by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Jun. 1, 2023) — “Real Man” (4:27)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Today’s guest is an illegal who wishes to remain anonymous, not for fear of ICE but of his own people. Welcome to the show.”
“You want truth, or should I place the sugar on it?”
“I think we want the truth.”
“I think not. I think I sprinkle sparkles to make you feel better about yourselves.”
“What do you have to say to us?”
“We drink and beat our women; we drink and drive; we get drunk and get into accidents, but we don’t feel bad about the mayhem and destruction we cause because we are prone to drink and drive. It is our way of life, the ‘Macho Way.’”
“You know you’re not supposed to drink and drive.”
“’You know you’re not supposed to drink and drive.’ Tell it to the — how do you say it?”
“‘Tell it to the Chaplain.’”
“No ‘priest?’ No matter. You have these ‘Angel Moms’ that we do not like; they make trouble, and we don’t need no trouble. We have our way of life, and they interfere that we no like.”
“Maybe don’t drink and drive?”
“Now you sound like a bunch of ‘busybodies,’ a gaggle of hens clucking away in the chicken house.”
“So, let me see if I understand you correctly. You people who come from a ‘macho culture’ will always drink and drive and that’s all there is to it and we better get used to it because you’re here to stay to drink and drive, right?”
“Most right. No arrests, okay? Remember, you invited us, so what if we kill a bunch of you? You already knew we drink and drive. Don’t blame us.”
“Alright. No arrests. And that’ll do it for this episode of ‘Pulse.’ Goodnight.”
“Our dangerous world just got exponentially more dangerous thanks to ‘Let’s go Brandon!’ Burger time: my treat.”
“Al-di-la” (3:16)
Roving Reporter