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by OPOVV, ©2016

(Jul. 7, 2016) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘Pulse of the Nation.’ I’m Chief New Leaf, and I’ll be your host this evening. Mr. Roving is in the San Diego area trying to work up enough nerve to see someone. As you can see, we’re back on the corner about to interview people just like you about their concerns of the day.

“Excuse me, sir, got time to answer a question for us?”

“Sure do, Chief. Been watching ‘Pulse’ ever since it came on the air. And you’re Chief New Leaf. How, I’m Sam; pleased to meet you. Okay, then, what’s the question of the day?”

“Did you happen to catch the FBI Director’s stint on television this morning, July 7?”

“Yes, I did, matter of fact. Thursday is my barbershop day. I always go Thursday mornings because nobody else does, so Jerry – that’s my barber – and I can discuss politics. Can’t do that with customers around; why, who knows if a fight might break out? No politics allowed. He’s even got a sign: ‘NO TALKING POLITICS.’ So we got to watch it all on the television set. He just got a new TV; a big flat-screen one; has it mounted on the back wall.”

“Well, what did you think?”

“Besides a waste of time? Not much, except to say that the difference between ‘incompetence,’ ‘carelessness,’ and ‘sloppiness’ is all the same thing: in other words, synonyms.”

“That’s right. What did you think when he was asked if he would give someone a security clearance if someone had a track record with email security like Hillary?”

“Well, that’s when he caved, wasn’t it? Once again he could’ve stood tall but all he managed to do was to show what a political low-life he is. It’s all to protect Obama — about the BIRTH CERTIFICATE – and Hillary. I must say, that guy from Florida, Mica? I was impressed, and I don’t say that lightly.”

“How do you mean? In what way?”

“Spunk, Mica’s got spunk. Listen: if Trump wins I think that he’d name Chris Christie as a Special Prosecutor and sic him on the both of them to get at the truth about Obama’s records and to go after Hillary for her lying about everything. Get Obama for fraud and Hillary for perjury. That’s why the Democrats are so unglued: they’re afraid to have Obama exposed. Me? I think it’s about time that the truth saw the light of day in Washington, don’t you?”

“One would think everybody would want that, but we’d be wrong, wouldn’t we?”

“Crazy place – Washington — where people are afraid of the truth. Look, I’m sorry, but I to have to run. Goodbye.”

“Hey, thanks for talking with us. And this young lady is next in line. Hello, where are you off to today?”

“I’m on my way to City Hall to express my concern about these hooligans trashing my ‘TRUMP’ signs. They mess up my flowerbeds and, just last night, they threw a brick at my front door. The next person who sets foot on my lawn to trash my sign is going to get a load of buckshot, is all I can say.”

“I admire your spunk, young lady, but you really might do some real harm and end up in jail. Let me tell you a story, a real story, about what a neighbor of mine did.

“First of all, Dan is big on Christmas lights, and that’s putting it mildly. For some strange reason – maybe because he’s a hunter, who knows? – he likes these plastic Christmas deer; you know, Rudolf and all the others who pull Santa’s sleigh.

It started with one deer and his one sleigh in his front yard. That was the year of 9-11. He said he’d fight ‘em in his own terms, with Christmas deer, believe it or not.

“So for the past 15 years he’s been adding deer to his display. At first he would buy a deer a year. And he’d name them, too. Write their names on the side with glue and sprinkle some silver sequins on it, on their sides:  big letters that you could read from the street.

“After around the 5th year he decided to buy his deer after the holidays; 2-for-1 sales. Last couple of years – even since Obama – they became even bigger sales: 4 for 1. So last year he decided to put all of the deer on his roof because some of the neighbors complained that he had just too many deer and he was afraid maybe some of them would go missing, see? He also put lights inside the deer, so you could see them up there on the roof and read their names. Last count was he’s got somewhere around 40 of them, imagine that.

“Anyway, what I’m telling you is that he had an outside socket installed by a professional electrician, all according to code, mind you, because the city was starting to give him a hard time about all the deer on his roof. So here he has this GFCI socket on the side of his house and he was having people trash his ‘TRUMP’ signs, too. So what he did was to hot-wire the metal part of the sign. He’s got a switch, right at the front door, next to the living-room switch, that operates that outside socket. Turns it on before he goes to bed and off when he wakes up. He’s got it so it delivers a shock, not enough to electrocute someone, but it makes them yelp. Ought to know; Dan lives just across the street.

“Forget the shotgun. Zap ‘em. Go to a place that sells electric fences for livestock; say you have a problem with pigs.”

“Gee, thanks, I’ll do just that.”

“And that’s our show for tonight. Thank you for watching and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all good night: Goodnight.”

“Great show. That story about my neighbor and all his deer is a true story. Too bad about that FBI Director, Comey; he had yet another chance to stand tall, to stand as a man, a Patriot; and all he did was to bite the dust, again. Burger time. My treat.”

Semper Fi


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