Man’ or maybe even ‘Superman’ for a day and go visit some of the crooks in the ‘Beltway.’”
“Yes, son, I know only too well the feeling that those who took the Oath to our Constitution had fingers crossed, and may their last thoughts be of living a wasted life full of regret when they could’ve lived a righteous life and died with a smile upon their face. Truth of the matter is that even the worst of us — you know, the judges and the so-called ‘correction officers’ of the Jan. Sixers — have a chance, a slim one, to be sure, but still a chance to make it to Heaven, but I wouldn’t bet on it, although, as they say, there’s always hope.”
“What about me; am I forgiven?”
“Not a chance, kid, but don’t make it any worse.”
“Thanks a lot, and so, on behalf of our most favorite clergy, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Good show. So, you really think I’ve no hope, that I’m a lost cause? Just don’t make it any worse. Okay, I can do that, and I’ll start by stating if my first wife didn’t commit adultery I never would have left. Does that count? Good; then I still have a chance to go through the ‘Pearly Gates. Burger time: my treat.”
“Glory Train” (2:42)
Roving Reporter
Well done!