by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Mar. 28, 2024) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. A couple of weeks ago we received an invitation to attend a play written by Henry which will be performed on Madam Shylock’s front porch. The front lawn must have 60 chairs in neat rows, all occupied by invited guests. It is a warm spring night with a slight breeze without mosquitoes or sand fleas. The weather, in short, is pleasant. In the back of the last rows of chairs, on the closed street, is a hot dog stand with a popcorn machine. Let’s sit back and enjoy the show since Henry just hopped up on the porch railing.”
“Good evening, play-goers, and thank you for responding to my invitation. I see we have a packed house. The name of this play is ‘Face the Music.’ Yes, I wrote a musical, and we hope you will appreciate it as much as we’ll enjoy performing for you. At this time, I would like to introduce the actors. Will you please hop out? Yes, all the actors are frogs from the pond across the street and enthusiastic players. They don’t speak English but can croak with the music, which they’ll do, while I sing the words. I have been told that my mimicking abilities are excellent, so sit back and have a good time.”
The frogs exit the front porch. The porch lights go out except the one above Henry, who breaks out into song.
“Oh, What a Beautiful Morning” (2:31)
Henry takes a bow, at which point the whole audience stands and claps. Cheers are heard.
“Thank you for showing your appreciation.”
A frog hops onto the porch.
“Oh, look, it’s Mary Jane. I’m glad you’re doing fine; me, too.”
Henry breaks into song.
“So Fine” (2:22)
Mary Jane hops off, porch left.
“And there she goes. Nice girl. Used to work for one of the Fake News stations but got fired for being accused of being an ‘election denier,’ which she is. If there even is an election, Trump will win hands down.”
All the frogs that were introduced at the start hop onto the porch and form two lines facing the audience. All the porch lights go on but dim.
“Shenandoah” (4:22)
Again, the audience stands with applause. The frogs remain on the stage.
“Thank you for showing you appreciation. And now for our closing song while we enact the arrest of all the Fake News broadcasters who failed to apologize for lying to the public pushing the ‘Russian Collusion Hoax’ and all the other lies about Trump. And now we’re at the end of our play. Please appreciate the frog chorus; I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.”
“Goodnight My Love” (3:04)
The audience stands with enthusiastic applause and catcalls. A few of the frogs blush. Henry and the frogs exit porch left while the porch lights are turned off. Japanese lanterns light up the audience.
FINI
“Good evening, again. This is your Roving Reporter with the star of the show, Henry. Well, I must say, your singing abilities blew the audience away, me included. Quite a show. So, you want to arrest all the purveyors of lies about the election [“81 Million Votes, My A**” (3:13)], right?”
“Right as rain, Roving.”
“You want the Jan. Sixers pardoned [“Justice for All” (2:24)]?”
“Yes, to be replaced by their jailers.”
“Judges, too.”
“Especially the judges.”
“I like it.”
“I knew you would. Your audience is just as in tune as the audience that watches RAV TV. By the way, in case you didn’t know, that’s when all the frogs converted to Judaism. It’s a fact; it’s in the Bible, the part about, ‘Let my people go.’”
“You mean, ‘The plague of frogs’ was when the frogs became Jewish? What were they before then?”
“Crocodisms. The frogs worshiped crocodiles, believe it or not. They thought if they worshiped crocodiles then the little crocs wouldn’t eat them. Nice try, but it didn’t work. Later we converted to Christianity, but we started as Jews.”
“Yes, I see your point.”
“We frogs support Israel all the way. Do you have any idea how many frogs there are in the world? We all proudly stand with Israel. And I would hope that would be the sentiment of all Christians, but not with Biden and his totally corrupt regime, controlled by the evil Obama; no doubt about it. I hope Trump at least names me as the Chief Deporter of Muslims and illegals.”
“We hope so, too. And that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. Enjoyed the play, by the way. I didn’t know you could sing like that; really enjoyed it. This is your Roving Reporter, along with Henry, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Fresh worms for Henry, burger for me.”