by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Oct. 7, 2023) — “At the End of a Rainbow” (2:18)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. By popular demand, our featured guest is our most requested Henry. Welcome back, Henry; you wouldn’t believe how popular you are.”
“Thank you for inviting me back. You always serve the freshest grubs after the show so it’s a double win for me: I get to spout off followed by a delicious meal.”
“Always glad to please. Let’s have some of your ‘Frog Wisdom,’ for starters.”
“Very well, here goes. Our oil reserve is there for a reason. Wait, let me start over. Our oil reserve was there for a reason. In case of an emergency, our tanks, ships, and planes would have the fuel to win; at least that was the idea. Of course, if there’s no fuel, there can be no war. Presto! China wins by default. Chinese ships off the West Coast while our ships are sitting in port for lack of fuel. Unconditional surrender. Welcome to the utopia that the Dems wished for.”
“Seems a little harsh.”
“Affirmative Action opened the door for failure, which the Dems embraced, and the result is a stolen election with Mr. Biden and Miss Cackle as the top dogs. Spin it any way you want, failure is ‘The View,’ the SPLC, ACLU, DHS, and weaponizing the FBI via the DOJ. The communicable disease is stupidity where people believe lies over truth.”
“How did they do it?”
“They did it by introducing a new political party by taking over an existing political party, just with a subtle name change from the ‘Democrat Party’ to the ‘Democrat Socialist Party.’”
“And nobody noticed?”
“Nope, not a clue. First, they don’t know the difference between a Socialist and a Communist or, for that matter, a Constitutionalist.”
“I understand that you are the leader of the ‘Hopalong Political Party’; is that correct? And what does the party stand for?”
“Yes, I am the top frog. Now as far as what we stand for, we stand with MAGA 100% except with the caveat that Trump [‘Justice for All’ (2:24)] name me as his Secretary of Defense.”
“What would you propose any different than what was done?”
“I’ll bring back the Draft, for starters, and include each and every citizen to serve at least two years in some meaningful capacity, even if it’s cleaning up the trash on our southern border.”
“I like that. What else would you do?”
“None of this queer LGBTQ+ woke nonsense. No women in combat units. No ‘sanctuary’ idiocy. I’d make our military into a lean fighting force to be feared, guaranteed. Boot camp just like they had in WWII.”
“I believe you. No ‘pronoun’ and ‘gender’ issues?”
“Nope, not even a hint. Not a suggestion of a hint. Not even a suggestion of a question. If they’re not in shape, we’ll get them in shape. If they can’t read and write, we’ll teach them. No ‘Ebonics’ or any other foreign language: English only. There will be no failures, and if there are we’ll teach until a passing grade is achieved. We’ll teach the Constitution and the UCMJ*. We’ll teach the history of the USA. And if anyone doesn’t like it, we’ll teach them to like it.”
“Sounds fair.”
“Thank you. We aim to please. Not one red cent to Ukraine. We have thousands of totally incompetent government employees who hate America, just as they ‘looked the other way’ when we let Muslims with expired visas learn how to fly planes into buildings. We haven’t learned one darn thing since 9-11. Remember me for Secretary of Defense. Excuse me; I must hop away to another interview on one of your competitors. Been a pleasure; save some grubs for me. I’ll leave you with a question: why keep a failed system in place, a system that brings death and destruction down upon yourselves? You want more Boston Marathon bombings, you got ‘em; it’s just a matter of time.”
Sound of frog hopping away. Hop, hop, hop…turns and waves…hop, hop, hop…
“We’ll pause for a short commercial break.”
“Guitar Pickin’ Chicken” (2:43)
“And we’re back with a retired Navy man. Welcome to ‘Pulse.’ By the way, what do we call you?”
“You can call me ‘Jack.’ Always read the transcript of the show in The P&E. Love your show.”
“A Navy man, is that right?”
“Once Navy, always Navy. ‘If it moves, salute it; if it doesn’t, paint it.’”
“We’ve already heard that one.”
“The try this one on for size: it can get worse.”
“What do you mean?”
“A Seaman is a true realist, meaning there’s no blinders, no lie that can withstand the instant scrutiny of a Navy Seaman, Navy Fireman, and a Marine Rifleman.”
“That’s interesting. What gives? What is their philosophy that makes them that way?”
“It’s called the ‘Philosophy of Realism’: If it can get worse, count on it. If there’s one truth, it’s when such stupidity is uttered, it gets worse.”
“And the lesson is?”
“And the lesson is when it does get worse, it does not necessarily mean that people will get a clue and make a bad situation better. Heck, they may just let the bad situation fester hoping that it won’t get worse.”
“But it does, doesn’t it?”
“Guaranteed if you’re at the bottom of the totem pole, just like we are. Regular hardworking taxpaying citizens are at the bottom. Citizens who believe in the Constitution and the ‘American Way’ are at the bottom. Those who believe in ‘fair play’ are at the bottom. People who believe in the justice system are at the bottom. You’re at the bottom; I’m at the bottom. We believe in MAGA, therefore we’re at the bottom. And, according to ‘The Philosophy of Realism,’ Harris will follow Biden, enough proof that when things are bad, darker days lie ahead. New York Governor Kathy Hochul followed Andrew Cuomo; Chicago Mayor Brandon Johnson followed Lori Lightfoot; and I could go on until the end of time.”
“I believe you.”
“You know what’s funny? Some idiot saying ‘My Pillow’ has lumps, proof they never used the product. Best pillow I ever had and cheap at half the price. Henry uses that small travel pillow. Love that Mike Lindell**, an undefeatable fighter for election integrity if there ever was one.”
“And will you look at the time? How time flies when you’re having fun. And so, this is your Roving Reporter, along with a Navy man, wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time, we’ll save some grubs for Henry: my treat.”
[*UCMJ: Uniform Code of Military Justice. Agents DO NOT raid Roger Stone’s condo at dawn; agents DO NOT raid an ex-president’s house; that’s for lowlife bums who mindlessly follow illegal orders so, go ahead, throw the baby in the air and catch it with your bayonet; it suits them like a glove. Welcome to the Deep States’s GESTAPO.]
[**Mike Lindell: Everyone here at ‘Pulse’ endorses ‘My Pillow’ products because they use them — daily — and are entirely satisfied. I myself have used a ‘My Pillow’ pillow for the last ten years and love it. I never had a ‘lump.’ The pillow is washable and I highly recommend it for everyone.]
“Uncle Albert/Admiral Halsey” (4:55)