by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2020

(Dec. 19, 2020) — “The Christmas Song” (3:16)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. For those of you who aren’t in the know, the United States government has been conducting philosophy classes to the inductees of our armed forces since the beginning. Freshmen through Senior classes are called Boot Camp.’ Continued education in the Navy, for the civilian equivalent of a Master’s degree, is in Firemanor ‘Boatswain’ Divisions; after six months the ‘students’ are bestowed their ‘Doctor of Philosophy’ in Cynicism.

“With us today in the ‘Pulse’ studio is the General, the person who saved our show from oblivion for giving us the opportunity the use of his shortwave set. Thank you, General, for being so patriotic for us.”

“Glad to do it, Zork – oh, sorry, is it okay to address you so? So my den is your studio? I guess that’s okay. I understand that your advertiser bailed but you got replacements; I suppose that explains the gap in music, at least for those who read the transcripts of the program in The P&E.”

“That is quite correct, General. Excuse us while we break for a commercial.”

There’s No Place Like Home for the Holidays” (2:44)

“We’re back.”

“Where’s Roving; haven’t seen him in a Blue Moon.”

“I think he is in hiding. So, General, you wheeled in your chalkboard and I notice there are all kinds of squiggles; what do they all mean?”

“Those ‘squiggles’ are precision vectors representing the amount of fraud emanating from the companies that pat themselves on the back for nothing other than to garner exorbitant tuition fees. Here’s the undisputed fact: the book of War and Peace is the same in the Harvard library as the copy in Eureka, California, and everywhere else in between.”

“That’s right, isn’t it? Back in the day, back in 1776, there were no libraries and, besides, books were expensive, so whoever (or wherever) had a bunch of books was looked upon as the epicenter of higher learning.”

“And Harvard being the oldest…”

“Right, and Pocahontas — Elizabeth Warren – brought it all out in the open, didn’t she?”

“That she did. I was watching one of our competitors the other night and they had some pundit on – some lawyer — that they made a big fuss over being from Harvard. Big deal; I’m not impressed, and you shouldn’t be, either.”

“I’m not, not anymore: trust me. Why, will you just look at the time?”

“Excuse me, Zork, but I’d like to make one last comment, if I may.”

“You may.”

“I served our country with pride and all I want to say is that if I ever run across anyone who was part of this election fraud, I will express myself, and that’s all I want to say about it, but I hope that I made myself clear.”

“I think you did. And with that, on behalf of the General, I’ll be wishing all of you a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

Blue Christmas” (2:10)

Professor Zorkophsky

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