by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Nov. 24, 2023) — “Justice for All” (2:24)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’re on the sidewalk of Anytown, USA with the mayor, who has some rather interesting ideas about voting. Please introduce yourself and tell us your rather, some might say, ‘far-out’ ideas.”
“For sure. To start, if you want rape trees, human trafficking and Fentanyl deaths you must produce a Covid-19 Vax card or no Democrat ballot. That’s number one. Two is if you’re caught cheating on the election we reserve the right to jail you.”
“And your name is?”
“No names; we don’t use names in our town, just numbers. That way we bypass all this ‘pronoun’ nonsense. I’m One. That lady on the other side of the street, the one who just waved? That was 309. And you? You say, ‘Ten’ followed by the last four digits of your Social Security number since you’re not a resident, a ‘passer-througher.’”
“Really, now.”
“For real.”
“What is this town, Red or Blue?”
“Can’t rightly say, but if I had to color it, I’d say somewhere on the ‘common sense’ side of the equation.”
“So, you’re not into ‘Bidenomics?’”
“Nope, we’re not big on calling a shark a ‘nice fish,’ a mountain lion a ‘kitty cat,’ or a raghead ‘moderate.’”
“What about your governor?”
“One gosh-darn fool.”
“That bad?”
“Ten times worse, for sure. You think this is bad, you’re in for one rude awakening the closer you get to Sacramento.”
“Let’s pause for a short commercial break.”
“1-2-3” (2:17)
“And will you look at who just hopped in? It’s our favorite frog, Henry. How you doin’, Henry?”
“Fine, thank you for asking. I want to set the record straight about the ransom paid to the CCP. Sharon Rondeau did not pay one red cent. What she did was threaten the CCP that, henceforth, she would devote half her time going after the CCP, and so they caved, sent me home first-class and here I am, safe, sound, rested.”
“And glad to have you back.”
“Thank you. I’d like to say that I am still available to be Trump’s Secretary of Defense. Before you ask, the first thing I’d do is give Mayorkas to Mike Davis to prosecute. Secondly, I would abolish the Department of Homeland Security and trash the Patriot Act.”
“And then what?”
“Deport, baby, deport.”
“And if they don’t want to go?”
“I’d leave them no choice. None of this ‘immigration lawyer’ coming to the rescue nonsense. None of this ‘citizenship’ nonsense, either. If you hate America then I’ll help you leave, for good.”
“Sounds like a threat.”
“More like a promise.”
“Take it to the bank?”
“All deported within the year.”
‘I believe you.”
“Let’s hope and pray Trump does as well.”
“Save America. Deport the Dems?”
“It’s a thought.”
“Okay, that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. We’ll wish you all a goodnight now: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
In the Jailhouse Now” (3:20)