“HE JUST GETS MORE DONE”
by OPOVV, ©2020
(May 10, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another exciting episode of ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. I must say, we at the ‘Pulse’ are getting a little bit tired of being blamed for why many of you don’t get us on TV. If you’ve been following us, you’d know that the satellite providers expect us to put on this show for free. Sorry, besides the burgers after every show, we have certain expenses that can’t be ignored nor postponed, speaking of which, let’s answer one of those annoying letters:
Dear Roving;
You got some attitude. I watched you the other day on your corner and I heard you ask people if they were a Democrat or not. Well, I heard you say to a young lady — who said she was — ‘to take a hike.’ That was very rude and I expect you to offer an apology.
From a Concerned Citizen
__________________
Dear Misplaced;
I won’t be able to sleep for a week because, well, just because.
Roving
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And that’ll do it. What do you say we get to work after the break?”
“Just Because” (2:33)
“Roving, I could write a book about you.”
“What, can’t wait for a proper introduction? Let me present Professor Zorkophsky, the seller of books and the writer of screenplays. So you could write a book about me? And what Dewey Decimal number would I be?”
“You wouldn’t: you’d be in ‘fiction.’”
“What for?”
“For everything. Look, I actually met some of your characters, Chief New Leaf and Madam Shylock, but all I’ve ever seen of Henry is Madam Shylock feeding a frog some flies off of a strip of flypaper.”
“So? Henry likes flies; most frogs do. Which reminds me: can we expect a sequel to ‘The Dandelion War’?”
“Soon. It’s really a lot of fun, being on the set while they shoot a movie. I heard one of the actors ask the director a question about ‘motivation’ and you know what the director answered? He said your motivation ‘is to pay the rent’; how about that? So, to answer your question, yes, a sequel is in the works.”
“Before we get into your latest theory about time, what do you have to show us that may interest our viewers?”
“I have what I describe as a ‘Squander Factor Meter,’ which is just a fancy way of saying the word ‘negative,’ as in wasted energy due to many factors, starting with cross-ventilation and victory gardens. Do you have any idea how much food can be grown in just 800 cubic feet, the size of a balcony? With the advancement of hydroponics there should be no shortages of any food, ever.”
“But will the human race ever curtail populating like rats, gerbils and other varmints?”
“It’s possible, and for proof just look at Northern Ireland where the Protestants would have one or two kids, whereas the Catholics many more, hence one class had the funds to educate their children at the best schools while others were fortunate to graduate from secondary school, ergo: parents who cared about providing advantages for their offspring had fewer. It’s as simple as that.”
“Makes sense. So what’s this about time; you write another bestselling textbook?”
“Yes; it’s called ‘You Got the Time?’ For $19.95 I’ll give you one.”
“You’re a funny guy, Professor Zorkophsky.”
“Please, Roving, call me ‘Zork’ while we’re in my most comfortable office.”
“So tell us about your new concept of time, if you would. How did you come up with your new idea in the first place?”
“Trump was the reason. You see, 24 Trump hours are more or less double (or more) of our hours.”
“How do you figure that?”
“Because Trump gets more done in a day then anyone else does, that’s why.”
“That’s good; I mean, he works for America; he’s working for us.”
“And you’re not just Whistling Dixie (0:59), Roving. Just think where our country and the rest of the world would be if there weren’t any of the Russian Collusion Hoax? So I came up with the theory that President Trump is way ahead of the rest of us. Another way of looking at it is to say that Trump is the Alpha Male of all of us; I mean, he’s the leader, right? Maybe he wasn’t always and will not always be, but for now it would be wise for all Americans to support his vision of ‘Make America Great Again’ if we are to have a snowball’s chance of keeping our Constitution as the law of a land (that is no longer ours – really, now — because we’re sharing it these days with a lot of people who, let’s be honest, don’t like us).”
“Who would that be?”
“Besides the obvious, those Americans who, for some inexplicable reason, want our Constitution trashed, our country to fail, and people who side on the side of freedom censored.”
“Now why would they want that?”
“Selfish people; ‘little’ people; people with inflated egos who think they have a clue but don’t; people forever left behind; the followers; the reactionaries; the ‘always to laugh at the joke last’; ‘always to clap last’; and those who miss the deadline, although they had a heads-up the same as the rest. People like Adam Schiff who carry the water for the head crooks and behind-the-scene bosses; those who benefit directly – direct deposit – instead of thinking they belong to a cause, which they don’t, because whatever cause they think they belong to has left them standing at the station holding an empty bag filled to the brim with unfulfilled dreams and empty expectations based on a promise that itself was based on a lie.”
“Golly.”
“You said it. So I designed a watch that keeps two separate times at the same time: Trump Time and the rest of us time.”
“What the heck is ‘rest of us time?’”
“Like ‘living the life of Riley,’ meaning while Trump is getting things done, the Democrats are working against him getting things done.”
“This is getting confusing.”
“No it’s not. Picture Pelosi not tearing up the State of the Union Speech.”
“Impossible.”
“And that’s my point. The lines are drawn: it is not a question anymore; it’s an imperative: for or against; stand up and fight or run; act responsibly or don’t act at all. Look, it’s very simple: Trump is tantamount for the Constitution, and that’s all there is to it. There’s nothing more; it’s not hocus-pocus; and it’s not a mystery.”
“Tell us more about the watch and clock; like, how do they work?”
“They have four hands, two of which spin around twice the speed of regular time. Two of the hands keep regular time, as in 24 hours in a day, while Trump Time will read 48 or more hours in a day, see?”
“Oh, so a day remains a day?”
“Why, of course it does: what do you think: Trump somehow mysteriously gets two or more sunrises than the rest of us? No, he just gets more done, is all.”
“Golly.”
“And that’s the bottom line: Trump stands for America and for her Constitution, while the Deep State stands for the abolishing of all that was gained in the past 10,000 years of human history.”
“I’m voting for Trump.”
“So am I.”
“And that’ll do it for us and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Here’s a $20 for the watch; make one heck of a conversation piece. Burger time: my treat.”
“Good Timn’” (2:10)