by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Aug. 2, 2024) — “Apache Tears” (2:34)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest is an old friend, one who travels around in his RV, Chief New Leaf.”
“Wrong, Roving. Gas too much so just park in driveway. Use as ‘Man Cave’ to escape any possible reason to become upset with one of my cats and my wife, which is once a day. Let me speak.”
“That’s why you’re on. The floor is yours.”
“Thank you for floor. We Indians make treaties with government, but government never say changing rules without votes. This is not the land I grew up in. Oh, trees same, but less everything else. Less birds because giant wind monsters kill many birds every day. If they would stop the rotation of these wind-powered generators at night maybe we could live with them, but not turning all day and night. No way. Also, they kill whales and whales are mammals, just as we are.”
“Good point.”
“You people clear-cut whenever you get the chance. Big building? Clear-cut. Housing development? Clear-cut. Apartment-condos going up? Clear-cut. Single-family house being built? Clear-cut. Forget mining. Clear-cut for single family house? Very bad. At the bare-bones minimum, leave 15% untouched. Take advantage of the cardinal points and wind direction for cross-ventilation, which you do not do. You build without plan nor thought. You waste opportunity and resources beyond comprehension. Rest of world on scooters and you’re driving two-ton vehicles. You are destroying your habitat and for proof, just look at East Palestine, Ohio and Love Canal, New York. Your EPA is crooked as the Bureau of Land Management.”
“The Chief seems to be getting a little worked-up — little red in the face, so we’ll pause for a commercial break.”
“Romp in the Swamp” (3:00)
“And we’re back with Chief Leaf who was on a rant. Anything else to rant about?”
“Chief likes to rant. Want to see ‘Rant Dance?’ Here, help me move these chairs and table.”
“No, Chief, no dancing allowed in studio.”
“You make up new rule, same as lousy government.”
“So what? Forget dancing and answer me this question: who is the tribe going to vote for?”
“The fact that you’re asking shows that you have no respect for Indians, like showing no respect for other minorities. Some other minorities are indeed stupid, no doubt about it, so go ahead and ask them, but don’t ask us. The choice is as clear as day and night, as clear as right and wrong, and as clear as open border and no country and closed border and country. The choice is between a stupid idiot and one smart dude. If you have to ask someone if they’re stupid beyond belief vs. possessing the ability to reason, tell them to buy a MAGA hat, please. Does that answer your question?”
“I’d say. You watch the Olympics?”
“The fact that you’re asking shows that you have no respect, so I’ll just hit the trail and say fare thee well.”
“Alright, that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Goodnight.”
“Excuse me.”
“Who? Oh, I’m sorry, Bishop Dunkin would like to sign us off. Take it away.”
“Thank you, Roving.
“Dear Lord, apparently a lot of Americans don’t mind if men punch women in the face, like what just happened in Paris. It looks as if these same people watch ‘The View’ and MSNBC. It must be in Your infinite wisdom to make people stupid, but it is a wonder how this can be any help to the rest of us.
“It has become overwhelmingly obvious, even to the most jaded of us, that those in the Beltway want to continue to make the exotic car dealerships in the Washington, DC area the most successful on the planet by wanting Trump dead and Kamala having her hand out to China for her 30 pieces of silver and the Mullahs selling barrels of oil in change for guns.
“Please help us to make our election honest; at least do that much for us, please.
“In this we pray.
“Amen.”
“Thank you, Bishop. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Bishop Dunkin, wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.”
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
Roving Reporter with a Healthy dose of Sarcasm !