by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(May 4, 2025) —“Blue Flame” (3:15)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Never in the history of ‘Pulse’ have we created so much controversy. We all know that the Dems, those who suffer from TDS – ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ – and your regular ‘going-through-life-without-a-clue’ sad people, are, well, for want of a better word, stupid, but none of us had any idea how stupid they really are. I’m talking about the overwhelming response from the really stupids clamoring to be the real ‘qualified’ winner of the ‘America’s Most Stupidest Award.’
“The list of the crybabies is most impressive. We have Hillary followed by John Brennan, followed by Adam Schiff and Maxine Waters followed by Nancy Pelosi, Chuck Schumer, Richard Durbin and all the rest of them, one after the other begging to replace Jasmine Crockett as the stupidest person in America. I mean, you can’t make this stuff up. People volunteering to be called stupid, who’d have thunk it? To help sort it all out we asked Henry to give us a hand. Welcome back, Henry.”
“What a mess and, as you say, ‘who’d have thunk it?’ Here’s my plan; just hear me out before you say anything. I propose the following: have one ‘Most Stupidest,’ a 100 ‘Stupidists,’ a 1,000 ‘Really-Really Stupid,’ a million ‘Really Stupid,’ and the rest of the woke crowd just your plain ordinary ‘Stupid.’”
“I think I like it. So now we can just say every ‘woke’ person in Maine is stupid and let it go at that; nobody is left out, so nobody feels unnecessarily bad. All the woke people in the state of Maine are stupid, so there: I said it, and no one gets left out. Glory halleluiah and praise the Lord. Thank you, Henry, and thank you all for watching. Goodnight.
“Good show: short and sweet. What you got today? A tin of fresh flies? Followed by a three-inch-long caterpillar? Sounds good. I’m grabbing a burger. That’s right, hop your way into the break room.”
“Fly Me to the Moon” (2:28)
Roving Reporter
In response to why Kamala wasn’t named the stupidest, the reason is that she won the award last year, and if it weren’t for the rule of only winning once, she would’ve been the shoo-in.
Roving Reporter