by Roving Reporter, ©2022

(Nov. 20, 2022) — WARNING: Due to adult content, people who suffer under VAX and MASK mandates, believe in ‘election-deniers,’ ‘impending climate catastrophe’ and ‘Jan. 6 Insurrectionists’ are not allowed to participate in ‘Word Substitution Game’ because of the possibility that the truth may hurt them irrevocably. This warning is not made as an advertising gimmick: it is so real that a Dem may become comatose and may even consider facts over feeling; may come to realize that the political party of JFK died when he did; may reach the conclusion that Islam is neither a religion nor peaceful; that ‘Deep State’ is another word for Totalitarianism; and that the United States military does not follow the Constitution, as per the trial of LTC Terry Lakin in 2010 for the audacity of questioning Barry Soetoro’s (aka Obama) eligibility to be president.

The Name Game” (3:01)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Back with us in the studio is Professor Zorkophsky, but before we get to our featured guest, I would like to make a comment about people who are, for want of a better word, ‘insufferable.’ We all know who they are; they are the ones who say, ‘A whale is not a fish’ after you say that the book Moby Dick is a ‘big fish story.’

“They are the ones who believe in the hogwash that the Biden administration pushes, along with the Federal Reserve, that our inflation isn’t caused by ineptitude but by the previous administration’s policies of energy independence. And now to our guest; welcome aboard.’

“Thank you, Roving, so nice of you to invite me so I can hawk my new board game which, I envision, will surpass Monopoly as being the world’s best-selling board game.”

“Really, now, that popular?”

“I think so.”

“This I’d like to see. Did you bring one with you?”

“Not quite.”

“What does ‘not quite’ mean?”

“It means that I’m searching for a manufacturer, is what it means. Oh, I know, I could go to China like all the other greedy Americans, but I’m not greedy. Maybe Nashville, the ground-zero of printers.”

“Okay, I’ll buy that, so could you tell us the basic intent of the game: I mean, what’s the draw?”

“Fun is the draw, and learning. For instance, whenever you see the word ‘MAGA’ you’re supposed to substitute the word Constitution.’

“And if you don’t?”

“You lose points is what happens. Let’s say the question is: ‘Substitute a word for “Trump”’ and you would answer ‘Constitution’; see?”

“I think so. So, if the question is, ‘Replace Biden with one word,’ I would answer, ‘inept,’ right?”

“Half-right. You’d get half credit. The correct word is ‘traitor’ and that’ll get you ten points. The player who reaches 100 points wins the game.”

“That sounds pretty easy. So, whenever I see the name Liz Cheney I would substitute the word ‘vomit’; is that right?”

“Yes, that’s correct but had you said, ‘despicable vomiting traitor’ you would’ve earned bonus points.”

“Great. I like this game. What about ‘Mitch McConnell?’

“Now he’s a whole slew’s worth: ‘Chinese puppet; RINO; election-denier; patsy; traitor; stayed-too-long; feeble; inept; despicable; sad; hate-filled old geezer’; why, you could almost win the game with just one name.”

“Is there any name that could win the game?”

“Hillary is one, Supreme Court Justice Jackson is another for her inability to define what a woman is.”

“Yes, that makes sense. The Joint Chiefs of Staff?’”

“Yes, the list is never-ending. Let’s say you draw ‘Hitler,’ another potential 100-pointer.”

“So, it’s a card game?”

“You draw a card with a word and it’s your responsibility to describe the word accurately. You draw the word ‘Trump’ and you answer ‘Constitution’; you draw ‘Pelosi’ and you answer ‘anti-Constitution.’ Maybe you draw ‘NFL’ so you answer, ‘Don’t support a business that doesn’t reflect my values such as standing for the National Anthem while honoring our flag’: 75 points.”

“When do you think it’ll be on the shelves? In time for Christmas?”

“I sure hope so. There’s a lot of questions about the Bible, ‘Golden Rule’ sort of stuff. Very educational and entertaining at the same time.”

“Could you describe the game in one word?”

“Yes, matter of fact I can: ‘honesty.’

“Thank you for being on the show today and we wish you the best of luck on you new board game. Hope it does well and so, this is your Roving Reporter on behalf of Zork – mind if I call you ‘Zork’? – wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show; neat game. Burger time: my treat.”

It’s All in the Game” (2:39)

Roving Reporter

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