by Roving Reporter, ©2023
(Jan. 16, 2023) — “Try a Little Tenderness” (3:48)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest today is the most improbable presidential candidate ever, an English-speaking frog named Henry who is smart enough to keep his day job*. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot.”
“Thank you for inviting me. You may not believe this, but this is the only TV show I’ve been on; none of the other networks seem to give a croak.”
“You mean ‘hoot.’”
“Yes.”
“Tell us what life is like on the campaign trail.”
“It’s brutal about sums it up. I’ve heard all my life about ‘The Swamp,’ but after one look I hightailed it out of there. If I am elected, I’ll govern from the pond in Cassadaga, Florida.”
“What can you tell us about the outlook on America?”
“The truth is: very, very dim.”
“Don’t bother sugar-coating it, Henry; just say it.”
“You don’t want to hear it. All you want to hear is Trump winning in 2024 and won’t the world be all nice and rosy for you all. Wait, don’t forget the ‘Happiness Meter’ pegging off the scale of whatever makes you happy because sure as shootin’ you and I aren’t on the same page.”
“And why is that?”
“Muslims fly planes into building and kill 3,000 of you. Then you have killings all over your country, from California to everywhere else. Boston Bombing, Chattanooga, Orlando; all over, and you just bring more and more in, every day.”
“That is true.”
“You send troops over to Afghanistan to wipe out the terrorist training camps while at the same time you send movers over there to set up Islamovilles all over the United States. No wonder Veterans do themselves in.”
“You got me there.”
“You allow Muslims into you country, people who want nothing more than to kill you, you Infidels, you non-Believers. They kill you and you don’t seem to give a hoot.”
“Croak.”
“That’s why you have lost the war and will leave the next generation with absolutely nothing because you don’t care that you’re all so doggone stupid. The Muslims are here because they want to kill each and every one of you, and if you don’t at least understand that much, well, at least give me your vote (which won’t be counted anyway).”
“You have any good news?” Wait; let’s take a short break before you answer.”
“Viva Los Vegas” (2:37)
“And we’re back. Go ahead and answer if you would, please.”
“The truth is that you lost. They know it’s just a matter of time; you don’t. You’re going downhill faster than a speeding bullet and you look to 2024 as if anything will change. It won’t. The Muslims will still win. They’ll still arrive at JFK thousands per day. Citizenship upon arrival while the DHS assists them along the way in every way possible: money, housing, transportation, medical, money and jobs.”
“Jobs?”
“With the help of the FBI, DOJ and every other crooked government agency that has turned their collective backs on the Constitution.”
“Cops?”
“Cops who let the shooters shoot kids in schools. Get real: law enforcement only enforces what the Deep State wants enforced.”
“You mentioned jobs.”
“How about Muslims in city councils authorizing animal sacrifices in homes. Next, they’ll authorized Infidel beheadings, too. And why not? They already behead their wives and daughters for becoming ‘too Westernized,’ don’t they?”
“For sure. Where do they bury the bodies?”
“In back yards, mosques, and in the killing fields of the Islamovilles.”
“Is it my imagination or is it getting worse?”
“Worse by the minute. But no one pays attention, so what’s the point of articulating the problem if no one even knows there’s a problem? Must deport them. Now.”
“Good point, and with that we’ll call it a day. Goodnight.”
“Good show. Care for fresh fly, compliments of Madam Shylock?”
[*Day job: Henry’s full-time job is Zyklon‘s ‘Ambassador at Large on the Planet Earth.’]
“Gypsy Woman” (2:34)
Roving Reporter