by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2021
(May 16, 2021) — “Mary Lou” (2:11)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. Hello, I’m ‘Zork’ of ‘Trash the masks’ fame, a guest host of ‘Pulse,’ the most popular information show in its time slot, ever since Roving Reporter (RR) had it up to here dealing with the Obots of our land. It seems that Roving wanted to punch some of the people he was interviewing right there on camera, live on the air, so he had to take some time off to ‘get it together.’ What set him off we don’t rightly know, although I suspect that CNN and MSNBC had something to do with it because some heard him mumbling something about ‘Fake News’ and ‘Government-Speak.’
“First off, I’d like to welcome you to the ‘PTSD Symposium,’ and also I would like to thank the committee for choosing me, once again, to be the keynote speaker at the one place where we can all speak our minds without the fear of reprisal or censorship. As an example we can speak freely about what the VA has been trying to do to us for these many years. It used to be that pills were the answer, and if that didn’t work, then ‘more pills’ became an even better answer. Reminds one of the ‘Teachers’ Union’ where they kept pouring money into the money pit and, guess what? Johnny still can’t read or write, do sums, or speak proper English. They tried but failed in using the sorry excuse of ‘Ebonics’ to let slide why some can’t seem to conjugate the verb ‘communicate,’ as in ‘I talkeded, I talks’ and ‘I will talks.’
“Tonight I’d like to talk about the crazy people we have to deal with in our lives, and I don’t mean other PTSD sufferers. No, I mean the real wackos of our times: those who suffer from ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome.’ You see, we know we have a problem; we know we need help, but these others don’t have an inkling how far gone from reality they are; haven’t a clue, whereas we do, and because we know we’re nuts we have a distinct advantage over the other nuts because we’re dealing with reality while the real nuts among us are dealing with imaginations that they manifested all in their minds*; nothing external at all. They had thoughts whirling around in their heads while we had real bullets whirling by our skulls.
“When I got back to ‘The World’ I was really paranoid; trust me. I thought, for real, that I was somehow transported into another reality: everything looked the same but was just a little bit off. Ever see that episode of ‘The Twilight Zone,’ where this guy is convinced he is who he thinks he is but everyone else thinks different? He thinks he lives at such-and-such place, has a such-and- such job, and so on. That was me, for real. I’d be in a store and get this feeling that they were watching me, and suddenly I turn around and look to see if I could catch the camera, or person, spying on me. And this went on for years, even outside. Now, decades later, I’ve just gotten used to the idea that, yes, I came back from war but not to the same reality as when I left. Okay, I can deal with that: I accept the premise that I’m back to the country that I left, but do I actually believe it? Maybe I do and maybe I don’t, but it’s my cross to bear, and I accept that, and I hope during my talk here today, you will learn to do the same.
“And that’s the difference between us and them. You see, we know we’re nuts but those others out there HAVEN’T A CLUE. Rachel Maddow and Anderson Cooper come to mind as two who need help but will never get it, but, hey, you can lead a dehydrated horse to water but can’t make him drink. Ever see ‘The View’? Case in point.
“We would really like to ignore the ‘over-the-edge crowd,’ but we do so at our own peril, I’m afraid. These people are not only off-the-wall, but dangerous as well. These are the ones who think that Hollywood war movies are for real. Maybe I’m the head of a Hollywood studio and have a really good war movie in the can. So here’s what I’ll do: in order to buy a ticket to see my movie you must be sleep-deprived, hungry, sweaty and dirty, have some sore or limp, a cavity, itch all over, have dandruff, but this last one is the most important: you must be thirsty.
“Ever been thirsty, I mean all you can think of is water? Bullets are flying; the noise is deafening; you see the black smoke of the napalm and the bright orange fire, feel the heat; smell the kerosene and the roasted rats, but your throat is so parched that it’s itching from inside**. Meanwhile, back at the ranch, if anyone mentions anything to do with a tall, cold glass of water, or maybe a cold beer in Olongapo with little pieces of ice clinging to the side of the bottle, you’ll do away with them with your knife right then and there; forget the enemy.
“Now you are allowed in to see my movie, and while you’re in my theater enjoying my movie, I’ll let loose ten thousand fleas and mosquitoes, one thousand centipedes, five hundred spiders and one semi-dangerous but very ticked-off snake.
“And then let’s talk about ammo: none of this Hollywood spraying the whole jungle, like they did in the movie ‘Predator.’ Not quite, because in real life someone has to lug the lead around, and, guess what? Bullets are heavy; there’s no two ways about it, so, rule number one is go easy on the water and, sharing rule number one: don’t waste ammo.
“And that’s the major dilemma on the battlefield: you need water to fire the bullets and you need the bullets to get the water in order to fire the bullets. Moral of the story: don’t waste ammo.
“These crazy people in our country, there’s millions of them, and each one is a little crazier than the next. This mask thing is over the top. First of all, wearing a mask is like a chain-link fence trying to keep mosquitoes out, okay? The virus, the Chinese Chemical Warfare Biological Weapon Covid-19, is a strain of the flu, and we’re lucky it isn’t a hundredth as bad as SARS.
“Okay, let’s do a quick review: We’re nuts, but we’re not half as nuts as the ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome Mask People’ are; we’ll get over it, or at least learn to cope with it, not like the real nuts out there.
“You see, we’re the lucky ones: we’re the ‘rational nuts,’ while those others have no hope and little chance of ever making it back to any sort of normal existence. We’ll not take the pills while we find others who we can relate to or someone to love us as much as we love them to help us cope so we don’t blow our brains out.
“I had a wife who I bet my life on but she cheated and, here I am, still here after flushing the pills from the VA, booze, cigarettes and the drugs. What I’m saying is that you have more strength than you know; you have more capabilities that you haven’t even begun to tap into. I barely graduated from high school but made straight ‘As’ in college, so go figure. There’s more to you than you know so don’t throw the overwhelming good away along with the not-as-much, not-so-good. Think of it this way: we’re not perfect but we strive to do better. You know what they did to the perfect man? They nailed him to the cross, so don’t you eat a bullet because He already took one for you.
“Thank you for being such an attentive audience and, I guess I ought to leave you with one memorable bit of advice: be armed and be ready. Like we used to say, nobody lives forever so make it count.
“One last point: women aren’t supposed to go to battle; women are supposed to help those who go into harm’s way, to be there to keep the Home Front, and to care for the warrior when he comes home and needs to rejoin the daily grind***. That’s just the way it has been for generations after thousands of generations. I can’t imagine women on a Man o’ War in the blue water Navy, including subs.
“Anyway, I’d like to thank ‘Pulse’ for broadcasting the show and The P&E for posting the transcript: Goodnight.
“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”
[*all in their minds: sick people, mentally-deranged people, cried when Hillary lost.]
[**from inside: and that’s when you wake up from your nightmare, reaching for your weapon, covered in sweat. Imagine going to sleep every night fearing that’s how you’re going to wake up. Now imagine doing that every night for seventeen years.]
[***daily grind: that doesn’t including killing and getting killed, although since ANTIFA, BLM, Muslim Brotherhood, et al, the demarcation of “over there” and “over here” is getting slimmer and dimmer every day.]
“Drifter’s Escape” (3:21)
Professor ‘Trash the masks’ Zorkophsky