“WEEDING THE YARDS ACROSS AMERICA”
by OPOVV, ©2019
(Mar. 14, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the oasis of the truth, one of the last vestiges of clear and concise interpretation of the news. Today we’re interviewing Professor Zorkophsky on his new best-seller that’s already being bid by Hollywood for the next blockbuster. Hello, Professor, and congratulations on yet another best-seller.”
“Thank you, Roving, for giving me the opportunity to hawk my latest book in a long line of best-sellers. Now as far as the bidding goes, we’ve reached a deal and we’ll go into production next month and, I’m proud to say, I’ll receive a screenwriting credit. Oh, please address me as ‘Zork’ as long as we’re in my humble office.”
“Okay, Zork, but are you really going to be a screenwriter, or what’s the deal?”
“I wrote the book, so the dialog is already there, is what I’m saying; plus there’s the cool 20 million smackaroos to consider.”
“I’m sure. So maybe we’ll take a commercial break and then get to your book.”
“True Love Ways” (3:08)
“Okay, Zork, what’s the basic premise of your new book, ‘The Dandelion War?’”
“Well, I guess it’s best to say it starts off as a tragedy, progresses as a comedy and finishes as a farce.”
“That’s informative and I’m sure it answers a lot of questions, but could you tell us what it’s all about? I mean, why should anyone buy the book in the first place?”
“Why, to learn what it’s all about, of course. Look, this guy likes bees sitting on his dandelions, so he doesn’t cut them when he mows the lawn. Meanwhile, the wife is embarrassed about how the lawn looks, so she sneaks out one night and starts cutting ‘those darn weeds’ with a penlight and a pair of kitchen scissors when she surprises a couple of Left Wing Loonies attempting to steal their ‘MAGA’ yard sign.”
“So far, so good; go on.”
“So these mentally-challenged Left-Wing Loonies mistake the wife of doing some kind of Bonzi ‘trimming-in-the-moonlight’ so they reach the conclusion that the Dandelion is the ‘Trump State Flower’ as they skedaddle out of there.”
“But…”
“Look, the nitwits suffer from Trump Derangement Syndrome, so don’t ask. Anyway, the word gets around so the nitwits all over the country are weeding the yards across America, for free.”
“So they’re pulling Dandelions on people’s lawns for free? Everywhere? Is that what happens? Wait, we have to break for a commercial.”
“Paganini violin sonata No. 6” (3:29)
“You got it; and then comes the farce part where the color yellow is interpreted as pro-Trump, so all the blondes dye their hair, but a lot of them turn green so the Green Party claims them as their own.”
“The ‘Green Party’?”
“You know, ‘Save the Whales.’”
“Oh, okay, that sounds like a pretty funny book. Does it have anything about, well, other stuff?”
“In Chapter 17 I reveal that the history of the word ‘Islamophobia’ was concocted by the Muslim Brotherhood*.”
“No kidding? The word ‘Islamophobia’ is just a made-up word?”
“Yep; it’s all fake, for the simple fact that there’s no way a thinking person would want anything to do with Islam, so to prevent, or at least curtail, any criticism they try and censor dissatisfaction in the bud. I mean, really, now, there’s no way possible to defend Islam, is there?”
“Well, you got that part right. It sounds like a really good book and a good movie, to boot. Be looking forward to it. And I see that it’s time for us to end the show, but before we do, mind telling us of any new additions to your office?”
“Have you seen my underground garage? You don’t have the time? Well, I’ve got quite a collection, I don’t mind saying. I just found a 1965 Triumph Bonneville motorcycle that I’m rather proud of. Okay, maybe next time. Thanks for letting me hawk my book.”
“For sure, Zork. Well, that about does it for us and so, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing everyone out there watching or reading us a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Great show, Zork. It’s burger time: my treat.”
[*Muslim Brotherhood: this is what CAIR is, that our new Attorney General allows to operate freely in our country.]
“Dream Lover” (3:18)