“PRACTICE WHERE PRACTICE IS NEEDED”
by OPOVV, ©2020
(Sep. 28, 2020) — “In the Hall of the Mountain King” (2:58)
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. The General asked if he could have some time and since he has given us the use of his shortwave set, it would be the right thing to do. By the way, we’re out on the back porch of the General’s house and he’s standing by with his chalkboard on wheels. You know, General, that there’s no camera?”
“Since when?”
“Since the mayor of Chicago gave her city over to the illegals, the gangs, the Muslims and your run-of-the-mill thieves, rapists and drive-by artists that shoot too many bystanders, which, by the way, I have a solution for. And before we go any further, you’re out of uniform. I thought you were an officer and a gentleman.”
“I’m all of those, General, but I’ve been out for a while; couple of decades.”
“Nonsense; once the Oath is taken it sticks. Did you know you’re out of uniform?”
“Yes, Sir. What are all those lines and arrows you’re drawing on the chalkboard, Sir?”
“My first-strike scenario against California’s ‘dens of iniquities.”
“I see that you wrote, ‘5M*: Laguna Beach‘ and then above that another ‘5M: Beverly Hills.’ Does that mean what I think it does?”
“Yes. Now listen: I’m looking for some venture capitalists out there who have a public-servant bent. The problem is all these drive-by shootings that miss the intended target. Unacceptable; there’s no excuse for wasting ammo, is there?”
“None, Sir.”
“I didn’t think so. So what are we going to do about it?”
“You’re including me, Sir?”
“Ground floor, Roving, ground floor. Now listen: we have gun ranges scattered all over the country, but the only ranges that allow shooting from a vehicle are on Army bases and we need to change that.”
“We do?”
“That’ll be a ‘We do, Sir.’ Now my proposal is to license gun ranges where people can practice where practice is needed. No more innocent children getting shot-up, okay?”
“No problem, Sir. Where would you put these drive-by ranges, Sir?”
“In underground garages on a part-time or permanent basis. Like an office building’s parking garage is empty between ten at night and six in the morning, right? Well, there you go. And make it safe, like from ten to two, only drive around the course clockwise and then from two to six counterclockwise.”
“It’s sounding better and better, Sir.”
“And we’ll make it with animation; you know, targets that dive-for-cover, that kind of thing. Think Amusement Park and we’ll be on the same page. And the sets will be for real, like we’ll have a ‘Shoot-on-the-Stoop’ display along with a ‘Playground’ and ‘Backyard Party.’ It’ll be a comprehensive and educational experience for all who participate, like awards given to the fastest times and most accurate. I think I’m on to something, don’t you?”
“I most surely, do, General, Sir. One more thing: vote in person, for America and her Constitution: it’s a no-brainer. And that’s all the time we have for today’s broadcast so I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“What a great idea, General, as long as we can save even one innocent life it’ll be worth it. Burger time: my treat.”
[*5M: Five megaton thermonuclear bomb.]
“Shotgun” (3:23)