The Pearly Gates Tutorial (RR)

“WHAT WILL YOU SAY?”

by OPOVV, ©2020

stokpic, Pixabay, License

(Jul. 29, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ the place to hear it here first. We’ve had a number of questions addressed to ‘Pulse’ that have to do with our stand on the Thin Blue Line. Let me assure you that we support the police 100%; we also stress that citizens exercise their Second Amendment rights and that we expect our public employees to follow the Constitution, which means not to follow illegal orders, and that means from those in charge of any of our government agencies down to the cop on the beat. We also had a number of comments from those in law enforcement that have to do with ‘What gives Roving the right to criticize orders?’

“Well, I’ll tell you: while serving in the military, I was volunteered for a humanitarian mission — which turned out to be a fight for my life, and if I didn’t accept a defeatist attitude, I and a few others would never have made it back; is that clear enough? Rather than waiting in an inactive mode, I took the bull by the horns and went proactive and, luckily, saved the day. The only reason I wasn’t court-martialed is because we were somewhere where we had no ‘legal’ authority to be, is as close as I can figure. No commendations or awards, but I was offered a Purple Heart that I turned down because there were others worse off than me.

“It’s the story of nightmares that I had for seventeen years, until one night I came to the very end: either the nightmares were going to end or I was. Before I move on, I want to mention one more thing about nightmares, real honest-to-goodness wake-up in the middle of the night sweating and shivering from fright, experiencing the sounds, the smells, the vibrations from above and below, and the taste of primeval-fear nightmares that you would avoid even at the cost of your life. Living near a naval base exacerbated the problem, so I knew I had to leave, or die.

Commercial break: “When Johnny Comes Marching Home” (2:06)

“Okay, as you can see, we’re back on our corner, under the awning, across the street from the railroad depot about to waylay this commuter. Excuse me, care to be interviewed on ‘Pulse,’ the ever-popular information show?”

“Sure; why not? I’m early by one train; I usually am, you know. Learned that in the service. I was in the real military, the Army: ‘on time all of the time.’

“Never heard that one.”

“Just made it up.”

“So what’s your name and what do you do for a living?”

“My name is Jacob and I write greeting-card salutations: you know, ‘Watch ‘Pulse’ or else.’ But we just started a new line of religious cards that I found very, what’s the word, ‘invigorating?’ Yes, that’s the one.”

“Give us an example of a religious salutation, if you would, please.”

“Sure, glad to: ‘Pray today or be sorry, listen to what I say or miss the glory.’ But we’re working on a very stimulating project that was suggested by Rook Dunkin.”

“Oh, really? That sounds interesting. Tell us about it.”

“Rook Dunkin said that there’s tutorials for every kind of test, so why not one for the Pearly Gates? So he asked us to come up with one.”

“Let’s take a commercial break, then you can tell us more about it.”

The Cowboy Rides Away” (3:21)

“And we’re back with Jacob who is telling us about how to get into them Pearly Gates.”

“That’s right. I wrote a list of questions and answers, and I’ll share a few of them:

‘Are you surprised you’re here? You better believe it.’

‘How surprised are you to really be here? Totally.’

‘What will you say when you meet Jesus? Have mercy.’

“I’m sorry, but this is my train and it’s been nice talking with you.”

“And you, too. Let’s take another break.”

Hi-Heel Sneakers” (4:03)

“And we have Donna with us who is a teacher of macramé, is that right?”

“Yes, I manage a sewing supply store in the city and I must say teaching macramé online is an exercise in futility.”

“Yes, I can see that. So how about sharing with us your main bug of the day?”

“My bug?”

 “Yes, like what’s bugging you?”

“Imagine Nancy Pelosi calling our Federal law enforcement officers Storm Troopers? And then the real Fascists have the nerve to call Trump a Fascist. It’s the ‘tell a lie often enough’ approach to alter reality.”

“Like China is our friend.”

“Exactly. All Trump is looking for is a level playing field, but that’s not what the Dems want. The Dems want their campaign coffers stuffed with American dollars donated by the Chinese, ergo they want the trade imbalance as it was before Trump. The pot of gold at the end of the rainbow: trade imbalance; tariffs; payoffs; and kickbacks.”

“Well-said. Any last words?”

“Yes, replace each and every statue and flag. No exceptions, and this is my train. One more thing: about these BLM idiots? Repel with equal force, get it? Goodbye.”

“Got it. See you around, Donna. And that’ll do it for us, and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Replace it all or else they win. Burger time: my treat.”

Donna” (2:58)

OPOVV

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.