by Pastor Dunkin, ©2026
(Mar. 20, 2026) — “The divide between rational people and the ‘not quite’ rational people used to be small at a time when discussing and debating the issues was possible. Not so now. People hate Trump and MAGA supporters so much that they’d rather see our Republic fall into oblivion, become a ‘THIRD WORLD ISLAMIC CESSPOOL,’ before they would lift a finger to help their country. I know it’s irrational, but true.”
“Liszt – Hungarian Rhapsody #2” (1:59)
“And that’s my opening. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Professor Zorkophsky is our featured guest to help explain why half of America is off its rocker. Welcome aboard, Zork.”
“Glad to be here, and I wish I could explain what makes people go completely bananas, but I’m sorry, there’s no explanation why there’s so many infected with such utter downright hate.”
“No explanation?”
“I’ve tried, I really have. As you may know, I used to accept patients suffering from TDS until I realized something quite extraordinary that I kept to myself but, in good conscience, can no longer keep mum.”
“This ought to be good; tell us what you discovered.”
“Well, first let me say that you’re not going to believe me, at least not at first. I didn’t myself, but then I started to see the evidence of what was in the back of my mind from the very beginning: alien invasion.”
“That’s nothing new. We all know about Biden’s and Miss Cackle’s open border for four long years when millions of unvetted and unwanted lawbreakers crossed our borders. That’s not news.”
“No, you misunderstood me. I’m talking about ‘outer space’ alien invasion. What they do is take over people’s minds, make them babbling idiots.”
“Babbling idiots?”
“That’s right. Ever listen to Chuck Schumer or Mitch McConnell? Ever watch ‘The View?’ Ever watch or hear ‘FAKE NEWS?’ Every time you heard ‘Russian Collusion’ you were hearing it from a captured brain that is now inhabited by a creature from outer space.”
“For real?”
“Okay, maybe not all of them have been taken over by a real bona fide outer space alien; maybe there’s some out there that’s a homegrown nut, like Rob Reiner, RIP, or any number of Hollywood fools.”
“Interesting.”
“That’s putting it mildly. They’re all over, you know. Scary, and even worse is that they don’t even know they’ve lost their mind. They can’t help themselves, and that’s why I quit trying to cure anyone suffering from TDS: it can’t be done. It’s like trying to reason with a cat, or city hall, or a Dem. Can’t be done. Impossible. Waste of time.”
“So, what, you washed your hands of the crazy-infected Dems? Is that what you’re saying?”
“I said it, and you should, too. No more wasting time trying to reason with them; complete waste of time. Listen: they won’t listen because they can’t listen. It’s not their fault, poor souls; it’s just the way it is.”
“Where do you think these aliens came from?”
“Truthfully? I say from Europa.”
“You mean that moon near Jupiter? That moon?”
“They do it by tele-brain waves, you know. None of this flying saucer stuff.”
“I see.”
“And I see that you don’t believe me. You’re trying to be polite, to humor me. Don’t bother; just accept what I’ve told you at face value and you’ll be better off, trust me.”
“Well, Zork, you’ve given us a lot to think about, of this I assure you. Aliens inhabiting the minds of everyone infected with TDS.”
“Maybe not everyone.”
“Then how can you tell the difference?”
“That’s just it, you can’t. A stupid American suffering from self-induced TDS acts and thinks the same as a stupid American taken over by an alien creature from Europa.”
“I see. Well, if nothing else, that would explain in a large part why TDS can’t be cured. Okay, I think we all learned quite a bit about TDS, that’s for sure. This is Pastor Dunkin, along with Professor ‘Zork’ Zorkophsky, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Some show. Burger time: my treat.”
“(Such An) Easy Question” (2:20)
Pastor Dunkin