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by OPOVV, ©2019

By Elizabeth Warren – https://www.flickr.com/photos/146043801@N08/47108769091/, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=76631717

(Sep. 5, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to another fact-filled episode of ‘The Pulse of the Nation,’ your reprieve from the truth-benders who concoct tall tales of collusion and delusion and confusion for reasons that make you scratch your head. You want an example? How about ‘fundamentally transforming the United States of America’ (0:08)? That’s right, the enemies of the Constitution, on television, for the world to gasp at real mob mentality, and that’s a fact. For you long-time viewers, you recognize where we’re broadcasting from: Professor Zorkophsky’s office at our university, who has written yet another best-seller: ‘A Psychological Survey on the Causes of Trump Derangement Syndrome and the Effects on Them as well as Us Rational People.’ Let’s give him a knock and get this interview started.”

Sounds of knocking.

“Use the doorbell!”


“Push that little button to the right of the handle!”

Roving Reporter pushes the doorbell followed by chimes:

3/4 Westminster Chimes” (0:17)

“Oh, there you are, and right on time. Come on in, Roving and crew.”

“Thank you, Professor Zorkophsky; was that a pun?”

“None intended, I assure you. Come in, come in and make yourselves at home. Mi casa is your casa sort of thing. And, please, Roving, address me as ‘Zork’ in my humble surroundings. Want to see my latest addition?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world; what’s new?”

“Right through this door, if you would, please. There, what do you think of it?”

“Okay: you’ve an indoor tennis court. Very nice.”

“Sorry to disappoint you, Roving. Oh, look here: an electrical panel. What do you say we open it up and see what’s inside? Well, will you look at that: controls to adjust the tilt of the court, imagine that?”

“You’re telling us your tennis court tilts?”

“And why not? The earth is, after all, not flat. What do you say we get down to brass tacks and start hawking my new book?”

“That’s why we’re here. In your very first chapter you state that, and I quote: ‘All the nitwits who fell for the Russian Collusion still believe the fairy tale.’ I don’t get it.”

“And neither do they and, to top it off, they never will. You see, the fake news just doesn’t report the truth; their viewers have been so brainwashed into believing whatever they say is true… Here, let me give you an example: Fox News says they report the truth yet hired Donna Brazile; I rest my case and so does Fox.”

“Then where do we look for the truth?”

“Political blogs like The Geller ReportMichelle Malkin and The P&E, for three, and for television there’s Newsmax. Now, how about a game of tennis? I’ll make it easy on you and only give you a three-degree negative tilt.”

“Not now; maybe in my next life. In your second chapter you list a number of reasons why so many are susceptible to irrational suggestions; care to explain?”

“Well, yes, I do care; I mean, if I spill all the beans, why buy the book? Very well: it all starts with government education and the Teachers’ Union. But there are other factors involved that I already addressed in a previous bestseller, like in California where they voted for Proposition 187 that states that they were not going to pay for the education of illegal immigrants, yet the Court overturned the election.”

“So why have elections if the courts are going to ignore the people’s wishes?”

“Look, Roving, I’m on your side. And the anti-Americans are alive and well; the America-deniers are healthy; and the Constitution-destroyers will use each and every specious argument under the sun to make doubly sure that there will be no voter ID, which is why Trump may very well not be reelected in 2020.”

“That bad?”

“You figure it out: 20-30 million illegal immigrants and 10 plus million Muslims all voting when not one should be allowed to cast a ballot. This Omar and Tlaib joke has gone too far, in my opinion. But that’s for another day. In chapter three I make comparisons to the Easter Bunny, the Tooth Fairy and the Boogeyman.”

“In the next chapter you discuss the apparent failure of birth control methods, that the failure is one of communication to the males (as well as the females). It’s called ‘sex without consequences.’”

“Yes, that’s what I do in that chapter. Now, further along I explain, in detail, that the earth passed through a cloud of cosmic dust that affected the gullible that made it impossible for them to recognize that they’re being used for nefarious purposes. The fact is, slimes like Jack Patrick Dorsey, and other card-carrying members of the Deep State, don’t plan on being on the bottom of the totem pole when Socialism takes over, when the Constitution is trashed, and when the beacon of freedom is extinguished for generations to follow.”

“That makes sense. So in the last chapter you write that Elizabeth Warren suffers from Buffoon Disorder, or ‘BD.’”

“’BD’ is when they, well, say irrational things, make fools of themselves, and believe their own lies, which sets them apart from us rational humans. These people are really out there, a little beyond the Oort Cloud.”

“Care to sum up your book and why we should read it?”

“Buy it.”

“Care to sum up your book and why we should buy it?”

“Be more than glad to. First, you’ll be exposed to the lexicon of us professional nut specialists; secondly, you’ll learn to spot, right off, who is deranged and who is not; and, lastly, it’s written in a well-thought-out logical manner, where if the symptoms of irrationality surface I teach you how to combat them. For example, you wouldn’t send your child to Harvard University knowing that they don’t fire employees who lie on their application*: have your kid taught by a liar; I don’t think so. Anyway, it’s a good read, so go out and buy it. Care for a game of tennis? I’ll program the court to remain level.”

“Maybe some other time, Zork. And now, it’s that time, on behalf of the crew, where I wish you all a goodnight: Goodnight.

“Sounds like a good book, Zork. Burger time: my treat.”

[*lied on application: Elizabeth Warren.]

Bobby Sox to Stockings” (2:41)


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