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by Chief New Leaf, ©2020

City of Minneapolis.  Image credit: By Arkyan – My own work, based on public domain information. Based on similar map concepts by Ixnayonthetimmay, CC BY-SA 2.5, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=2933501

(Jul. 23, 2020) — Commercial prior to the introduction:

Traditional Crow Song” (1:39)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. This episode of ‘Pulse’ was the brainchild of our editor, who scheduled this circus expecting Roving to be the scapegoat. Depending how one looks at it, I am to be the oracle for the coming barbs due to unforeseen circumstances. This is what is known as a Press Conference, where the reporters from competing news organizations ask how a shoestring television station can be so successful. I want to thank Rook Dunkin for allowing us to use his church to be the stage for this event. First question: yes, you with the scarf.”

“Why do you always carry a rifle with you? Is it a real gun and what caliper is it if it’s real?”

“I guess I didn’t make myself clear that the questions were to be on subject, which is the success of ‘Pulse.’ Now, as far as my rifle goes, it’s a .30-30 Winchester. Next question, please.”

“How many miles a year do you put on your RV?”

“I guess the secrets of ‘Pulse’s’ success will forever be a mystery. I put around 22,000 miles on the RV and half that on the compact that I tow. You there in the back.”

“Thank you, Chief. Do you cook all of your meals or do you go to restaurants?”

“I cook all of my meals and highly recommend Mary and Vincent Price’s cookbook, A Treasury of Great Recipes. Now does anyone have any questions about the television station? No? Then I declare this embarrassment at an end.”

“Don’t feel bad, Chief, it happens.”

“Well, Rook Dunkin, it doesn’t make it any easier. I personally don’t see how Trump makes it through even one of those, and he does it so doggone often. While I compose myself, let’s break for a commercial, shall we?”

Touch the Sweet Earth” (3:20)

“Okay, we’re back with Rook Dunkin who is going to share next week’s sermon with us, isn’t that right?”

“What? Oh, yes, at least I’ve some thoughts on the subject.”

“Oh, good; then how about sharing some of them with us?”

“This week I’m going to talk about what a beautiful document our Constitution is, that is, if people are halfway honest, which they were, until the usurper, Barry Soetoro, aka Obama*, snuck in, thanks mainly to Nancy Pelosi.”

“I think we choose to believe it.”

“I also tell the story of the song of Amazing Grace(3:02) to make the point that it doesn’t make any difference how Einstein arrived at E=MC2, only that he did; that maybe Jonas Salk may not have been a perfect human being, yet we gladly stand in line for the polio vaccine that he invented; that maybe Vincent van Gogh may have been a little nuts, but we still admire his works of art; that Elvis wasn’t a faithful husband, but we enjoy his song Can’t Help Falling in Love(3:00); and that Thomas Jefferson was a slave owner, but we admire our Constitution. Maybe the receptionist at your broker cheats on her husband, but that doesn’t have anything to do with your stock’s performance; it is a chance that your dentist cheats on his taxes, but that doesn’t deter you from getting a crown; and perhaps your mechanic drinks a little too much, but he treats your car as if it were his own.”

“I think we get the point.”

“Oh, I know you get the point, Chief, but how many of our precious statues have been destroyed by ignorance? One is too many, if you ask me. It is with great probability that the things we use every day were either invented, or the raw materials were mined, or the worker on the assembly line were all made possible by flawed human beings in some way or other.”

“So ‘He who is without sin cast the first stone’ is, in all likelihood, a truth?”

“Jesus was the only one to be without sin, and look what they did to him. He lived a life without temptation, greed or envy, and yet they nailed him to the cross, so what right does anyone have to topple a statue of Robert E. Lee riding his horse, Traveler?”

“Offhand, I have to say none.”

“That is quite correct, Chief; nobody has the right to destroy through just plain meanness and stupidity. And yet so many do it, which means that so many have turned away from the teachings of what is right vs. what is just plain wrong.”

“Yes, those policemen who murdered George Floyd will spend many years locked up in a cage, maybe never to take a free breath again; isn’t that right, Rook Dunkin?”

“That’s right, Chief. Was it worth it? No, of course not; not even close. So what is the connection of stupid people having anything to do with the rest of us? Is whatever those Minneapolis policemen had, well, I wonder if it’s catching.”

“Why, what do you think they had, some kind of virus or disease?”

“Yes, I do: the virus was ignorance and the disease stupidity and put the two together you get the Hitler Youth; the Brown Shirts; the mob destroying anything and everyone in their way; the mob filled with hate and blood lust, as if they were indistinguishable from the gang of The Lord of the Flies.’ The mob in our cities can only thrive where the citizens have become weaponless.”

“So one policeman could’ve stopped the riots in Minneapolis on the first night?”

“Make that one combat-experienced Veteran could have nipped it in the bud: no looting, no burning, no killings: just one resolute authority figure willing to do whatever it takes to win the battle of wills.”

“What kind of battle is that, ‘battle of wills?’”

“In short, it is the battle for freedom. I could go on and do an in-depth discourse on the intrusion of Chinese and Islamic influences on Western Civilization, but I’ll leave that up to Professor Zorkophsky. But I’d like to make one more point, if I may, Chief.”

“Go for it.”

“Thank you. The question is: do the ends justify the means? It’s a philosophical question that I’ve asked myself many times, and I’m still perplexed at whatever conclusion one can derive at such a dilemma.”

“This time in English, please.”

“Okay; there are tunnels in the mountains in Europe that were built by slave labor during World War II. Some of them cost many lives per foot. Maybe you’re in Austria and want to drive to Switzerland; do you drive through one of those tunnels? Not me, I’m sorry. I would go another way or not go at all. In all seriousness, I would dynamite each and every tunnel that was built upon the lives of slave labor, but that’s not the same subject as what we were discussing.”

“In what way?”

“I would say that on the surface they are similar arguments, but they’re not. One is an intellectual exercise, like the Constitution, where the other, the tunnel, is a physical one that we can experience firsthand. It’s like blaming the clock if you’re late, okay?”

“Got it, because I see we’re out of time anyway and so, as Roving would say, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. I’ve Roving’s credit card; burger time: my treat.”


Butterflies” (3:09)

Chief New Leaf

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