by Roving Reporter, ©2021

(Nov. 19, 2021) — [Note: It has been surmised, actually for quite some time, that ‘Pulse’ has more than one contributor, even the editor of The P&E, Sharon Rondeau, along with Professor ‘Trash the masks’ Zorkophsky, OPOVV, Madam Shylock, Professor Wert, Chief New Leaf and a slew of others. Not true, as far as the editor of The P&E goes. We take great pride in the accuracy of our reporting and stand by just about everything that has been reported under the banner of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.]

It’s A Jungle Out There”(1:03)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. To start, we will continue to call the election fraud protest of January 6 just what it was: citizens conducting a peaceful protest and not the DOJ‘s fabricated so-called insurrection. We Patriots, who are not intimated by NAZI tactics, will not forget the illegal arrests by the GESTAPO — formally known as the FBI, of some of the participants that they threw into the cellars of the Bastille.

‘Why do I reference the Bastille? Simply due to inhumane conditions, that’s why. You see, I take what Marjorie Taylor Greene says as gospel: those political prisoners are being treated worse than the Muslim murderers they have locked up down in GITMO.

“So who, really, is the enemy? Is it Nancy Pelosi or the government employees who blindly follow orders? Is it the Goons who raided Tina Peters, a Gold Star mom, in Colorado? Yes, because even though Nancy Pelosi is responsible, the Goons are no less responsible, which is what the Nuremberg Trials were all about: DO NOT FOLLOW ILLEGAL ORDERS.

“What do you say we give Madam Shylock a call? Hello, Madam Shylock? Yes, the check is in the mail. Honest. Just wondering, would you be willing to give a curse on all the government goons — GESTAPO, from DA’s to the cops who are willing to follow illegal orders?”

“I hear you, Roving; consider it’s in the works.”

“Thank you. Let’s take a commercial break.”

Bad to Me” (2:18)

“And we’re back with Paul, a COVID survivor. Glad you could make it, Paul.”

“Me, too.”

“So, how about telling us about it, like, how did it start?”

“It started in my back, I mean, my spine hurting, or aching from top to bottom. It hurt so bad that lying on the floor was more comfortable than the bed. And then I couldn’t keep anything down, not even water.”

“How long did that last?”

“Couple of days. When I finally could take my temperature, it was 103, and I still couldn’t keep anything down. I was dying and I knew it.”

“Well, what did you do about it?”

“Nothing; what could I do? Heck, if you go to the hospital they try and kill you. They give you The Jab and that’s not for me. Anyway, I started dry-heaving, and if that wasn’t bad enough, I started to have trouble breathing, I mean, it got to the point where I had to think breathing: breathe in, breathe out; breathe in; breathe out, which isn’t as easy as it sounds because I wasn’t taking in as much oxygen as usual, which resulted in one heck of a headache.”

“So you were dehydrated with an aching back, high temperature with a heck of a headache and couldn’t breathe. Then what?”

“And then I resigned myself to die, is what.”

“Really?”

“Really, and it was quite easy. You see, I already apologized to a person who I wronged years ago; besides, it wasn’t as if I was committing suicide so I felt I would have a fifty-fifty chance of seeing my emotional support dog who died some years ago. I mean, maybe I was going to heaven after all, you know what I mean?”

“Yes, I think I do. So, you made your amends; is that what you’re saying?”

“Yep, nothing was left on the burner, so to speak. And once I accepted death, I got better, although it took a month before I was breathing normally. I’d like to say one more thing, if I may.”

“Go ahead.”

“I think the only reason I didn’t die was because I quit smoking and drinking and doing drugs – marijuana – twenty years ago. I mean, it was really hard to breathe, for real, and that’s when I thought: if I hadn’t quit smoking I’d be dead. Make no mistake about it, it wasn’t any picnic.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t. A temperature of 103 is scary enough without all the other complications. So, how long were you sick?”

“Two days really bad, and then a couple more of not breathing, so it lasted about a week, and then, like I said, another month before I was breathing normally, which is why the lawn is full of leaves. I’ll have to rake them tomorrow. You know, a leaf left is a spot of no grass come spring, so if you don’t rake, all you’ll end up with is a lawn full of dust or mud.”

“Yes, well, we’re certainly glad you’re back with us. A successful recovery from the real McCoy: COVID-19. And will you look at the time? I just did and it’s time for me to wish all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[Little People report: There is no news, but they’re preparing for something.]

If We Never Meet Again” (2:06)

Roving Reporter

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  1. That’s amazing! That someone could get that sick with covid, how different bodies react differently. My family never got anywhere near that bad, but of course, we’re health nuts (low sugar diets mainly).