“WHAT WAS WRONG CAN BE PUT RIGHT”
by OPOVV, ©2018
(Nov. 21, 2018) — “How do I turn this on? This? Slide it forward? It is forward. Oh, then I guess it’s on. Okay, I might as well start by introducing myself: I’m Professor Wert and, as you can see, we’re just cleaning up from a sandstorm out in the middle of nowhere, which just happens to be in the southeastern part of Turkey. I’ve been here for a couple of weeks chasing a myth that may just prove the theory of a parallel universe buried somewhere on this tell.
“I’ll pan this camera around and see what we can see. Oh, what’s that? That wasn’t here before; I mean, the wind must’ve uncovered something. Looks like some kind of door. I’ll just nudge it a bit and, oh, my, it just opened all the way. What’s this on the floor? Why, it’s a Juicy Fruit wrapper.
“Look, I’ll just set the camera on this box and call our sponsor for this archeological dig, Pastor Dunkin. Pastor Dunkin? Oh, we’re all doing fine; thank you for asking. Well, we found it: the proof of a parallel universe. A Juicy Fruit wrapper and I’ve got it all on film. I’m leaving now.”
“Good evening, ladies and gentlemen, and welcome to the little church down on Hawthorn Street. That’s right; Pastor Dunkin has invited us to share in his Thanksgiving sermon and so, as you can see, we’re set up here in the balcony to bring you something we all need: a little bit of truth in a sea of untruths, no thanks to what we used to rely on in reining in the government, but now needs reining in itself by the government. Now ain’t that a kick in the, ah, behind? And approaching the pulpit is the Pastor; let’s listen in.”
“Good News to you all. As I’m sure you’re aware, ‘Pulse of the Nation’ is with us, set up in the balcony, so let’s all try and be on our best behavior, which is our secret code for those who can’t sing in tune, don’t. Let’s listen to our first song:
“500 Miles” (3:53)
“Wasn’t she great? The sermon for this Thanksgiving is ‘Okay, Maybe We’re Not the First.’ As most of you know, our church has financed the world-renowned explorer, Professor Wert, on his dig in the Eastern Mediterranean area; he has just made a remarkable discovery, that of proof of a parallel universe.
“Professor Wert has found some scraps of a Bible that — well, here, let me read a passage for you:
And He asked the multitude if they would care for a snack,
And there was no bread, so out of the blue a multitude of rye ball loaves* suddenly appeared out of nowhere and he rolled them down the hill to the multitude.
“So, now, what are we supposed to glean from that? I’ll tell you: it’s that the same stimulus may not produce the same results. Other information reveals that the United States – in this parallel universe — is 100% Muslim- and illegal-immigrant-free and that the citizens are the envy of the world for using the brains in their heads.
“So the question arises: ‘How did our counterparts get to be so smart?’ Well, all the public schools have Passion Plays; the students memorize the Gettysburg Address, the 23rd Psalms and other important messages delved from deductive reasoning. Let’s talk about guns: they love them to protect themselves from bad people and an ‘overzealous government,’ as was intended, thanks to the Founding Fathers.
“And in our parallel universe our counterpart just bit the bullet in implementing fair trade deals with the countries of the world. You see, they approached the problem as one would treat a heroin addict: cold turkey, for it’s better to suffer for a short term than to suffer unendingly.
“And the people of the world are smarter than the politicians of the world, for they realize that the Islamic world view in no way coincides with the world view of any other civilization, and the best example of that statement is that of how Muslims think about vaccines: they think of vaccines as ‘unclean, meaning un-Islamic’; therefore the purveyors of vaccines, such as the polio vaccine for children, should be murdered. And, one would think (and they do) that would be the end of the story, but not so in our universe, is it? And for proof of the pudding, just go to JFK Airport and count how many thousands of Muslims arrive every day from the cesspools of the world which they plan to make the USA into.
“And here’s the point of this sermon: what was wrong in the past can be put right. Living a life of ignorance in the belief that there’s a substitute for dedication, hard work and sacrifice is living a life of denial, just as an addict’s belief that they can get straight any time they want to, except right now, today, is but a child’s fantasy. Just ask Ocasio-Cortez, Chuck Schumer or Bill de Blasio, the mayor of New York City.
“In our parallel universe the word ‘disenfranchised’ doesn’t exist. There are no poll taxes, it’s true, but the voters have displayed their cognitive abilities by having read Dostoevsky, Twain, Shakespeare, and others and therefore aren’t as ignorant as the followers of our own Democratic Party.
“There is nothing but total support and admiration for the concept and the constraints of FREE SPEECH; therefore, the term political correctness,’ our form of speech censorship, doesn’t exist in our parallel universe.
“And I know you all have things to do, so this is my last point: the discovery of the Juicy Fruit wrapper may not necessarily mean proof of a parallel universe: it could be construed as proof of the possibility of time travel, but because Professor Wert’s grant was to find proof of a parallel universe, that’s what he found irrespective of any other interruption. Which reminds me of the Trump-Russian Collusion Witch Hunt: the investigation exonerated Trump but revealed it was Hillary Clinton/Obama who had the collusion with the Russians through the Uranium One deal that we’re not suppose to mention because, in our universe, that would be politically incorrect.
“It Was a Very Good Year” (4:33)
“So how was our year, not individually, but nation-wise? How did the United States fare on the world’s stage? Did we propagate the concept of individual rights and the pursuit of happiness, or did we acquiesce to corporate greed and control? Have we protected our land from invaders, both foreign and domestic? Have we Muslims in our government? Have we illegal immigrants within our borders? Do we even have a country anymore?
“Our world is but an incubator of deadly diseases. The advent of virtually instant travel from the depths of the Congo to the halls of Congress is measured in hours. We have nonexistent checkpoints to prevent infectious patients from killing all of mankind, this we know, yet we live blindly from day to day. That is the truth of the world in the Year of Our Lord, 2018. At the end of the service burgers will be served out back.
“And so I’ll leave you all with a very sad song from which you can take whatever you will. It is, indeed, such a sad song, but I want you, besides interpreting it in a personal way, to think intuitively beyond the scope of your life. Think of all of those who suffered and died for our flag and what it stands for. Think of what it would mean for our chances to reach for the stars if our country should fail to uphold our Constitution. Think of America dying and, very possibly, the hope of mankind dying in the process.”
“Please Don’t Go” (4:09)
“Amen to us all, and have a safe and Happy Thanksgiving.”
[*ball-loaves: about the size of a basketball.]