“THEY’VE BEEN PRACTICING…”
by OPOVV , ©2019
(Feb. 4, 2019) — “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to our ship of the imagination, where we take you on trips that you may not normally sign up for, but since it’s free, come aboard and we hope you enjoy the outing. Hello, my name is Roving and I’ll be your host for this episode of ‘Pulse.’ Care for a burger? Have a seat, sit back and take in the info that you are about to receive, but first, we have Pastor Dunkin to give the invocation. Take it away, Pastor.”
“Bless this congregation for having the gumption to stay the course. We hope we don’t sink, but if we shall, we pray that the crew won’t freak; we pray that the crew will lend a helping hand to those of us who may be reciting the Lord’s Prayer (4:25). We pray that the captain knows the right course and will stay true to it, irrespective of any annoying interruptions. Amen.”
“Thank you, Pastor Dunkin, and what an uplifting prayer that was. I’m sure we’re all better off by it. And now allow me to introduce our guest speaker, Madam Shylock, the well-known soothsayer of future events. Take it away.”
“Thank you, Roving, for such a generous introduction. Hello, ladies and gentlemen. For those of you who are prone to seasickness, please leave now and follow the signs to sick bay. As you know, the State of the Union address is soon and the opposition has been gearing up for it ever since the conclusion of the last one. I’m sure many of you have noticed why many of the Democrat politicians have been absent from their posts: it’s because they’ve been practicing the fine art of 1) staying seated; 2) looking disgusted; 3) booing with enthusiasm; and the fine art of the non-clap.
“I don’t know if any of you noticed, but many of our large halls, auditoriums and stadiums have been booked for the express purpose of instructing Democratic politicians, college students and all the other slow thinkers on how to respond to President Trump’s speech.
“I must say that the group that was in one of the dome football stadiums on the West Coast the other day had the loudest ‘Boos’ and the quietest ‘non-claps’ ever recorded; congratulations, I’m sure. You’ve been a great audience, and I thank you for being so attentive and for turning off your cell phones. Thank you.”
“And thank you, Madam Shylock. Well, there you have it and, will you look at that: we’re back at the pier where, as soon as the lines are doubled-up and the rat guards are in place, we’ll debark. One last point: Nancy Pelosi will, once again, be the Dr. Caligari instructing the sheep how to respond to whatever Trump says.
“Nice to have had you aboard and, on behalf of the crew, I’ll be wishing you all a goodnight: Goodnight.
“Nice voyage. Burger time: my treat.”
“Sail Away” (3:59)