“WE CHOSE THE CONSTITUTION”
by OPOVV, ©2015
(Nov. 4, 2015) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight’s show is a little bit more serious than normal, and none of it is make-believe. We’re going to hear from a real honest-to-goodness American Indian Chief about his views on Obama, the 2nd Amendment and more. Hope you stick around and enjoy the show.
“Hello, Chief.”
“You don’t have to be so formal, Roving. My name is ‘New Leaf’. Glad to be on your show. Thanks for inviting me.”
“Okay, ‘New Leaf’ it is. I’ve read a number of your speeches and you really seem to be a staunch hard-line Constitutionalist.”
“That is true. You see, we had a choice: to be utterly and completely decimated, or sign a treaty with the Constitution. We chose the Constitution. Please note that we didn’t choose the Secretary of the Interior or a president, but signed with a document that was, for all intents and purposes, carved in stone. You see, people change their minds and may not remember what transpired years ago, but what is carved in stone has a better chance to be honored, as we once thought and still hope.”
“Very well spoken. But what’s your grief, or I guess I should say, complaint, about?”
“Our complaint is about you people changing the rules as you go along. This we cannot accept, hence our vocalization. The Constitution is emphatically cut and dried. The Judiciary, for example, has no legal powers to dictate same-sex marriage to anyone anywhere in our country, yet they did. But what makes it worse, much worse, is that your so-called law enforcement, specifically the DOJ, takes it upon itself to enforce laws that aren’t legally enforceable.”
“You seem to be well-informed.”
“You white people think that American Indians still live in teepees and wigwams. What we do is build tar-paper shacks that the tourists see, because that’s what the tourists expect to see. We scour antique stores for old-fashioned washing machines to use as lawn decorations. By the way, that’s just what my son does, goes around the country to thrift and antique stores buying old washing machines and old rusted-out school buses. Now that’s a strange one: school buses.
“We sent out a questionnaire to white folks about what they would like to see in the back yard of an American Indian hovel, and 80% answered that they would expect — enjoy — seeing a yellow rusted-out school bus with the wheels still on and the tires about to rot off, so that’s what my son does. He’s a locater and works for a number of Indian tribes.
“And a number of our people just sit on the porch of a shack, back from the highway and trinket stands, and drink water or lemonade from a jug, so it looks like they’re drinking whiskey.”
“And that was on the questionnaire, too?“
“You bet. White folks expect to see Indians drinking firewater. But after the trinket stands close, we go to our real homes, which are your average two-story, four-car-garage, half-a-million house sitting on a ten-acre lot. No mortgage. Solar electric and water heaters.
“We send our kids to college, at least most of them. There’s always some that fall through the cracks — you have them, too — they are the ones who are getting arrested for meth labs and Black Beauty sales. But on the whole, our kids turn out to be mature and responsible adults.
“I served in your United States Navy and went to college on the GI Bill, but I really didn’t need the GI Bill. I just used it because I earned it. The American Indians are really pretty well-off, thanks to the sale of trinkets, most of which are ‘Made-in-China,’ and gambling profits, although there’s two schools about the casinos.”
“Two schools about gambling? How’s that?”
“Well, on paper it looks like a win-win situation, but in reality it gives the State and the Federal governments an excuse to get their noses inside our tents. We have a very strong attachment for our land, and wherever we Indians get to like our land too much, the white man comes along and steals it, lately through the courts through the ‘eminent domain’ legal mumbo-jumbo excuse. Maybe a judge will get a lot of money in the form of a payoff, maybe in cash or a retirement cabin in the Ozarks.
“It’s like this: we Indians are more ‘American’ than your so-called Democrat Party. At least we’re not afraid to say that Obama is nothing more than a Cheap-Suit-Muslim-Plant, hired on to wipe Israel off the face of the map and, as an added extra, import millions of Muslims into the United States to try and shove Sharia Law down our throats.”
“You Indians have always supported the Second Amendment, and I’ve heard stories about each tribe having its own army.”
“That’s a clear exaggeration of the abilities and the capabilities of the tribal police. Having said that, it is also true that we do have weapons; that we encourage gun ownership; that our women are darn good shots; and that we are proficient in many different weapons.
“Which leads us into a discussion of our schools. I guess you could say that our tribal schools are this country’s first Charter Schools and we’ll match any of our high school graduates with any of yours, subject for subject, test for test.
“We live in two worlds: the white man’s and the history of our tribal ancestors. This I will say: by violating your Constitution you are violating our treaties. Will this lead to war, to violence? This I do not know, but I will tell you this: you’re pushing it.
“And that’s all I’ll say. The white man, for the first time in his history, wrote the perfect document by which to live, and you can’t even follow your own rules and dictates. You have freedom, yet you’re squandering the opportunity to be a great nation, the greatest the world has ever seen. We will not idly sit by and watch you destroy our opportunity to insure that our future generations will have a chance to be at the forefront of mankind’s greatest achievement; it would be like signing those treaties for nothing. Thank you.”
“And thank you, New Leaf; we sure learned a lot. Welfare checks given to people who don’t work. The Chief told me off-air what he thought of people who lived off the government, and it’s a good thing too, since we’re on live. We like to think of ‘The Pulse of the Nation’ as a family show, you know. Well, that’s our show for tonight. This is Roving and crew saying goodnight: Goodnight.
“Great show, guys. Hey, Chief New Leaf, care to share a meal with us? There’s a good burger place nearby. My treat.”