U.S. Army insignia for rank of “private” (public domain)

by Roving Reporter, ©2021

(Oct. 14, 2021) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Back to hawk yet another bestseller, Professor Zorkophsky, of ‘Trash the masks’ fame, is going to explain what it’s all about. Welcome to ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot.”

“And glad to be back on top of the charts, Roving. And I’d like to make a few comments before we get to my book, if I may.”

“By all means, Professor Zorkophsky.”

“Thank you, but please call me Zork,’ as I feel that it makes for a more relaxing atmosphere. I’d like to mention a real Patriot who has come on the scene like gangbusters, a determined woman who deserves our respect and support: none other than S. G. Cheah. She is one loud voice in support of our Constitution and she makes a lot of sense and is an entertaining writer; check her out.”

“And now let me ask you some questions about your new book, the first being what kind of book is it? Hold on; I know it is a great book but is it a textbook, a mystery; what kind of book is it?”

“It’s what we call ‘historical fiction based on fact’ that is, basically, written as a screenplay like many of the popular books of today, but what makes it really interesting is that we use the real names of the bad guys; the white hats are made-up names in order to protect the innocent.”

“Sounds interesting. What’s it about?”

“Sorry, can’t tell you that but what I can tell you is that it is all based on irrefutable fact.”

“Well, that’s nice but can you at least tell us some of the key players?”

“I’ll list them in the order that I think is most important, starting with Jesus and ending with the Swamp Rats.”

“Okay, then, list some of the ‘Swamp Rats,’ as you call them.”

“I call them as I see them: Nancy Pelosi, Joe Biden, Chuck Schumer, Eric Swalwell, Dick Durbin, Mitch McConnell* and all the other Dems and RINOs.”

“That makes sense.”

“When we die we’ll have a moment – actually, if measured by a stopwatch, less than a moment — to contemplate our contribution to the advancement of the life forms on the planet that we call home – earth. Yes, viruses and fleas will be included; even the purity of water because water affects all living organisms on our home, so polluting and trashing our water must stop yesterday. It is not a question of ‘when’ but more of a question of ‘where.’”

“I’m getting confused. What does the location of the earth in the cosmos have anything to do with anything?”

“But that’s my point; that’s the premise of the book: we don’t know, but what we do know is that you can’t do your job, as Private Jekyll was trying to do while getting backstabbed by a General who wants to leave perfectly good weapons to the enemy. The enemy, you understand, is Islam, in case you haven’t been paying attention. The enemy are Muslims, the very people who push LGBTs off of tall buildings and disfigure women with acid for imagined and trivial slights that seem to have something to do with ‘family honor,’ if you can believe that, which no one in their right mind would ever do.”

“So it’s a novel that has a great plot.”

“Yes, this private does his job but the General doesn’t; sound familiar?”

“Too familiar, if you ask me. So that’s part of the ‘fact’ part?”

“Yes. The plot thickens, of course. We have electoral votes morphing into decertified electoral votes, thereby making Trump our legitimate – legal – president.”

“Sounds rather exciting. And that’s all of our time and so we’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*Mitch McConnell: Not necessary to comment.]

[Little People: Communication blackout is in effect from the Frederick Municipal Airport in Maryland.]

[True story: ‘Pulse’ was recently contacted by a retired Army NCO who tossed a grenade in a group of helicopters (as they were leaving the Bagram airport in Afghanistan for the last time) and was threatened with a Court Martial for “DELIBERATELY DESTROYING GOVERNMENT PROPERTY.” We wouldn’t want Barry Soetoro (aka Obama) to be embarrassed in any way, now, would we?]

Don’t Touch My Hat” (3:46)

Roving Reporter

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