by Roving Reporter, ©2021
(Dec. 14, 2021) — “You Are My Special Angel” (3:04)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. To start, I would like to give a shout-out to the Chief for filling in for me while I got my well-deserved rest. Our first guest today is a soldier who served a couple of tours in Afghanistan and just got out.”
“And glad I did.”
“I bet. Well, you are one of the lucky ones, having returned with your limbs intact. So, a couple of tours means you were, what, thinking about making the Army a career?”
“That is true but after they ordered us to take The Jab I flew the coop.”
“They give you a General or did you get an Honorable Discharge?”
“I was one of the lucky ones and it just so happened that my enlistment was up anyway, but jab or no jab I would have left. I mean, Biden or Harris as my Commander-in-Chief? Give me a break.”
“So what do you think of your country? I mean, you’ve been out of it for a while.”
“Don’t get me wrong and I want to be polite, but this is no-man’s land; this isn’t a country; this is the Wild West. See this? And this? These are for personal protection from the invaders. You carry?”
“Every employee of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot, must carry; it’s a requirement of the editor, but we would anyway.”
“Good. Remember that guy who ran for president back in 2012? In order to get into one of his rallies, you had to show your gun. I went with my father to one of them and brought my BB gun; my father brought his 12-gauge.”
“What are your plans?”
“Thanks to Biden there’s no jobs, or if there are any, the Chamber of Commerce has it set up so employers only hire illegals and pay them under the table to avoid Workman’s Comp fees.”
“What did you do in the Army?”
“I was a Disbursing Officer so I know that every dollar that the government prints makes the dollar you’re holding worth less.”
“Any hope?”
“Get rid of Biden-Harris, the Dems and the RINOs. As long as you have idiots who have no grasp of how the economy works, we’re going to creep closer and closer to a Venezuelan economy.”
“Where they eat dogs.”
“Dogs are scarce, as are cats and squirrels.”
“No zoos because they ate all the animals.”
“A scene from ‘The Freshman.’”
“Thanks for being on the show. We’ll be right back after this short break.”
“Itsy Bitsy Yellow Polka Dot Bikini” (1:31)
“And we’re back with Jeff Henderson, a government sneak. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most- watched information show in its time slot.”
“Excuse me, Roving, but my official title is a ‘Licensed Investigator for the Application of Reality,’ or ‘LIAR.’ I am the head of the Midwest Division, I’m proud to say.”
“It’s good to be proud of what you do, but let me ask you this: doesn’t the word ‘liar’ have a certain meaning, like maybe not so good, as in ‘distrustful?’”
“Are you kidding? If anyone believes anything that comes out of the White House these days, they deserve what they get, with no surprises. Look, people are, basically, really stupid, and all we do is exploit their stupidity. Here, I’ll give you an example: Hillary. Want more?”
“Okay.”
“Mandate and herd immunity; most honest election ever and insurrection; peaceful and misunderstood.”
“Which government department takes the cake?”
“It’s a tie between State* and the Department of Homeland Security; each supports open borders with equal fervor.”
“What do you actually do for the government?”
“Like all good bureaucrats, as little as possible. We spy on our fellow citizens and turn their names over to the FBI, like attendees of PTA and School Board meetings and all who troll the Internet for truths.”
“That sounds like you violate people’s Constitutional rights.”
“So? We sure as heck violated everyone’s rights when we pulled off the election fraud. Look, I would like to say that your first guest, they guy who pulled out his guns, has the right idea. Did you know that illegals kill at least five American citizens a day and with more and more illegals crossing every day, that number will just go up? Will it get to six per day? And when it reaches ten per day will anyone pay attention? I doubt it, but will they take notice when it reaches 100 per day? Who knows?”
“Wait a minute; you say one thing but then say another. Which side are you on, anyway?”
“I’m on the side of not willing to risk getting ‘T’-boned by a drunk, that’s what. You know, the macho culture supports driving drunk; it’s a macho thing.”
“That’s nice and we’ve just run out of time and so, on behalf of Jeff, this is your Roving Reporter (RR) wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*State: The Department of State, a government entity that has been wrong 99.9% of the time.]
[Little People report: On standby; communication blackout.]
“It’s Christmas Time” (2:25)