Innuendos are not Facts (RR)

“JUST PLAIN NUTS”

by OPOVV, ©2019

Image credit: pixsila at Pixabay

(Oct. 12, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and with me on ‘The Pulse of the Nation’ is Jean Nyland, a Democratic strategist, who will answer any question you may have about how the Democrats are just plain nuts. The phone number is on the bottom of your screen and all of our lines are open.”

“You just called me ‘nuts.’”

“What’s your point?”

‘Well, I didn’t agree to come on your show to be insulted.”

“Then explain the Russian Collusion hoax you’ve been pushing day in and day out for the last two years. Pick a day – any day – during 2018 and Miss Molly, our secretary, will randomly run a few of the rants from that day, any day. from any mainstream media station. Go ahead, I dare you.”

“I’m sorry, but that’s not a talking point on my list. Besides, it’s all been debunked.”

Sound of a loud buzzer is heard.

“Would you believe, Jean, that nothing has been debunked?”

“Well, Benghazi was debunked.”

Sound of a loud buzzer is heard.

“Obama released his long-form BIRTH CERTIFICATE*.”

“It was proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it was a fake.”

“And that was debunked.”

Sound of loud buzzer is heard.

“Will you please tell your sound-boom girl to not aim that air horn in my ear?”

“Sorry, if you answer wrong you get buzzed; them’s the rules.”

“This is nuts. No, you’re nuts, Roving. ‘All our lines are open’ when all you’ve got is your cell phone. I knew I shouldn’t have come on this loony program.”

“You signed a ‘non-running-away’ agreement, so how about answering a call? Hello, Roving here; what’s your question for Jean, our Democratic strategist?”

“Am I on the air? Can you hear me?”

“Yes, we can hear you just fine, but would you mind taking us off speakerphone and please mute your television?”

“I’m sorry; there’s a horrible echo and I can’t think straight. I’ll hit ‘record’ and then I’ll hit ‘mute.’ Is that better?”

“Look, I don’t want to appear rude, but would you be a Democrat, by any chance?”

“Does voting for Hillary count?”

“Go ahead and ask Jean your question, please.”

“Hello, Jean. My name is Jay and I’m wondering if I can blame Trump for not cleaning the gutters. My wife has been bugging me for the last couple of years.”

“For sure, Ray, you can blame Trump for anything. Now, as far as becoming a bona fide whistleblower, send in a picture of a MAGA hat being disrespected in some way, such as burning or scissored, to the DNC and they’ll get you in line.”

Roving: “Is this for real?”

“I’m sorry; I’m not finished. Why, just this morning the lady who lives next door was complaining about the neighbor’s dogs using her yard as a toilet and she sent some photos into the DNC and was issued an official whistleblower number.”

“Gee, thanks, Jean; I’ll get right on it.”

“Have you people all gone bananas? You can’t be serious; surely this is some kind of sick joke; tell me I’m wrong.”

“You’re wrong; it’s not a joke and we’re not sick. You made a joke about Russian Collusion and called it a hoax. Well, let me tell you something: it’s real and don’t tell me about your fake proof. Trump stole the election from Hillary and that’s all there is to it.”

“So, tell me this: how do you benefit from the kickbacks from China and all the rest of the crookedness that keeps the swamp afloat?”

“I don’t, but I know what’s right and what’s wrong. Trump is trying to put a stop to the theft so let me ask you this:  Don’t you ever think about the little people?”

“Little people?”

“The waitresses who rely on the tips from the big spenders, the ones who take money under the table, for one.”

“And we have another caller. Hello, would you like to ask our Democratic strategist a question?”

“Yes, I would. Hello, my name is Fran and my question is that it looks pretty bad for Biden, so it’s really good we have Elizabeth Warren to take his place.”

“Yes, the lie of Elizabeth Warren is equal to the lie that Joe Biden tells that he was always as honest as the day is long, so it all equals out, I’m so very happy to say.”

“Me, too.”

“Thank you for your question. And I see we have another caller. Hello, Jean Nyland here.”

“Who is this? I was calling Roving; what have you done with him?”

“Nothing; he’s right here.”

“Roving here; who is this?”

Chief New Leaf. Who is this nut who accepts Warren, a known liar, a nut case if there ever was one? What’s wrong with you, Roving, having a Democrat on your show?”

“I follow the dictates of my boss, Chief. I mean, I have to make a paycheck along with everybody else to stay off the Food Stamp and Welfare roles.”

“Okay, okay, I get it. But really, now, Elizabeth Warren? How could you?”

“Don’t worry, Chief; she has as much chance as Hillary had. Ask this Jean character about Eric Ciaramella, will you? Have to run. Bye.”

“Okay, Jean, what about this Eric guy?”

“It says in my talking points I’m supposed to divert the question to Trump’s tax returns.”

“I’m sorry; I don’t care what my boss wants, you’re out of here. The Chief is right; Elizabeth Warren, my foot. I mean, there are losers in this world and then there’s Democrats who support Warren. I’m sorry, but it’s just too pathetic for me and if I lose my job over it, fine, but to talk about Warren as if she’s a viable human being on our planet is stretching it way too far for my tastes.”

“Why, I never! You are a very rude person, Roving. I’m leaving.”

“Okay, don’t face reality. How do expect us to act? You’re doing your level best to bring down our country to be like Venezuela where the ambulances don’t have enough gas to transport patients; how about that? And with that, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be saying goodnight: Goodnight.

“What a crazy show. No more nuts, ever. I’m done with the nuts. I’ve had it up to here with the nuts. Of course they’re nuts; ‘fundamentally change America’ is nutty and I’m not going to say one more word about it. Burger time: my treat.”

Cherokee Morning Song”* (3:00)

[*Cherokee Morning Song: by request of Chief New Leaf.]

OPOVV

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