by Roving Reporter, ©2025
(Jan. 21, 2025) — “Venus” (2:27)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Bishop Dunkin will be our featured guest for this episode of “Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. We understand that the promotion to ‘Arch’ may be in order.”
“Thank you for inviting me to be your featured guest on your most popular show. Let’s not count the chickens before the eggs hatch, Roving. Yes, I’ve heard my name has been thrown in the hat, so we’ll just have to wait and see.”
“What do you think the chances are you are becoming an ‘Archbishop?’”
“Pretty good, I think. Maybe even ‘very good.’”
“Why, that’s wonderful. Will your life change in any way, getting a promotion?”
“Not in the least. It’ll cost me: new hat and cloak and return-address stamps.”
“What’s the promotion after the ‘Arch?’”
“Cardinal.”
“Wow. Okay, now how about explaining this ‘pardon’ malarkey?”
“Gladly. Somewhere in the Bible it says a person can’t be pardoned before the fact. I mean, you can’t be pardoned for speeding if you don’t own a car; you can’t be pardoned for adultery if you don’t cheat; you can’t be pardoned for murder if you don’t murder; and you can’t be pardoned for treason if you never done a treasonous deed.”
“So, what are you saying?”
“I’m saying Liz Cheney can’t be pardoned until she receives a guilty verdict on a ‘specific charge,’ such as destroying evidence or not abiding by discovery rules, like withholding camera footage showing the innocence of the accused, withholding exculpatory evidence. In other words, you can’t blanket-pardon bad behavior if you don’t know what the behavior is.”
“Where in the Bible does it say those things?”
“Lots of places. Nowhere does it instruct the Jews to accept defeat; nowhere does Jesus say to be a victim. Truth is the power, truth that the way to salvation is to abide by the ‘Golden Rule.’ That’s it in a nutshell.”
“That’s great. We can see why you’ll soon be an Archbishop.”
“Thank you.”
“Will you still administer the little church down on Hawthorn Street?”
“For sure; it’s where I started, back in the day when I was just a lowly minister, bottom of the barrel in the hierarchy of the church.”
“Getting back to these ‘blanket pardons’…”
“Not legal, therefore not happening. Pardons cannot be issued if there was no guilty verdict. It’s like issuing a gold medal before the race was even run; like getting a ‘Pulitzer Prize’ without writing a sentence; like being awarded the ‘Medal of Honor’ without ever having served. Sorry, Biden’s so-called ‘pardons’ are worthless, about as valuable as a kilo of sand in the Sahara, about as meaningful of the phrase ‘trust me,’ and prized as a cracked bowling ball.”
“So, you’re saying Biden’s pardons are worthless?”
“I’m saying Biden’s pardons are meaningless, not worth the paper they’re written on.”
“So, no one is pardoned?”
“Only if they received a guilty verdict.”
“Well, Bishop Dunkin, we thank you for clarifying questions some of us may have had about Biden’s ‘pardons.’ And that’s all the time we have today. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Bishop Dunkin, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. I wonder if anyone is listening? Burger time: my treat.”
[FYI: A ‘Bishop’ Dunkin and a ‘Rook’ Dunkin are one and the same but different.]
“A Fool Such as I” (2:34)
Roving Reporter
Declared “not guilty” before any charges are made sounds schizophrenic.