by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Jan. 24, 2025) — “How Do You Do It” (2:08)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Late last night we received a rather cryptic communique from Henry stating that our planet was under attack. That’s how it ended so it looks like we’ll all learn what’s happening together. Why are you handing me the phone? Henry? Oh, okay. I’m not sure where Henry is, but he’s on the phone that we’ll patch in. Henry? How you hearing us?”
“Five-by-five, Roving. You’re not going to believe this, but Zyklon contacted me warning of an immediate attack.”
“What sort of an attack? Where and when?”
“It’s okay now, Roving; I just saved the world.”
“No way. When and how?”
“At 3:00 a.m. today, Eastern Time, Zyklon said that the earth was going to be attacked by aliens with bad intent, that they will scorch the earth. He thinks they got the idea when they saw all the fires in California.”
“Did he say where they were from?”
“He thinks Pluto for some strange reason. I don’t know why. But you’ll be interested on how I saved the world.”
“For sure; how’d you do it?”
“It was really a piece of cake. I sent photos of Lisa Murkowski, Liz Cheney, Kathy Hochul, Susan Collins, Katie Hobbs and Gretchen Whitmer and they turned back immediately.”
“No way.”
“It’s true, if I’m lyin’ I’m dyin’. I also informed them if they ever want to come in peace to contact the Alpha male and female of the human species, President Trump and First Lady Melania Trump.”
“Well, Henry, you did the right thing and so, on behalf of the rest of humanity, let me thank you for saving us.”
“You’re welcome, I’m sure.”
“Wow, what a show, eh? And that’s it. Pleasant dreams: Goodnight.
“Good show. I’m getting myself a Wagyu steak.”
“Worried Man Blues” (3:06)
Roving Reporting