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“WARNING SIGNS”

by OPOVV, ©2020

Photo: PublicDomainPictures, Pixabay, License

(Feb. 8, 2020) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to yet another one of Professor Zorkophsky’s book reviews here on ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your one stop to hear it here so you don’t have to waste your precious time to hear it anywhere else. Hello, my name is Roving, as in Roving Reporter (RR), and with me is our good friend, Professor Zorkophsky, to plug his latest book, ‘The Psychosis of Derangement,’ after this short break.”

James Bond 007 Theme” (1:44)

“Thank you for the invite to advertise my latest in a long series of textbooks for the serious novice psychiatrist. And by the way, Roving, please address me as ‘Zork’ as long as we’re in my comfortable office, which is full of neat gadgets like this one here.”

“Maybe we’ll get to it later, Zork, but did you finally crack the nut that explains ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome?’”

“In a word, no, although isn’t it fortuitous that you used the word ‘nut?’ It’s a word that I often employ and, before you ask, the word ‘nuts’ is an accepted description that we professionals use to describe your average wacko Democrat, aka ‘Socialist Loony.’

“So how about those who are still bananas over the 2016 election, when Trump trounced Hillary?”

“I’m glad you use the word ‘bananas,’ which is, as I’m sure you know, an accepted medical term we psychiatrists use to educate the public. And, yes, there are seven distinct stages of denial and one doesn’t reach full-fledged psychosis until stage two.”

“As early as that? Gee whiz, if they are nuts that early, what do you call them when they reach stage seven?”

“Obots.”

“How can you tell if a person is … as you wrote in the second chapter: ‘Beware of those who exhibit psychosis tendencies’?”

“Heavy breathing; hands clinching; face getting red; stuttering; drooling; displaying violent tendencies as a problem-solving technique — are some of the telltale signs of derangement.”

“What are some of the other signs?”

“Attending any of our universities and public schools should be a red flag, as in, ‘WARNING: YOU MAY BECOME AN OUT-OF-CONTROL DELUSIONAL NUT.’ But you asked about the warning signs.”

“That I did, but first we have to break for these commercials.”

Wear My Ring” (2:35)

“If I can get it copyrighted, temper tantrums of a two-year-old may henceforth become known as ‘a Pelosi,’* as in: ‘NOTICE: If your child has a PELOSI, please remove from premises.’ Another sign of someone out-of-control is acting as if they had an overdose of Valium, which results in slurred speech.”

“So where does the ‘Trump factor’ factor in?”

“It’s the whole ball of wax. Without Trump, there are no delusional ravings, no ‘puppy-petting corrals,’ and no fake Russian Collusion. Look, Roving, you know I’ve made a lot of money through the sales of my books, screenplays and on the cold chicken sandwich circuit, so I’ve hired a number of students who monitor The View to see if they ever apologize for pushing the fake narratives, lies and innuendos: Russian collusion, quid pro quo, and obstruction of justice.”

“Why are there cots and nurses in there?”

“You try and look at The View for more than thirty minutes and see what happens to you. No, these kids are way too young to have their brains fried by the lies of the left.”

“I see we’re running a little short on time so could you sum up your book for us?”

“Be glad to, but I would really like to show you my newest addition to my long list of gadgets. What you do is attach this one-inch-wide tape across the bottom of your television set and it operates off the static electricity from the screen.”

“Okay, but what does it do?”

“Oh, sorry. It produces a moving line, like a heart monitor in the emergency room, and it even changes color. Green for truth and red for lies, and then there’s a rainbow of colors in between. Pretty neat, don’t you think? Look, let me run a tape of Hillary at the Benghazi hearing saying ‘What difference does it make?’

“Wow, I like it. How much?”

“I’m afraid it’s not in production yet but when it is it’ll sell for $19.95. If you order two just pay additional postage.”

“Sign me up. Well, it’s that time when I wish you all, on behalf of the crew and Zork, a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Good show. Burger time: my treat.”

[*a Pelosi: ripping a copy of the State of the Union speech; akin to a temper tantrum by a two-year-old.]

Time Won’t Let Me” (3:05)

OPOVV

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