by Roving Reporter, ©2024
(Mar. 15, 2024) — “If I Had Money” (6:46)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest is Professor Wert, the preeminent writer of children’s books. Welcome back to ‘Pulse,’ Professor Wert, to hawk your latest book about the stars, is that right?”
“Thank you, Roving, for having me on your popular show. And, yes, in a way it’s a book about the stars, but it’s more of a right-and-wrong story.”
“A moral tale, a right-and-wrong story about the stars? How do you do that?”
“I say it’s about time to face the facts of life. Everything in our world has a beginning and an end. All those who were living in the time of Jesus are long gone; those who built the pyramids of Egypt have expired; and those who erected the stone pillars at Gobeklitepe have turned to dust.”
“People have an end.”
“That they do. People are born and then they die. Some die younger than others, just as stars do. Some stars burn themselves up before you know it while others last a long time. Some stars, when they die, go out with a bang while others fade away. Now get this: even the stars that fade away have an end. Everything has an end: Black Holes, Neutron stars and even Graviton stars.”
“Graviton stars?”
“Where a tablespoon would weigh as much as the earth.”
“No way.”
“Think about the atom. You have the nucleus (made up of neutrons and protons) with electrons whizzing around it, just as we whiz around the sun at 67,000 mph. Our solar system is a good example of how the atom is put together. Think of the sun as the nucleus and the planets as electrons and tell me what you see.”
“I see a lot of empty space between them all.”
“And that’s right. Not only is there a lot of space between the electrons and the nucleus, but there’s empty space between the protons and the neutrons in the nucleus.”
“Seems like a lot of empty space.”
‘That’s right. Now here’s the deal: the atoms in our bodies will, at some time in the future, change into something else not recognized as human.”
“What will we look like?”
“Maybe you’ll be part of an exploding star, or a White or Brown Dwarf which is a collapsed star.”
“How much time do I have before I become part of one of those?”
“Quite a few billions of years from now.”
“So, I shouldn’t worry about it, right?”
“I wouldn’t. But here’s the point: nobody can go back in time and change who their parents are, or grandparents were. You were born into a family not of your choosing. I could’ve been born into a tribe living in Papua New Guinea; same for you. We could’ve been headhunters in the Amazon, or Anthropology students at FAU. But no matter where we were born, or what we were born into, we all have a brain and can figure things out.”
“The ability to reason.”
“Right, we can reason that peace is more conducive to a harmonious life than trauma, or war, or any other sort of conflict.”
“So what are you saying? That murder and rape and torture are not good? Heck, we all know that.”
“Not all, because some of us never got the message of the Golden Rule. Every human who ever lived, is living, and will live will end up in the very same place as any other: in a star changing its shape. They say our sun will expand and swallow the earth and then collapse into a White Dwarf and we’ll all be in the same boat: Jew, Muslim and Christian atoms squashed into a dead star.”
“That’s in your book?”
“Yes, it is. I explain to the little kiddies that going through life filled with hate for people you don’t know is pretty darn stupid. How would they like it if people were out to kill them for no good reason? I’m telling you, they wouldn’t like it at all. If you don’t like the shoe on the other foot, change shoes.”
“That’s the first thing that made any sense this whole interview.”
“Maybe, but the rest is just as important: pursuing an idea that is based on hate is self-destructive, if you use the shoe analogy.”
“Yes, I can see that. From what I understand so far, you don’t agree with the Oct. 7 massacre, am I right?”
“Of course not. Here it is in black and white: either stop the stupidity or suffer the consequences. Very simple, don’t you think?”
“It’ll never happen.”
“We have machine guns, too. The reason I wrote the book is to lay it out: you want it equal; you got it. Let Israel go into Gaza and level it. The Muslims WORLDWIDE must denounce the ‘KTKs’: kidnappings, tortures and murders.”
“And this is a little kiddies’ book? What’s the name of it?”
“‘How to Make Friends.’”
“Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?”
“Look, you and I know that a tiger won’t change its stripes; it’ll behave just as it has for the past 1,400 years, but we’ll give them one last chance to join humanity’s quest for the stars and treat others as they too would wish to be treated. They say as many as a thousand Jews and Christians are kidnapped or killed in Africa every day. And this talk about ‘pathway to peace or ceasefire’: forget it. And we’re including all those who entered our country illegally. Giving Iran anything, let alone $10 billion, is wrong on every conceivable level.”
“Doesn’t say much for the illegal invaders coming across our open borders.”
“No, it certainly doesn’t. They don’t respect us, our laws and sure as heck don’t respect our country. Get rid of them ASAP.”
“We’re with you there.”
“Since a vote for a Dem is a vote for Fentanyl, human trafficking and the end of our country as we know it, not to mention ‘rape trees,’ having a bunch of crazed lunatics in our country who want to kill all of us is just plain nuts.”
“Agreed. We here at ‘Pulse’ demand that stupid people do not watch ‘Pulse’ or read the transcript found at ‘The P&E.’ We don’t work our tails off for stupid people and we would greatly appreciate it if they would all just go away.”
“Communism, Totalitarianism, and Socialism can’t handle free speech. Islam is yet another ‘ism’ that is a failed system of government (Sharia). Any philosophy that is at odds with the United States Constitution is, by definition, anathema to our way of life (Golden Rule, Ten Commandments, Bill of Rights).”
“That is true. It seems as if ‘Pulse’ is a lone voice in the wilderness warning of impending doom.”
“Unless something positive is done. We allow Muslim men to have multiple wives with multiple kids and ‘the man of the house’ takes in over $10,000 a month in welfare. Muslim men don’t work; all they do is plan for Jihad (‘Idle hands do the Devil’s work’). We better face the music and count the flowers before it’ too late.”
“You got me there. You want stupid, try this: our government hires Muslims. Henry wouldn’t stand for it. We didn’t have any Muslims (to speak of although one is one too many) before Barry Soetoro (aka Obama), and we sure as heck don’t need any now. Henry would have every Muslim deported or incarcerated within 12 months of being named Secretary of Defense, and that’s his promise.”
“And frogs don’t lie, do they?”
“Have you ever heard a frog lie? Has anybody?”
“No, of course not.”
“Well, there you go.”
“We’ve just run out of time, so this is your Roving Reporter, along with Professor Wert, wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[Reminder from the Little People: The USA is a very violent country. We have just as much to fear from the civilian criminals as we do from our own government, so be prepared by being always armed.]