by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(May 10, 2022) — “Tell Her No” (2:07)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Our featured guest, Madam Shylock, ‘crystal ball gazer extraordinaire,’ is no stranger to our audience. Welcome back to ‘Pulse,’ the most-watched information show in its time slot. By the way, do you read palms?”
“Thank you, Roving, for the gracious introduction and, as Chief New Leaf would say, ‘A few full moons have passed’ since I was on your show. No, I do not read palms; I am not a ‘palmist.’ I gaze into my crystal ball and that’s how I do it. So, how may I help you?”
“The Roe vs. Wade issue, and then tell me how a crystal ball works, if we’ve the time.”
“Very well: you want the facts or the sugar-coated version?”
“Just the facts, Madam.”
“Will do. First, how big of a mystery is it to learn how babies are made? That’s hurdle number one. Hurdle number 2 is a lot more difficult for the learning-impairedL you know, the ones who always sit in the back row for fear of ever being called on.”
“You mean stupid people?”
“Well, in a way, but I think the word ‘lazy’ is more appropriate. For instance, take these Roe vs. Wade supporters. Now it’s not too difficult to understand that, if precautions are taken, there would be no need for an abortion, right?”
“Right.”
“And there must be umpteen zillion different birth control methods, starting with abstinence and going from there. But here’s the key: lazy people see no need for any of that since they can get an abortion anytime, anywhere. Matter of fact, in some places a young girl can have an abortion without the parents ever knowing about it.”
“No way.”
“And some girls have multiple abortions; did you know that?”
“Yes, I’ve heard of that.”
“No fathers involved, by the way.”
“So, the girl is never asked who the father is or if the father ever gets notified of the impending death of his child?”
“Well, that’s the thing: the father is not part of the abortion equation. It’s a girl’s ‘my body, my choice’ kind of thing.”
“One would think that the father has some rights in this matter, wouldn’t you?”
“What if the girl has no idea who the father is? Especially the way the Welfare system is set up, fathers (husbands) are exempt from ‘the family’: the State wishes to replace the family unit with ‘The State’ being in charge of the upbringing of the child.”
“You mean like what Germany had in the 1930s: ‘education’ camps for the kids where they were indoctrinated into the Socialist way of thinking, that there is no ‘family’ but the State. Is that what you mean?”
“That’s right: Teachers’ Unions, where only government-approved texts are used and no outside reading. No Mark Twain, T. H. White, Franz Kafka, William Golding and a slew of others who never had a kind word about intrusive governments.”
“Which is why our Founding Fathers put the Second Amendment in the Constitution; just wish they had put it in as the first.”
“Some tried; there was a long drawn-out debate to put the Second as the First, and I wish they had won the day. You know, thinking about it, we could still do it, put the Second as the First.”
“Well, without the Second you may not have the First, right? Getting back to Roe, the State is replacing the church as the center of the community with the liquor store and the bar. The State is taking God out of the equation entirely.”
“That’s right. Why is that?”
“Because the State wants total and complete control of how the population thinks, that’s why. It demands submission to whatever agenda they’re pushing, such as ‘Orange man bad’ and where, subconsciously, the State is pushing ‘Constitution bad,’ which it does in two ways: subliminal thought control and unending repetition.”
“So how do we fight it?”
“Education is the key, but trying to get kids and even adults to read ‘War and Peace’ and Gibbon’s ‘The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire’ is a hard task seeing how there are so many competing forces for our time, such as TV and the Internet’s social media, besides texting friends on the telephone. Somehow we have to make the church the keystone of our communities; we have to get people back in the pews on Sunday morning; we have to make patriotism as meaningful today as it was in 1776.”
“Seems an insurmountable hill to climb.”
“Not if you re-institute the Draft, it isn’t. Every person, from 18 to 65, must serve at least 2 years in some capacity for the government, either in the military or in some other job that is good for all of us, even as a school crossing guard in the middle of winter. But I want to get back to Roe and what I’ve come up with.”
“Glad to hear it.”
“The other day I had a dream where I wrote a pamphlet explaining about birth control, so I went to a publisher and it’s at the printer now.”
“Well, this we like to hear. What’s it called?”
“The Contemporary Handbook for the Ignorant, Gullible and Mindless Puppets of the Deep State.’ I break it down into short chapters; it’s only 20 pages and it’ll be free; it’s the least that I can do to save America.”
“Why, that sounds really good. Care to tell us what some of the chapters are about?”
“I cover a whole range of topics, such as ‘George Floyd was a Bully’ to ‘A Toppled Statue doesn’t Change a Thing’ to the ‘Southern Poverty Law Center, BLM, Pro-Abortion and Antifa are One and the Same: a Communist Front.’ I mention the fraudulent election and that Trump is our legal president and Biden-Harris and all the other election fraudsters should be behind bars, along with Hillary and Huma Abedin. I also supply a chip that your phone can read that has the whole movie, 2000 Mules, as an added attraction. And then I list 100 ways to not get pregnant, starting with reading the Bible. I advocate church on Sunday, voter ID and the other usual stuff that we all want, starting with ousting Biden, the Muslims and the illegal immigrants, our ‘need-to-do’ list.”
“That sounds impressive, and we wish you luck in distributing your most impressive pamphlet. With that, on behalf of Madam Shylock, this is your Roving Reporter wishing each of you a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Now tell me about how a crystal ball works and then we’ll grab a burger.”
“We’re off-air?”
“We’re off-air.”
“It works by magnetic waves. You see, each person, whether they know it or not, gives off an aura that is picked up by the crystal ball. Every crystal ball is unique, while others, like mine, receive more than enough energy to go around. They say that Jesus had the most powerful aura ever, before or since. That’s why he’s depicted with a halo, because he actually had one. I’m hungry.
“Let’s go: my treat.”
“Cowboy (song of the cowboys)” (1:55)
Roving Reporter
