by Professor Zorkophsky, ©2020

(Aug. 25, 2020) — “Gone with the Wind, main theme” (3:04)

“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. I guess you’ve all heard by now that our offices have been closed – permanently – due to the notice that our editor received from the mayor stating ‘in no way will city resources be expended on protecting your conservative television station or anyone that works there.’ So we’re off the air, at least for now, and until the editor figures out what to do she’s dishing out assignments to all the contributors to ‘Pulse,’ so what do you say we get started?

“I thought I was on vacation, but after Madam Shylock did a show interviewing me, the editor called and said, ‘You’re next,’ so here I am, down here in Cassadaga, FL  sitting on the back porch, watching Henry — you know, the frog that lives in the pond across the street — licking flies off a strip of flypaper. Hey, Henry, how do you keep your tongue from sticking to the flypaper?”

“Think of my saliva as the WD-40 of salivas and you’ll get the picture; piece of cake. Oh, look, a June bug; I’ll share it with you.”

“No, no thanks. I appreciate the gesture, though. You got that report for Zyklon finished? I saw your light on late last night from your lily pad.”

“Yes, finished it around four this morning. Care to hear it? I’ll read it for you.”

“You bet, but let me grab a bottle of water and I’ll bring you a saucer; how’s that sound? Where do you want it, on the table? Good water here, don’t you think?”

“Yes, just as good as the pond water without all the little amoebas and paramecia. Thank you for the water. Okay, here it is, the final draft:

The Lady or the Tiger

Once upon a time, in a faraway land in a faraway place, there lived a people who, by death and toil, built a great nation, a nation conceived in liberty and dedicated to the concept that all who lived there legally would be treated equally under the law of the land, the Constitution.

By some quirk of fate, some of the people of this great nation seemed to hold the belief that the world of make-believe was preferable to the real world. These people believed in the lie that Socialism was a viable form of government, when everyone knew that in every instance where Socialism was attempted it failed miserably, usually morphing into Communism and its derivatives:  Dictatorship and Totalitarianism.

For some reason facts didn’t seem to sway these stupid people. Professor Zorkophsky has a theory about it that he calls ‘Mind Manipulation,’ based on some wacky far-out theory that human thoughts are controlled by colonies of virus-like living things that all humans have living in their brains.

Some humans are, in a way, space cadets, because Zork – that would be Professor Zorkophsky — says these same little critters are to be found in space junk: comets, asteroids and meteors. Zork seems to have this idea that all life forms on earth have these things in some form or another and in different proportions in every Central Processing Unit in any life form on the planet earth.

Anyway, these BLM, Muslims* and other bottom-of-the-barrel types have defective virus-type critters controlling their every move and unoriginal thought. It is very interesting and I am lucky to have access to Zork’s outlook on abnormal human behavior.

Photo: Pixabay, Free License

        In three months these people will have an election between two doors, but unlike the story of The Lady or the Tiger, these people know what’s behind each of the doors: freedom or slavery; posterity or poverty; enlightenment or ignorance.

        And that’s my report.

“Couldn’t have said it any better myself. I guess I won’t offer you a burger but I could sure use one. Oh, almost forgot: Goodnight.”

[*Muslims: FGM, Honor Killings, and treating women as second-class citizens are NOT acceptable behavior in a civilized society.]

Bend Me, Shape Me” (2:28)

Professor Zorkophsky  

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