Prospector Discovers the ‘Swamp Rock’ (RR)

by Roving Reporter, ©2023  

(Jan. 28, 2023) — “Stand On My Own” (4:12)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We have just received notice that the rock that people like Adam Schiff crawl out from under has been discovered near Bakersfield, CA. The exact location has been classified as ‘TOP SECRET’ by the ‘powers-that-be.’ To share in this amazing discovery that will, without a doubt, be equal to finding the tomb of Tutankhamen is the man himself, Old Dan, the prospector.”

“Sorry, Roving, but you read that wrong. Dan is the name of my burro; my name is Jackson, Jackson Winter. I only have Dan for looks. I actually have an RV and Dan is my dog substitute.”

“I have to tell you, Jackson, that people like you are why ‘Pulse’ is the most-watched information show in its time slot. So, what made you look for the rock that the Swamp creatures crawl out from under?”

“No, you got it all wrong. This is not ‘The’ rock; it’s just Adam Schiff’s rock.”

“You mean to tell me that every low-down slimy swamp critter has its own rock to crawl out from under?”

“Well, I wouldn’t know about that. I was just prospecting for gold and stumbled across the rock that Adam Schiff crawls out from, that’s all. I wasn’t like looking for something that’s beyond worthless, believe me.”

“Oh, somehow I feel let down, as if a balloon got punctured, you know what I mean?”

“You bet I do, every time I find ‘Fool’s Gold,’ or a first edition in a used bookstore that is usually a reprint of a first edition.”

“Yes, well, now we have a few minutes of airtime that we must fill by talking. You have anything interesting to say?”

“I guess I could mention the many young people keeling over, but that’s not really news, now, is it?”

“No, I’m afraid not.”

“I could mention a nuclear holocaust, but what would be the point in that?”

“You got a point there.”

“Then again it seems as if the RNC just flushed themselves into oblivion by reelecting Ronna Romney McDaniel as chairwoman or -person, whatever, as if anyone cares. Mike Lindell would have been the savior of the Republican Party, but it wasn’t to be. Trump should have endorsed Lindell, but Trump* has lost his vim and vigor, it seems to me. I understand that some amphibian may be running for president in 2024.”

“Yes, that’s right. His name is Henry, and he seems to be pretty popular, especially with the unvaxxed and intellectuals; people who don’t believe a word of whatever the government preaches. Trump used to urge people to get vaxxed but we here at ‘Pulse’ never did. Why, one of our most popular guests even signs his name with ‘Trash the masks**.’”

“Now that I like.”

“So, you’re a prospector for gold; anything else?”

“In a word: truth. I used to enjoy the wilderness in the Southwest, but today anyone can get the same experience by going to your local landfill, aka ‘garbage dump.’”

“That bad?”

“Worse. You don’t find ‘rape trees’ in our landfills. High price for a stolen election. You don’t find little villages wiped out because of disease, mostly malaria, in South and Central America.”

“What’s your prognosis for the USA?”

“We’ll wake up some morning and the police/Army will be marching down your street led by a Chinese dressed in Red Army garb, aka PLA. They’ll throw people out of their condos, apartments, houses into the streets and they’ll march them, reminiscent of the ‘Bataan Death March,’ to an internment camp, a gulag, where they’ll die.”

“Yes, we see the beginnings of such abuse from the Capitol Police, murdering with impunity. Reminds one of the GESTAPO, does it not?”

“It most certainly does. Open borders are just another pathway for the Chinese invasion, and people such as Adam Schiff pave the way for our demise. Face it, Schiff is a stupid puppet just as much as our very own ‘race-baiters,’ made-up ridiculousness to keep us diverted from the REAL problem, which is abolishing the Constitution, starting with the Second Amendment. The Chinese want us defenseless, ergo, take our guns. It’s a simple equation, one that has been exercised whenever a country is destroyed.”

“Does Trump have the will to deport the Muslims and the illegal immigrants?”

“Are you kidding me? Go back and look at who he had for his cabinet, for cryin’ out loud. Give me a break. He had the opportunity to put people against the wall and he didn’t, end of story. He had the ‘dog and pony show’ every week about getting vaxxed. Give me a break.”

“Maybe he’ll do better the second time.”

“And maybe pigs will fly. Will he get women off Navy ships? Will he get the queers out of the military? Will he have a Joint Chiefs of Staff who honors their Oath to the Constitution? Now you’re being stupid, Roving, and I don’t like stupidity, which is why I can’t stand Congress: they talk the talk and we’re $31 trillion in debt.  Explain that one.”

“I can’t; nobody can, and I see we’ve run out of time, so I want to thank you for being such a talkative guest. Thank you for watching and so, on behalf of Jackson, this is your Roving Reporter wishing you all a goodnight.”

“Excuse me, I’d like to say one more thing, if I may?”

“Go ahead.”

“Bottom line: our government wants to kill us, either by beating us to death, shooting us while we’re unable to protect ourselves by taking our guns, or by injecting poison into us so we can’t have babies which the Dems want to murder even after death. That’s all.”

“Thank you, and here’s a goodnight for the last and final time: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*Trump: ‘Pulse’ is backing Henry but will back Trump if it looks like Henry gets squashed or doesn’t have a snowball’s chance. If Trump does become our next REAL president then Henry will, no doubt, be first in line for any of the ‘Secretary’ jobs; Defense and State come to mind.]

[**’Trash the masks’: That’s how ‘Zork’ signs his name: Professor ‘Trash the masks’ Zorkophsky.]

“Little Wing” (5:41)

Roving Reporter