“BE PREPARED”
by Chief New Leaf, ©2020
(Aug. 17, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. ‘Pulse’ is undergoing a change in format, and until we figure out what the heck is going on, our publisher has decided to spread the workload until we get it right. Roving’s corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad depot, has been as quiet as a mouse, so waylaying any commuters to conduct street interviews is out of the question.
“Hello, I’m Chief New Leaf, one of the many contributors to ‘Pulse,’ and I was tasked to get a permit to conduct street interviews in the ‘Big City,’ but we put our collective foot down and said it’s just too dangerous so, here I am, in my RV, traveling to a place where there are no face masks and loonies running around loose. Let me put it to you this way: if the mayors of any of the looted and burnt Democratic cities were to step off a bus in this place, they’d be arrested for being a public nuisance. Let’s break for a commercial.”
“Send in the Clowns” (4:10)
“I see a town square up on our left so what do you say we pull over and ask around? Engine off; step off the RV: ‘That’s one small step for a man, one giant leap for mankind.’ How you guys doing’ on this fine mornin’?”
“I know who you are. You’re that ‘Leaf’ character from that TV show that got kicked off the satellite.”
“As they say, bad news travels fast. How goes it in ‘Normal Town?’”
“Ever notice wherever there’s a concentration of stupid people, then the rats burn their own nest? Now why is that?”
“Search me. The Asian immigrants never seem to have a problem with assimilating, but for some inexplicable reason, the minority who has the most advantages seems to always be left behind. If you ask me, I’d have to say it’s the communication gap.”
“A fashion gap, if you ask me.”
“Ain’t nobody askin’ you.”
“What you a Chief of anyway?”
“Some American Indians who made it good by scalping the white man in our casinos. And here’s the good part: it’s an annuity: it keeps on giving. If they died, then the gravy train would run out but they don’t so it doesn’t.”
“So what brings you to our neck of the woods?”
“Curiosity, like what do you think of the upcoming election?”
“If the election is honest, Trump wins, if not, the Deep State takes the cake.”
“What are the odds?”
“Not good. I mean, really, now, Obama’s name never should’ve been on either ballot – 2008 or 2012 – but it was, which means that the whole election apparatus in these here United States is broken, that’s what.”
“Excuse me, Chief, but I have a brother-in-law who is, well, not well. I mean, he doesn’t care about the Constitution or church, if you get my drift.”
“He’s a dirty Commie.”
“That’s right, but here’s the thing: he doesn’t accept facts, just the Democratic talking points. Hasn’t been in a church in seventy years and hates Christians and Jews and guns.”
“I say he’s the poster child for the gullible. Put him first in line to drink the Kool-Aid. Excuse me, but I’ve just been handed a note by the sound-boom girl. I’ll read it out loud: ‘To all of our Field Editors, the office of ‘Pulse’ has closed its doors. The TV station has unplugged. We find it too dangerous to operate an independent news organization within the city limits of Chicago, especially since the police will not protect us, by direct order of the mayor. We may be moving our headquarters to Madam Shylock‘s Fortune Telling Emporium in Florida.’ Well, that’s it for now. Thanks for talking with us. Goodnight.
“So the station has closed its doors. Smart move. Let’s cut to the chase: one of these days, perhaps very soon, each of us will have to choose the path to the future or Despotism. Be prepared by being armed, for real. Don’t think about getting an AR-15 or any other semi-automatic; just do it. Be ready to cross that bridge. Let’s say we grab a burger: my treat.”
“Indian Love Song” (4:42)
Chief New Leaf