by Roving Reporter, ©2022
(May 2, 2022) — “Largo al factotum” (3:50)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. It’s a beautiful day, and it would be a shame to spoil it by mentioning Biden and the stolen election, the grossly incompetent General Milley (chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff), banshee cackling Harris, the open borders, food shortages, totally corrupt Pelosi, anti-Semite Schumer, spike proteins, the Left’s agenda to destroy the Constitution, stupid kids who can’t follow the instructions for birth control (thanks to Teachers’ Union passing kids who all should’ve learned the ‘Three Rs’ back in grade school), the intentions of Islam to subjugate us (by knife or tax) and on and on until our brains are as black-and-blue as our wallets. Nope, not going to do it, so today we’re back in the classroom of Miss Bernard, who graciously invited us to see how her students are learning to become adults.”
“I’m afraid we’re going to be talking about some of the same subjects that will spoil our beautiful day, Roving. First will be the facts of the stolen election, the Jan. 6 fabrication of the Left’s so-called ‘insurrection’ (the REAL insurrection was when VP Mike Pence certified millions of fraudulent votes for Biden), and just about everything else that you mentioned, except for any mention of birth control since we leave that subject to the parents. And we do teach our pupils to comprehend what they read; for instance, we just finished ‘The Wealth of Nations’ where we learned that the Dems are trying to destroy the ‘supply side’ while opening their reelection campaign funds to the Chinese or, for that matter, anyone else who wants their vote on a myriad of stuff, from roads to ships, chips to forks.”
“Well, I guess that’s very enlightening.”
“For sure. Next period we’re jump-starting our ‘Passion Play’ rehearsals so, come Christmas, we can focus on the Golden Rule and other life-meaning subjects instead of wasting our precious time on this ‘transgender and woke’ meaningless nonsense. We stopped any field trips to Disney ever since they instituted ‘Queer Day’ years ago. Imagine taking little kids to an amusement park only to see boys kissing boys and girls kissing girls. Well, it happened to us and, I tell you, that was the end of that.”
“How do your students compare on math with students from, say, Japan? Whoops, excuse me, please answer after this short break.”
“I Never Go Around Mirrors” (2:32)
“And we’re back.”
“I’ll tell you: in second grade we teach that if ‘A = C and C = B, then A must = B’ so we’re ahead of the eight-ball when it comes to learning take-home pay vs. taxes.”
“What are you studying this week in English?”
“Last week was the book, “1984″ by George Orwell; this week we’ll be focusing on Franz Kafka and Biden’s ‘Ministry of Truth,’ which is a real joke because this administration has no idea what the truth is, what it was, what it will be and what it should be.”
“Amazing.”
“You tell me; the kids really eat it up.”
“What about the parents? Any trouble from them?”
“There’s been a few, mostly, no, all from Dems who want gender issues before math issues. I mean, we have the kids for a relatively short time until they leave home and face the world by themselves. Some make it and some don’t, but the ones who learn the basics have a lot better chance to stay out of jail and off Welfare.”
“That sounds reasonable.”
“To some, but unfortunately, not all. We have had parents who are total whack-jobs, and I really feel sorry for their poor kids who are already two steps behind because of their first names, made-up names that have absolutely no meaning whatsoever, which puts the poor child at a distinct disadvantage in the corporate world.”
“That’s right, isn’t it? That’s reality and not fantasy.”
“And we studied that very subject by critiquing Joseph Heller’s ‘Something Happened,’ a book on how others perceive us on how we dress, among other criteria.”
“Back to the cops ‘profiling.’”
“That’s right; we all do it, whether consciously or not. It’s the way of the world, and that’s what I teach my kids.”
“Well, I’d say that you’re doing a real good job. Too bad all teachers don’t take their job as seriously as you.”
“Thank you, Roving, I really do appreciate that. You see, all teachers aren’t Left-Wing Loonies.”
“Now ain’t that the truth? Well, now, it’s been enlightening, and I thank you and so, on behalf of an extraordinary teacher, Miss Molly Bernard, this is your Roving Reporting wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
“That’s The Way Love Goes” (1:48)